I did something last night that I've never done before...
I locked myself out of the house overnight.
Seems like this ought to create a pretty shitty situation, but everything worked out all right and I climbed in the window this morning, and everything is now back to normal, or thereabouts.
It's Monday afternoon, and I'm trying to psych myself up for doing some heavy-duty moving. I'm not at all convinced that I want to do anything today except lie around complaining and worrying about moving, but I guess that's sort of counterproductive.
Was at work last night, trying to watch the X-files -- it was about a vampire or some such thing, and X-files episodes about vampires are always great, particularly the one with the fat little red-headed pizza-delivery boy who drugged people and sucked their blood. Anyway, not five minutes into the beginning of the episode, a party of six people sat down at the table next to me, took my ashtray, turned the jukebox up as loud as they could manage, put in enough quarters to keep "California Dreaming" and "These Boots Were Made For Walking" playing for half an hour, and proceeded to start harassing me and the waitresses.
They asked the waitress for her phone number. She said she didn't have a phone, which is true. They asked for her address. She said her boyfriend wouldn't approve of them coming over. This is probably also true. They told her they would beat up her boyfriend for a chance with a nice little cockwhore like her. The waitress giggled and walked away.
At times, I am very glad I am not a waitress. As a matter of fact, I was tempted to start a brawl as it was. Not that I particularly care much about the waitress -- she's a bitch and a Nazi-sympathizer -- but I have a soft spot in my heart for the honor of Food Service Professionals and I was quite prepared to defend hers if it came down to it. Besides, the fucking assholes were disrupting X-files.
I chewed a fingernail absently and tried to read Scully's lips over the blast of The Mamas and the Papas.
"See that girl?" asked the guy who'd uttered the word "cockwhore." "The one chewing her finger? I'd like to see something else in her mouth..."
I bought a piece of bubblegum from the bubblegum machine and chewed it viciously in his direction. Making absolutely sure he could see that I have fangs every bit as lethal as the X-files Monster. I think he was too drunk to notice.
"Scuse me, girl? Scuse me? You work here?"
"Yes?"
"You're doing a FINE job," he said, leering. At that point, I was feeling quite ill and retreated to my safe place in the kitchen: the little nook between the sinks and the fryers, the warmest, safest place on all of Glenwood Avenue. I never did see what happened to the Monster. Or the guy who wanted me to suck his dick. Same thing, right?
Had a dream last night in which a man and a woman were in a little café-type-thing. The woman ordered a vanilla cake with raspberry sauce, and the man made some sexual innuendo about it. The woman said something to the effect of, "I'm not so vanilla as you think... One can do plenty with raspberry sauce."
I awoke giggling, all threads of Monsters dissipated and caramelized into a soft, sweet raspberry sauce.
I've been fucking around online for too long. Off to move some stuff.
Love,
~Helena*