Often, the best way to handle a conversation with Peter, is to pretend you're off in space someplace. The old "safe warm place," mantra helps too. So does a dictionary and a bottle of wine.
Peter, inspired by my last entry, which was inspired by Bully Hill Fusion red wine (that is, "wine with honesty," as the cork reads, which explains a few things about last night's entry...), decided to write me a "guest entry" on this fair evening.
(Hold on a sec... Before I go any further, I need to fill up my glass... To the brim...)
Said "guest entry," was a brief discussion of the lives of three people which had intersected and consequently become fucked up and occasionally beautiful.
This all being a true story, more or less, (with a few significant parts missing, and a few parts slightly over-emphasized) I was not in a state of mind to deal very well with this entry.
So, for an hour, give or take 15 minutes, I babbled incessantly about the definition of the word "skeezer."
[Skeezer (SKEE-zur, L., skeezum, lit. "to skeeze"): one who skeezes.]
The word "skeezer" is not actually in the dictionary. I have rarely run across it in conversation, and from minimal context clues and the assistence of two members of the Java Crew, v.1.0., I have developed a theory that the term "skeezer" is a slang term similar to the word "pedophile," although pedophilia is commonly believed to have its roots in mental illness; and skeezerism is connotatively dissimilar in that a skeezer is just sort of creepy.
I spent an hour explaining this to Peter.
He kept asking me how I liked his entry.
I'd reply with, "The word 'skeezer' is not actually in my dictionary, but what do you expect from a dictionary that doesn't list 'a priori' or 'fellatio'?"
Peter would get pissed off and demand to know what I thought of his entry.
"'Felicitation' is in the dictionary," I would say, "And that is similar to 'fellatio,' in that, by definition, at least the one given by this book, felicitations are congratulations or wishes of happiness upon the subject, and fellatio, or the act thereof, certainly connotes wishes of happiness somewhere along the line."
Peter got more pissed off.
I read the entry again. The entry was not anything I wished to discuss. Particularly not since a good portion of it was quite accurate.
So I discussed skeezerism. For a short time this evening, I became a skeezologist. A professional researcher and theory-developer of principles relating to skeezers and their behaviors exhibited, acts committed, and personality traits displayed.
All in all, my short-lived career as a skeezologist was a wonderful distraction, and I plan to use it to my advantage during my next GYN-exam.
Am now reading Peter's guest entry a seventh time. There are certain subjects that are of absolute discomfort to discuss openly with Peter, this being one of them.
Am now reaching for my Wine With Honesty, and wishing to all the higher powers that be, that it was wine without honesty.
Your friendly neighborhood skeezologist...
~Helena*
"Skeez-its: the official snack-cracker of a skeezer." --me
"Peter, you are not old and you do not have 'old balls.' I have seen your balls. Granted, not in quite awhile, but what can happen in three months? Nevermind, don't answer that." --the absolute deepest depth of this evening's conversation.