17 October 2003 ~ "I will give you a topic..."

So, I've got a dilemma...

I found this poster the other day about aplying for this grant... It's five grand if you win, even if you only get an honorable mention (i.e., fourth place), you still get $500. The only catch is, you have to write a 3,000-4,000 word essay on something having to do with ethics. It can be a personal essay or a formal essay.

So, I went to the website of this contest, and read some of the previous winning essays... Some of them are really pretty impressive -- really ambitious. But several of the ones I read appeared not to have ever been proofread, or were just fucking DULL. BUT... what the all had in common was: a good topic. A real ethical dilemma.

I don't have a topic.

Now, I can write 4,000 words, no problem. That's ten double-spaced pages, give or take. I probably write 4,000 words a day anyway. I can be ultra passionate about something. And, for heaven's sake, I can freakin' PROOFREAD. But my mind is completely blank when it comes to a topic...

It's funny, because I'm never at a loss for something to gripe about. I'm constantly challenging people in conversation; I'm constantly talking back to political posters and slogans and activists; I'm constantly wondering what the hell is wrong with the world and why people can't just chill the fuck out. But, in order to write this essay, I'm going to need to be provoked.

I was thinking of writing about either the vast gap between Justice (REAL justice), and the law. Then, I was thinking about writing about group mentality and institutionalization being counterproductive to useful social change (i.e., the Democratic Party is NOT "the solution," and there IS NO "solution" until you stop believing there's just one...). Then, I was thinking about writing about mental illness, involuntary commitment, standards of normalcy, and psychiatric "medication." That would be a good one. The first two would be good ones, too, except I think they'd end up being longer than 10 pages or so. Well, hell, they probably all would.

But I DO have to have a good topic, and it DOES have to have something to do with me, and my life, so that I can write about it with some real feeling put into it. I can't write about something corny, like the "ethical dilemma of whether or not to buy cigarettes for sixteen-year-olds." It's gotta be a good subject. I mean, these other people are writing about genocide in Rwanda, military agendas, the common good versus individual desire as viewed from a homosexual perspective... I mean, everybody's got GOOD topics.

And I don't have a topic.

"Talk amongst yourselves. I will give you a topic. Chickpeas are neither chicks, nor peas. Discuss."
--"Linda Richman," of "Coffee Talk, Saturday Night Live.

Somebody email me and gimme a topic???

I wanna write a $5,000 essay....

Love,
~Helena*