It's about 4:30 PM, and I can't decide what to do. I think I might be bored, but I'm not entirely sure. Boredom isn't a common problem with me, since I'm frequently amused by rather inane events and activities. But at the moment, I honestly cannot think of what to do.
I had an appointment with DS-stupid-HS this morning, where this woman with a thick Indian accent asked me about my "situation," (I HATE that word!) for an hour or so. Turns out that she won't make me look for a job as long as I attend her support group on Tuesdays. Um... yeah, except I don't WANT to go to a support group. And I wouldn't actually mind looking for work, supposing somebody would hire me to do work that I COULD do. (I'm less than overly anxious to work at a gas station that is regularly knocked over; ditto a grocery store where I might have to cross a picket line...) But I'd still rather go to a support group than actually be REQUIRED to look for work for twenty hours a week. What the fuck? TWENTY hours a week? Fucking hell, it takes me two hours, max, to put together a perfect résumé, and it's not like I live in a bustling metropolis where there are a million and a half places looking to hire me...
I hope to have a part-time job LONG before DS-fucking-HS actually requires me to start looking for one.
I went to the food bank after my appointment. They had frozen chicken thighs instead of hot dogs this month. Good. Wieners are a good substitute for real food -- kind of like ramen noodles -- but in case you haven't noticed, they're actually really pretty fucking gross. Even the pretentious, expensive kinds. So, now there are frozen chicken thighs, shitloads of bread, some canned government fruit, and an almost-outdated chocolate cake. It's sad that I consider this "good living," but what the hell... It's not like it's that bad. I have a chocolate cake. Some people don't have a chocolate cake. I'm doing pretty damned well.
I also have almost two dollars. I bet if I scrounged enough pennies, I would be able to buy a two-liter bottle of soda, AND a package of toilet paper. What a fantastic world it is to have a soda and a package of toilet paper!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm pretty sure that I'm bored.
Earlier, I was considering going downstairs to the neighbors' apartment and playing with their parakeets. They keep them outside during the day, usually regardless of the weather, and despite the threat of lurking cats. They also neglect to give the poor things fresh water, and parakeets aren't smart enough not to shit in their water dish. So, I regularly bring them fresh water. I like the parakeets. They're cute. There's a blue one and a green one; the blue one is my favorite.
I seriously think the neighbors are going to call the men in white coats on me if they catch me (possibly not for the first time) messing with their damned birds. Especially if I'm just sitting there on their porch talking to them. Fuck, that WOULD look sort of weird... I mean, especially since I have a pretty good feeling they've seen me from their windows a few times, messing with the birds... Dammit. Such is the price of being eccentric and easily amused.
In an effort to keep myself away from the parakeets, I am going to commit the ultimate act of boredom...
...The email survey...
Argh.
1. your real name : Let's just go with "Helena," shall we?
2. what friends call you : Usually, as boring as this is, they call me by my name... Sometimes they call me "Sandwich Girl." I don't wanna talk about it yet. *grin*
3. what your boyfriend/girlfriend calls you : Again, usually, my name...
4. what's a name you once wished you had : I always sort of wanted to be an "Anne," or an "Anna." Or maybe "Mary Jane," although I know stoners would torment me mercilessly.
5. what is/are the ugliest name(s) you can think of : Maybe Gertrude. Or Gerald. I don't like "G's" much.
6. what would you name these if you had them as pets ?
a. turtle: Probably Milo, after Milo-the-Buzzing-Turtle
b. goose: Um... Gertrude?
c. pirate: You can't keep a pirate as a pet, of course.
d. a hot boy: Manuel, after my friend Kory's imaginary Mexican houseboy
7. if there was a song about you, what would it be called: Probably something nonsensical, like "Da-ba-Dee." Or something that had foreign words in it.
8. what would you name your kids: Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see, huh?
9. what would you name a ship you built: Toothpick
10. if you wrote a book, what would it be called: The Parlor City Commons Rats, of course.
HAVE YOU EVER...
11. thrown up in public : Gross. No. *knocks wood* But I almost threw up on a Tacoma bus once.
12. eaten or drank anything spoiled : Yeah, there was this glass of bad milk, see...
13. had a rip in your pants and didn't know about it : Oh, I knew it, all right...
14. tripped while checking someone out : Yes. But that's not saying much, since I trip all the damned time...
15. had to pay for something you broke : Amazingly, not that I can think of. Although I used to poke holes in the packaging of ground beef at the Giant supermarket, and they used to yell at my mom for not noticing that I was touching the meat...
16. nearly drowned : Twice. It's not that fun.
17. passed out : Almost, a few times.
18. had a crush on somebody : Um... yeah. Who hasn't?
19. been stuck in the rain : ...And I loved it. Except for the time with the seventy pounds of groceries and the Jehovah's Witness lady...
20. been attacked by an animal : I had a green parrot damn near take my finger off once.
21. caught people having sex : If they hadn't been so damned loud at six in the morning, I wouldn't have had to go up there...
22. fallen asleep while driving : No.
23. felt attracted to a person of the same sex : Well, kinda...
24. actually slipped on a banana peel : No, but I have slipped on broken glass, spilled coffee, wet moss, and a number of other stereotypical slippery things.
25. made a wish that came true: Yes, of course.
COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE
26. i once had a dream - that Neil and I were walking by a huge peaceful lake, and you could see rooftops poking up from the surface, and I was pretty sure that New Orleans was underneath.
27. i'm only racist towards – my friend Aaron.
28. i don't even know why i'm – avoiding those parakeets... It's not like I molest them or anything; I just want somebody to talk to...
29. i'd give anything to have sex with – [leaving this one blank, since there's never been anybody I'd give ANYTHING to have sex with...]
30. nothing sucks more than having to – dig through other people's cigarette butts for something to smoke.
31. if i had six bucks i'd buy - pizza rolls: lots and lots of pizza rolls.
32. it's hot i should take off my – [this is a run-on sentence already and I'm not going to complete it...]
33. it's always more fun if – there's a drag queen involved. [Um... I'm not sure this is true, but it was the first thing that popped into my head...]
34. you can't eat steak without – having the money to buy the steak in the first damned place...
35. you better shut up before i – tell yo' mama on yo' sorry ass.
36. i really like you and everything but – I'd really rather be stuck in the bathroom of a Greyhound for five hours than continue listening to you hit on me.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF...
37. a dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass : What the fuck am I doing in an airport?
38. somebody was about to steal your car : I'd be thrilled, because it would mean I had a car. And if somebody stole it, I could collect insurance money, maybe, and get another car, which would also be pretty nice.
39. you wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed : Let's just say I'd be pretty pissed off...
40. you farted while giving a persuasive speech in class : It would depend on the subject of the speech, but most likely, I'd pretend nothing happened.
41. the person you just kissed tells you they have oral herpes : Give him/her a horrified look and yelp, "shit, man, but we just drank out of the same glass!"
42. you had three wishes : I'd make them. Duh.
43. the government allowed you to choose one thing to be made illegal and one thing to be legalized : I'd probably outlaw Wal-marts, and legalize gay marriage. There shouldn't be Wal-marts in this world. But there should be legalized unions between people who genuinely love each other.
44. britney spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables : I'd tell her I don't have jumper cables. And then I'd touch her chest, just to make Aaron jealous. Whatever. He shook hands with Ralph Nader once.
45. you had a time machine : I'd probably give it to somebody else; what the hell would I do with a time machine?
46. FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted : Probably donate the time slot to somebody who thinks television is worthwhile.
WOULD YOU RATHER...
47. would you rather find the cure for cancer or the cure for aids : Um... probably cancer. People with AIDS tend to get a lot of yucky cancers anyway.
48. would you rather have the power to fly or the power to teleport : I'd rather fly. Flying is teleportation for those with extra time.
49. would you rather have the power to see the future or record your dreams : That's a tough one...
50. would you rather be really skinny or really fat : Probably really skinny, but neither one is really very appealing.
51. would you rather be lost in a forest or stuck in a box : Shit, neither one.
52. would you rather be in a drama movie, or a comedy : Either, if it meant I didn't have any lines and didn't have to wiggle my butt.
53. would you rather be in a hip hop video or a rock video : See above.
54. would you rather have your birthday on christmas day, or february 29th : Wouldn't matter a bit, really, considering they're both in winter, and winter is usually sort of depressing.
55. would you rather live in a sewer or in afghanistan : Afghanistan, I suppose, though I've never been to either.
56. would you rather be in a mental institution or a penitentiary : Fuck, I'd rather be homeless.
57. would you rather snow board or hang glide : Hang glide.
58. would you rather be a ninja or a pirate : A pirate. Pirates kick ass.
THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND...
59. courage : Um... the lion from "Wizard of Oz."
60. driver : busses...
61. yoga : the fucking psycho woman at the College of Santa Fe who told me, during yoga class, that I needed to have my thyroid checked because her crystals told her mine was defunct. (It's not.)
62. bakery : My friend Meggin.
63. roach : The people who used to live upstairs from me at the Oak Street apartment...
64. mushroom : My friend Rachel and her myriad adventures with watching the rug spin...
65. sprung : "When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG." [This is Juliana's answer, from whose LiveJournal I borrowed this survey, but honestly, this is exactly what I would have said... Dammit...]
66. exotic : I think of myself in an ugly Australian explorer hat, hiding out in the bushes next to the Chevron station, watching passersby with a pair of binoculars.
67. pythagorean : Oh gahd, please no more Greek philosophy...
MISC.
68. what's your definition of love: I'm still working on it. Really, though, I am working on it.
69. list 3 words that are clues to identifying a person you are currently interested in : Um... duh. "I love Neil." How's that?
70. who or what is your worst enemy : Probably shitty drivers who don't look for pedestrians. They're much more likely to kill me than anybody I particularly dislike.
71. who is the last person you kicked : Surely, it was one of my room-mates.
72. if you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be : One of those horse-things. I like the horse-things a lot.
73. name three people you know you know whose names begin with the first letter of your last name : I can't think of three people whose names start with that letter, at least not three people I actually like.
74. what's one romantic thing somebody's done for you : *grin* Neil smiled at me. Whatever. It was romantic to ME.
WHAT'S YOUR OPINION
75. "girls are nothing but drama" : Same with boys.
76. "only idiots watch the simpsons" : Nah. I kind of like that show.
77. "kentucky is way better than cali" : Don't know; I've never been to Kentucky. Ah, but someday... someday, Kentucky just better watch out...
78. "there's nothing wrong with stealing" : Not a damned thing, unless it's from somebody who's a friend, or somebody who needs it more than you do.
79. "alcohol is the answer to all your problems" : Alcohol probably IS the answer to all of SOMEBODY'S problems. I just don't happen to know who...
80. "you don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon" : Again, this is probably true, but you'd have a hell of a time explaining where all the brainless bodies in your apartment came from...
81. "music is stupid" : Yeah, most of it.
82. "your car sucks" : If I had a sucky car, I'd be delighted. Especially if it was a sucky car that could drive.
Well, THAT was fucking endless.
I'm going to go find something to eat.
Love,
~Helena*