Went downtown yesterday afternoon.
Dead silence.
A line around the block at the Red Cross blood donation center. Might have stopped in myself if mono and my allegedly horrific "lifestyle" hasn't gotten me forever blacklisted from setting foot inside a Red Cross.
News reports were being broadcast from enormous speakers somewhere in the vicinity of the Citadel Communications building. Never noticed any speakers there before. Why would they be there? To broadcast what? I guess now I know.
Had coffee at a diner. The waitress was nice. The owner was rude.
Stopped into a church. The silence was too much for me. Make some fucking noise. Hug each other. Hug ME. The church-people were rocking back and forth on the floor, groaning, moaning, weeping, and muttering incoherent phrases along the lines of "praise Jesus..."
NOT my scene. I have no intention of praising Jesus in any way other than the way in which I praised him two days ago, which was to silently think, "Hey, Jesus, right on, dude." Of course, I gave similar hat-tips to Gandhi, Rosie the Riveter, and Ralph Nader... But you see my point, I hope.
Left the church quietly and respectfully, flashing a peace-sign at a kid behind me. He glared. Jesus-freaks evidently aren't out for peace; they're out for salvation, and a weird little hippie-kid in sandals isn't all that welcome in the salvation process.
A kid I know drove by and said, "hey, wanna hang out?" I said, "sure, what're you going to do?" He said, "Smoke pot, maybe, I don't know."
I said, "I don't smoke pot."
He said, "That's fine. Unless you're like, AGAINST it." I assured him I wasn't. He and the little posse in his car drove me to an undisclosed location -- undisclosed because I have no fucking clue where we were -- and led me into a nice suburban home, full of very loud boys -- BIG very loud boys, one with "ITALIAN PRIDE!" tattoed on his forearm. The Italian Pride boy blew a cloud of pot smoke in my face. With that, I stormed out, and caught a ride back to Binghamton with two HUGE black guys (why is it that guys are always so BIG when you're feeling sort of alone and you have no idea where you are?) who played rap songs about drugs as they drove.
Went to Lost Dog for some mushrooms and some solace. It was jazz night. The jazz was loud. Is noplace simply PEACEFUL anymore? Must it always be either dead silence or holy-rollin' and horns?
Ran into a friend at Lost Dog, and her new acquaintance, a Canadian gentleman who'd gotten stuck in Binghamton after being refused entry into New York City on business.
I decided to take them to MY place of tranquility. "A short walk," I warned them, "but worth it, I promise."
I took them to the Rivers.
My friend stood on the shore, singing to herself, probably a hymn. The Canadian splashed into the water to get a better view of the South Washington Street Bridge. I stood halfway in between, just looking up at the stars.
The Canadian said, "You can see the stars from here!"
I said, "And just think; you're right downtown... Doesn't seem like it, huh?"
I looked back at the stars. Something distinctly wrong... There were no airplanes. Not a single one.
I joined my friend's hymn with a quiet song of my own, one I learned at Girl Scout Camp ten years ago...
Peace I ask of thee, O River,
Peace, peace, peace.
When I learn to live serenely
Cares will cease.
From the hills I gather courage
Vision of a day to be
Strength to lead and faith to follow,
All are given unto me.
Peace I ask of thee, O River,
Peace, peace, peace.
And that was my part of the "war effort." To show a couple of other people a place of peace. Even if it was a little creepy without the planes.
Norman and I went to the Belmar later. Someone had put "New York, New York" on the jukebox, followed by "A New York State of Mind," and some John Denver thing about a jetliner. Cruel, yes, but Norman giggled. After awhile, I did too. There's simply nothing more I can do for the dead people, for the survivors, for the torn-down buildings. And so, a bit of dark humor seemed appropriate -- ghastly, but appropriate.
Received word this morning about a couple of other people I'd been mildly worried about. It seems my group of friends and acquaintances is intact, or is likely intact.
If anybody in the area is looking for a friend tonight, email or call. And bring an instrument or a CD or something.
Peace out.
~Helena*