03 September 2000 ~ Amazing feats of escapism...

Hours I have spent sleeping in the past three days: approximately 3, possibly 3 and one-half.

Hours I have spent working in the past three days: approximately 30.

Alcoholic beverages I have consumed in the past three days in anticipation of going to sleep: approximately 10, including two Heinekens, some yucky pink stuff in the fridge, and my personal favorite, Bailey's mixed with coffee at a ratio of 1 shot coffee per 10 shots of Bailey's. Have decided I love Bailey's Irish Cream. Have also decided it's absolutely the devil, but I'm too tired to argue with temptation, etc.

Effectiveness of previously mentioned alcohol on Helena's sleeping patterns: approximately 0%.

Caffeinated beverages Helena has consumed in the past three days in an attempt to be happysunshine girl: approximately 35.

Approximatation of Helena's current happysunshine level, on a scale of one to ten, ten being blue skies and pink sparkles and Christmas lights: approximately zero.

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From a letter written sometime within the past three days, in a random blue notebook because I couldn't find my notebook of "letters not to send":

"...And yes, I'm very well aware that this is all a form of escapism -- perhaps even a relatively severe form of escapism when compared to my usual moderation of pretty much everything. I'm going crazy; I work, I drink, and I sleep if I'm lucky. And I shower.

I have a few things going in my favor. I know how to save money, first of all. I'm damn near impossible to beat when it comes to saving money. Second, yes, I've been living my life entirely through chemicals, but generally speaking, they're GOOD chemicals, not crap. Third... Yes, I'm very well *aware* this is a form of escapism.

And not necessarily an escape FROM anything...."

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Must sleep. Am within sight distance of the stage where falling asleep with my cheek on the keyboard sounds appealing. VERY appealing.

~Helena*

"Watch her watch the mornin' come..." --James Taylor (DON'T ask...)