Helena Thomas is going back to school, thanks to about fifty people or so, who've offered advice, criticism, obscure knowledge, inspiration, and all sorts of things... You know who you are.
I visited the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington last week, and asked absolutely everybody what they'd heard about it, what they thought of it, who they knew who'd gone there... Generally, everything seemed perfect. Except for one thing...
I dropped out of two math classes in high school. The first was just brutal, taught by a woman named Mrs. Gal. We had a mutual dislike for each other. She didn't like me because I didn't do any homework, and I didn't like her because she put me to sleep and then expected me to do homework. I dropped out and repeated the same class the following year with a man called Mr. Smith. Now, Mr. Smith was a suspected crackhead. He used to come to class with a very red face, and he'd begin to sweat and freak out occasionally. Sweat would drip down his face, he'd get really nervous, and if I remember correctly, he got a bloody nose once or twice during class. Hm. Rock on, Mr. Smith. Anyway, Mr. Smith, even though he was weird and sweaty, was a pretty good teacher. Maybe BECAUSE he was weird and sweaty, he was a good teacher. Never once did I fall asleep in his class. I was wide awake and learning the mysteries of geometry from him while watching eagerly to make sure he didn't collapse. I passed his class with a grade in the 80's, which is a minor miracle for somebody who despises math as much as I do.
The next year, I was placed in Mrs. Gal's class, AGAIN. I suffered through two weeks of it, and then dropped out to take a class on Hitler and the Holocaust, in order to get my diploma.
Evergreen requires three years of high school math for admission to the school. I have two years. OR, it requires forty college credits, and they'll let me in as a transfer student and forget all about my high school grades. I have thirty-five credits. Gah-DAMN, I was so close!
But I'm not going to give up so easily. Absolutely not. This IS the college I want to go to. This is the area I want to live in. Evergreen is perfect for me right now. And I'm not going to let Mrs. Gal's unsweaty brow keep me from getting there. Not a chance.
Yesterday, my dear friend Aaron took me to Broome Community College. (This was after I'd gone with him to get his butt probed by a doctor of the prostate-health persuasion... Ah, the joys of friendship!) Together, we looked through Broome Community College's course offerings. Five credits? No freaking problem. That's ONE class. If I take ONE class, if I pass it with a "C" or better, and if I have those grades forwarded to Evergreen, I'm almost guaranteed acceptance. Not only that, but it didn't HAVE to be a math class! It could be anything I chose!
I chose Human Sexuality 120.
Heh.
It's a biology class. Presumably, you learn about ovaries and penises and STD's and things. At least, according to the course description.
BeLIEVE me, I can get a "C" or better. I know all sorts of things about how babies and diseases get made. Thanks to my dear friend Aaron, my dear gynecologist, Dr. Berkowicz, and my dear mother's secret book collection when I was twelve, I know lots and lots and LOTS about genitals, their functions, and what happens AFTER they function.
And so, one night a week for the fall semester, I will learn about sex, in preparation for a stint with Evergreen State College in Washington. How appropriate. I only wish I knew then what I know now, when I first arrived at the College of Santa Fe.
*wicked grin*
Fuck math. Heh.
~Helena*