09 August 2001 ~ Visiting a dream, and conversations of atonement...

Things are good. Very, very, very good.

Stood on the spot where Laura Palmer's body was found in "Twin Peaks." Took me an entire day to locate it and get there and back, but it was ever so worth it. It was a miniature religious experience. Almost like a very vivid dream coming true: the familiarity, the sense of déjà vu, in a place I've never actually been in before... I must admit, I had goosebumps all up and down my arms when I stood in that spot and asked the lodge's gardener to take my picture there.

Things have been working out with frightening accuracy. Every time I decide, "gee, now would be a good time to look for ______," I end up immediately locating a bus to that place. Weird. Or a ferry.

Went to Olympia today with Jane to look at a college I might go to. It was a very rewarding trip. I was informed that I'm not qualified for admission there yet, but fortunately, I was qualified in time to do something about it.

Had a nice little talk with Jane, too. Something I'd been meaning to say. We came to a lovely little understanding, I think, without too much trauma or trouble, and without any real melodramatics or mushiness. Jane is so, so cool. It's very cool to have friends like her. Before I leave, I'm going to try very hard to put aside the toughchick Helena, and hug her, and tell her that she's wonderful and I love her. Recall when I dreamed I killed her, and then tried for some kind of atonement by ordering lots of weird food at Denny's, in true Jane-style? I told her about that. I think she understood. It was a little easier to tell her about that dream and the subsequent Denny's visit than to say, I would never, ever intentionally hurt you, ever... She's a bright girl; she got the message. I wish I had the guts to say it like that, but I've done the best I can at the moment, and I feel quite relieved and happy.

I have to go. My biological clock is still WAY fucked up, and I feel like it's 4 AM or so, which it isn't. I'm going to try to sleep now.

Love,
~Helena*

"August 07, 2001, 1.07 PM, PST ~ Kiana Lodge, Poulsbo, Bainbridge Island, WA. Dear David... Wow. Love, Helena." -- a little message for David, written on a napkin, from one of the Twin Peaks filming sites...