07 August 2002 ~ Judy's turn...

A girl at work told me I was "dirty" because I'm an Evergreen student. She also informed me that I am bisexual, that I couldn't ever got a boyfriend because I don't shave, I'm (*GASP*) a LIBERAL, and that I hold riots in the streets on MayDay ("That's like, um... the first day in May, I think...?") to protest my "Cause," which is saving all the little animals.

I quit the next day.

I DO still have a job; I got two jobs at the same time if you'll remember... But, sorry, I'm not going to take this "you're-so-dirty" shit anymore. I went through enough of that bull in high school because I didn't wear the right sneakers and I read instead of applying make-up for hour after hour.

I'm NOT dirty.

If I can quit a job (which I worked my ASS off to get) without blinking an eye, because some girl told me I was "dirty," why can't I finally BREAK THE FUCK UP with my alleged boyfriend who repeatedly cheats on me in various ways...?

I think it's guilt. After all, I've done all this shit to other people -- people I've LOVED. I guess now I know exactly what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the news that somebody who supposedly cares about me is sleeping with somebody else.

It feels horrible.

Feels like I'm not good enough.

Feels like I'm "dirty."

Feels like I deserve it.

What goes around comes around, I guess. Now I know what it feels like.

So I wanted to say I'm sorry.

And that if I had it to do over, I'd have done everything differently.

It's about time it all came back to haunt me. I did all of the same things to someone, and now they are being done to me. You are vindicated.

But I want you to know, REALLY, that I'm sorry. And if I'd known how much it sucks, how disgusting this feels, I never would have---

I have to go.

Go read somebody else's journal or something.

~Helena*