25 July 2004

There is a place in Olympia known as Safeplace. It is a shelter for female victims of domestic violence, and their children. It is confidential, so nobody knows exactly where it is except its residents, employees, and former residents and employees. It isn't heavily guarded or anything, but security is fairly tight. It's in a reasonably safe location and there is at least one staff member on duty at ALL times, day and night. Residents may receive phone calls, but they have to make lists of people who are "accepted callers." This is where I have been staying since I left the Jensens' house.

Safeplace seems like it ought to be a pretty... well... safe place.

And generally, it has been. There was one incident where this one lady blew a fucking gasket over a copy of the Braveheart video, and backed another lady into a corner. The Braveheart lady was escorted elsewhere within a matter of hours. She was a nutcase anyway.

(After the Braveheart incident, staff decided that "violent" videos were no longer allowed in the house. That included episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It might, they said, "trigger" some women. To that, I replied: "if Buffy the fucking vampire slayer isn't going to trigger the former member of a vampire cult, it's probably safe to watch it." After that, several of the other residents have been somewhat wary around me... Oh well.)

Once, one of the staff members got locked in a bathroom at one in the morning. The lock on the door had actually broken off inside the wall. The woman banged on the walls and yelled until I finally woke up from a sound sleep. By that time, she was crying and directing me to call 911. So I did. Some very large firemen with a very, very large axe came tromping up the stairs just a few minutes later. Just what every domestic violence shelter needs: large firemen with axes wandering around. Fucking hell. But nothing and nobody got chopped up, and the staff woman got out of the bathroom safely. So, that wasn't any big deal.

Since I've been there, generally, it's seemed pretty safe.

Oh, yeah, and there was also the ex-tweaker who regularly stole shit from other people's rooms until I caught her one day and yelled at her in front of everyone at the weekly house meeting. She was a psycho. She also slept with her room-mate's date one night. Yeah, she was a sick fuck.

Okay, okay, other than THAT, it hasn't been TOO bad. Not great, maybe not even good, but not TOO bad. Mostly, I've felt safe.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Safeplace, according to local talk, just received a very, very large grant for "children's advocacy services." The amount of this grant, the source of this grant, and the existence of this grant, remain unconfirmed at this time. Let's just say it's a pretty reliable rumor. I'll check it out with the local newspaper later.

The important details to remember are: Safeplace. Large grant. Children's advocacy services.

* * * * * * * * * * *

This week, allegations of sexual molestation were made against a ten-year-old resident of the shelter. The allegations occurred after a staff member found a USED condom in the house. (It's a shelter for women and children, remember... No men allowed, unless they happen to be firemen with axes...)

The victim's mother reported that her child was very upset, and the child went to stay with a friend for a few nights.

Staff members told her, "it was consensual; they're almost the same age."

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE SAME FUCKING AGE DOESN'T MEAN IT WASN'T SEXUAL ABUSE, YOU STUPID FUCKERS.

They refused to do anything. They held a meeting among the mothers of the household, to discuss the policy of keeping your children with you at all times.

Every staff person at the shelter is a "mandated reporter." That means, if there is ANY allegation of child abuse, or if they witness ANY child abuse, staff MUST report it to Child Protective Services. Once, they threatened to turn a lady in to CPS for yelling at her three-year-old. The lady in question showed the patience of a saint most of the time. Yelling once was no big deal.

However, when this allegation was made, staff's opinion was: boys will be boys. No phone calls were made: not to CPS, not to the police, not to anybody.

As it turned out, at least one other child in the household -- a six-year-old -- was sexually abused. The extent of the abuse is unclear, because who the fuck wants to badger their young children into explaining what, exactly, happened...? The youngest child, though, was locked into an enclosed area and forced to remove his clothing. Anything more than that is anybody's guess, although the child has been having frequent nightmares, during which he screams, "I don't want to do that!" and "stop doing that to me!"

And what has Safeplace done?

FUCKING NOTHING.

The woman who handled the initial allegation refused to call CPS or the police because the sex acts were "consensual." She was sure of it because the kids were almost the same age. When the second allegation was made, the staff woman was unsure of what to do, and so she called her supervisor. The supervisor said she wasn't going to do anything just yet, because this was her "day off."

The mothers had to call the police on their own.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Some of these women have already been through some of the most horrific experiences you could hear... Stories at AA meetings are NOTHING compared to some of this shit... These women have been stabbed; their bones have been broken; they have been stalked, harassed, beaten, threatened, tortured... Their kids have been locked in closets. Their belongings have been destroyed. They have been raped and belittled and kicked around. Some of us have been choked and called "whores." Some of us were pregnant at the time. One woman had her child kidnapped by family members. Another was beaten regularly and severely by her parents because of her sexual orientation. It's not just husbands and boyfriends. And it's not just trailer-trash alcoholic men, either.

The point of going to a domestic violence shelter is to have a place to sleep where you're not going to be hurt. Where nobody's going to hit you, or steal your child, or threaten to kill you. Where your kids can't get beaten or molested anymore. Where you can get yourself back on your feet -- get a job, get an apartment, get into counseling, whatever -- and move on with your life. Where you can talk to staff members and other residents about your feelings, and about relationship dynamics, and about where you want your life to go.

The point is NOT to be hurt anymore.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I don't wish to belabor the obvious by explaining that IT IS FUCKED UP TO DO NOTHING TO PROTECT CHILDREN FROM BEING MOLESTED UNDER YOUR VERY NOSE.

But I do think I should mention that the women -- and children -- at this shelter, are encouraged to place our trust in them. They are called "advocates," because they are supposed to "speak for" us, on our behalfs. They are supposed to help us find our voices. Some of these women have no voices after being locked in closets and stabbed and beaten. When I came to Safeplace, I had a voice of my own, but that's because I'm a tough bitch. And because I value my voice and my words more than I value almost anything else. One's voice is one's dignity. Many of the women at the shelter have lost their voices and their dignities. The advocates are there to help us relocate them. Supposedly.

I say, when a person with that kind of authority, breaks the trust of somebody who is already hurting, or victimized, she should have some serious retribution coming her way.

You don't fucking tell somebody that their kid wasn't molested because "they're the same age; it must have been consensual." You don't tell somebody else that you're not going to call the cops because it's your fucking DAY OFF.

You don't brag about your grant for "children's advocacy," and then let somebody sexually molest children in the room DIRECTLY next to your office.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Helena," one of the women said to me, "when you have that baby, you're going to understand what it's like to feel like... like they're the most important thing in the world. Nothing could hurt you more than seeing your child hurt. Nothing. Not even your boyfriend walking up to you and saying, 'I hate you.' They become your world."

I said: "I know."

The woman looked a little skeptical.

But I know.

I stayed with Jake when he threatened me. I stayed there even though he hated me. I stayed there even though he threw regular temper tantrums, went through my shit, hacked my email accounts, and refused to let me go to work until he'd seen for himself that I wasn't meeting some guy (read: Neil) there.

But when he threatened my kid...?

I punched him in the head and told him I'd kill him.

You know that's a felony?

I would have killed him, too, had he made any serious attempt to hurt the baby. Murder is also a felony. But I would have done it. You don't fuck with my kid. I don't care that s/he's not even a foot long yet, and I don't know if s/he is a boy or a girl. I know that I love my kid. And I'd do anything to protect him/her. Anything.

Remember: God is a mother. Even the Judeo-Christian God. All that New Testament business about loving thy neighbor and shit? That's a nice, sweet, "feminine," motherly thing to say. But all that Old Testament crap about slayings and plagues and vengeance? That's a mom too. This woman, a Methodist minister, told me that once. She said she thought God was maybe a very large African-American-looking woman; that was how she pictured God.

I knew these things already, though.

I'm very afraid of bringing this sweet little baby into a world where kids can force other kids to have sex, and where little children scream all night in their sleep, and where NOTHING IS FUCKING DONE ABOUT IT.

* * * * * * * * * * *

For those of you who live in Washington and have heard all about the fantastic job Safeplace does of taking care of battered women, I urge you to stop listening to the relentless media coverage of how many women they "help."

Of course, many women, including myself, have benefitted from their services. But I'd rather have had noplace to go -- I'd rather have slept on the streets after I left the Jensens' place -- than know that I'm benefitting from a place that knowingly allows kids to be sexually abused.

Spread the word to your friends. Call The Olympian and the Tacoma News Tribune; I'm too chickenshit to do that from the phone in the hallway of the shelter. And next time you see Safeplace on a list of good-deed-doers, write "safe haven for child molesters!" next to it. If they continue to deny that there's a problem, and if they continue to refuse to do anything about it, I swear I'll bear witness to everything I've written here, until they lose their fucking licenses.

The police are expected to show up sometime today, since the mothers called them. Who knows what will happen then.

I'm leaving soon anyway; I've got a place to go as of the first of next month. Meanwhile, I'm very, very busy doing other things, so I won't be around much. But if this doesn't get resolved REALLY quickly, and if it doesn't involve frying the kid who did this shit -- AND his cracked-out mom -- I'm going to conspire with the other mothers to fucking ruin this organization. Meanwhile, I just thought I'd let you know just exactly how "safe" you and your children will be if you ever decide to go there...

~Helena*

"Nolite bastardes carborunderum." --Margarent Atwood.