"Two, everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers." --Pi.
So do this math for me... 14 hours of work today, five miles of walking, 12 dollars' worth of cab fare, 8 dollars' worth of tips, 35 orders coming in all at once from 19 people at 1 table, 6 fryers with which to make 35 orders for 19 people and 5 minutes to do it in... Awake at 7 this morning, 6 hours at work, 2 hours with my mom's dogs, 8 hours at work, 25 minutes back to my mom's house, (which breaks my current speed record), 20 minutes coaxing the dumb little orange dog to go to the bathroom, 2 minutes stripping and putting on the Special Magic Purple Boxers, and like 10 hours of trying to get the computer to sign on... 1.49 AM. Press return.
It all adds up to one thing: I want to fucking go to bed.
(But I wrote this earlier this evening, in my head, and I don't suppose I'll be able to sleep until it's out...)
Was thinking of you tonight. I was holding a dripping pan of grease and realized your presence. I thought working 50 hours a week would force me to stop daydreaming, force me to concentrate more on the things that matter most in life, like caffeine and grease. Apparently, it doesn't work that way.
I thought of you, and of your face. You ever see somebody's face in a vat of lard? It's disconcerting to say the least, and did you quite an injustice. You have beautiful skin. Kind of a stupid thing to notice about somebody, I guess, but hey, it was just a stupid daydream. Or evening dream. I don't know. My time-clock is pretty messed up.
Thought about mornings waking up next to you, and doing that thing where I close my eyes and think something as loudly as I possibly can to see if you can hear me. I still don't know if it works, but it always gives me a headache. Whatever.
Thought, "I love you too," and figured maybe you were thinking at me this time. Wondered where you were, what you were doing... Checked the time, still couldn't decide where you were or what you were doing. The clock said 7 or 8 or something, I think. My head was cloudy -- could barely decipher whether it was morning or evening. Guess you were probably working or eating or sleeping. Maybe in the bathroom. Or somewhere in between. But that leaves a lot of room for error.
Should have been paying attention to my damned lard instead of thinking. Shouldn't have been bothering to think about ANYBODY. Going to burn myself really badly one of these times. I try not to drift off so much; don't really like being known as a space cadet. Particularly not a hopeless-romantic space cadet.
Love you very much. Am a little lonely. A little preoccupied. Would like to see you. Wish I wasn't preoccupied. Wish also to hug you right now. Wouldn't serve you any of this shit now that I know how we make it at Sharkey's.
Going to work a little harder now. Need to think about other things.
2.12AM. Almost 20th hour of being awake.
Saw half a Lifetime movie with... fuck, what's-his-name -- in it today... James something... Madison? He was in Twin Peaks. Dude can actually act. Too bad he didn't in Twin Peaks.
I got two compliments today on how good a worker I am. I didn't really think I was doing that great of a job, but judging by how exhausted I am now, I may have actually accomplished something. Maybe I was just trying not to think.
I'm applying for colleges for the Fall of 2001. I'm thinking of going back full-time then, supposing I can get financial aid. Like, MAD financial aid.
Whatever. Fuck it. This entry was supposed to be about something tonight, but I can't remember what. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
~Helena*
"Heaven knows what a girl can do..." --Garbage, "Paranoid."