Spent this morning very, very happy, thinking about working at Sharkey's. Spent the morning re-reading journal entries from last year, particularly the happy ones... Re-reading them always makes me smile... Even in really bad times, I seem to have spunk, I think. I make me smile. I wish I wasn't so pessimistic sometimes, but I'm working on it...
Spent this morning realizing that I've never written a love letter in my journal, not really. I've written the Sex Entry (really, there OUGHT to be more than one...), and some stuff that says, "I love you, Peter," but... I haven't written a real, live love letter in years... I guess I'm afraid of saying THOSE kinds of thoughts out loud where everyone can see them. Thoughts and words about love make me sort of uncomfortable. You know how some people cringe when you say "buttfuck" in front of them? Or how people freak out if you say, "see that black guy over there?" and they get that "oh-don't-say-THAT" look on their faces... Well, that's kind of the way I feel about love. I don't often say "I love you," and so when I do, I mean it.
And I don't write love letters anywhere that people can see them.
Spent the morning thinking about that. Spent the morning listening to love songs trying to pick ones for my mom's wedding ceremony. Decided that kd lang is a goddess and that her rendition of "The Air that I Breathe" is just lovely. Remembered the first time I heard her sing that song and was happy; it was a beautiful day that day.
Spent the morning planning on writing a love letter. And thinking that I spend too much time listening to other people sing love songs and not singing along with them myself.
Called work this morning -- Record Town -- to tell them to change my hours for tomorrow, because I'm training for another job... They said fine, no problem, they were planning on having L'il Pete come in anyway to take my shift. I'm no longer an employee of TransWorld Entertainment, effective as soon as I get in to sign my termination papers.
I'm fired.
...for using my manager's passcode to do an exchange while he was roaming the mall for two hours.
This time, he refused to sign them and called the district manager to tell her to fire me. I've been doing this exact same thing for MONTHS. What am I SUPPOSED to do? Have a customer WAIT two hours?
I'm fired. One of the best jobs I have ever had, and they're firing me. Terminated.
Don't really feel much like writing a love letter.
Feel like crawling into somebody's arms and never, ever leaving.
Am going to Ithaca in a few minutes with my mom. The drive will be nice.
Bye.
~Helena*