03 July 2000 ~ What we have to do...

I wrote an entry earlier this evening. It was called something like, "The carousel, my bulletin board, and how things travel." It didn't make any sense. I was thinking about five hundred things all at once. So I wrote about going on the carousel with Jeff today, about the stuff on my bulletin board, and about... well... being sort of lonely... Randomness, take me, I'm yours.

Angelfire ate that entry. It's probably just as well.

It's 2.10 in the morning on July 3rd. I don't feel random anymore. Evasive, yes, but not random.

And I have to post something right now for a friend of mine. It's not a Helena-original or anything; not even close. But it's 2.10 in the morning and this is the best I can do on short notice... (Also, I was going to post it anyway because it's beautiful, but now I have an excuse...) So, this is a song by Sarah McLachlan that's been running through my head for a week and a half that I'm posting here now for my friend Aaron, who I think could use it... Or, at very least, could use some song lyrics posted in his honor.

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go

A glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go.

[Aaron... There are things both of us have to do... There are things we have to let everybody else do... Both of those things are going to be hard, and I want you to know I am here for you during the hard parts -- and the good ones too... We'll do what we have to do...]

With the sense to recognize many, many things... not all of which are pleasant...
~Helena*