Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong and when I figure out what the fuck it is, shit is going to hit the fan.
Nobody knows this, but I'm a spy, an investigator. I notice things about people that I don't even KNOW I notice. And since yesterday morning, I've had this jittery gross feeling; somebody has said something, or done something, or SOMETHING, that's making me terribly uneasy and kind of queasy. But what the fuck it is, I don't have any idea.
If I was a real investigator, like with the FBI, this would be the time to go around checking trash cans in the middle of the night with a flashlight. But I'm not a real investigator; I'm just Helena, and Helena is many nastybad things, but Helena is not a snoop. Just a would-be. I just have to wait until my intuition solidifies -- and it will, probably in front of my computer tonight -- and I'll remember what it was that struck a wrong chord, and then fix the situation. But WHATEVER the situation, my guts are telling me it's something pretty bad. I wish I had the time to free-associate it out of my system... Something about eggs, maybe? Beats the shit out of me. The only thing that immediately comes to mind with eggs is this trippy old Floyd song called "Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast."
I wish I could figure out how the fuck my mind works so I could make it work a little BETTER. I feel like something's wrong, therefore there IS something wrong -- I have NEVER had this feeling falsely. Damned brains...
~H.T.*