Started my second job this evening. I'm so tired. Eight hours of work, an hour of the bus, an hour walking from one job to the other on the busiest highway in town... I need sleep.
Wrote a letter to Peter last night. I can't post it here. I know I said I had nothing to hide, no secrets to keep, and there's no reason for me to keep my personal life private... But this is too much. I can't say these things to the world. I wrote the letter last night in my backyard by candlelight, with bats swooping over my head and bugs crawling on my notebook... I was very, very lonely. Peter's angry at me again; I'd go to his place and ask him if we can have a good long talk, or maybe just not talk at all, just curl up in a little ball of PeterHelena and hug for awhile...
I read my Tarot cards last night. I uncovered the seven of swords, the eight of rods, and the wheel of fortune. If anybody has any idea what that means, email me.
I hate my new job, and I haven't even really started yet.
I believe I have a crush on the assistant store manager of Record Town, although this is not the most welcome feeling in the world. How can you work with someone you'd like to go out with? I feel very guilty about it, and I keep trying to tell myself it's nothing, and maybe it IS nothing, but I'd like to really believe it. Of course, it's nothing I'll act on, nothing I'll even mention to anyone until one of us leaves the store... Matt's dated people within the company before, I know -- I was hired as a replacement for one of them, as a matter of fact. I won't risk losing my job there. I love it too much. Maybe when he finds another job I'll say something. Maybe by then I'll have forgotten about it completely, which is what I'm hoping. I hate working with him and feeling my heart skip a beat every now and again. It pisses me off. I piss me off.
I want to go to Peter's apartment. I need a hug.
I have to go to bed.
~Helena*
"If I ever decided to pork a woman, it wouldn't be pork." --Jeff's oh-so-sensitive opinion about fat girls.