As of 4.34 AM on May 28th, I allegedly became an adult. Twenty-one years old; I was already allegedly mature enough to vote for the president of my country, and now I'm allegedly mature enough to legally get drunk while watching the voting results.
For some reason, there's a feeling of intense shame associated with a.) being so damned old, and b.) being so damned young. I feel like a brand-new freshman in high school: finally out of the baby-school and feeling like a real live big-girl, but also the subject of tremendous -- if unstated -- ridicule for being the new baby.
But whatever.
I spent the day trying to avoid people. I didn't go to any of my usual hang-outs, avoided the phone and the internet... I figure, what the fuck; I spend my entire life making small talk with people. I literally cannot sit on my futon watching TV for two hours without having someone knock on my door, ring my doorbell, or call me with something terribly urgent like a movie review. I get paid for making small-talk and idle chat, and for ONE fucking day, I thought I'd treat myself to the peace of not having to pay any attention to anybody: a little birthday present. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and I suppose everybody's terribly disappointed with me for not wanting to do ANYTHING. I work fucking 50 hours a week or MORE, kiddies, and I would like to lay in bed for ONE DAY without answering the phone at nine in the morning, or answering the doorbell to find five slobs on the porch asking directions to the insane neighbors' apartments... Alas, I ran into four or five people I was expected to talk to, and came home to EIGHT messages on my answering machine asking why I wasn't home and what's wrong with me, and why I don't want to go out with so-and-so for lunch, breakfast, dinner, drinking, dancing, and some party or another... Well, fuck you all; I deserve peace ONCE in awhile. Not to say I don't greatly enjoy the company of some of you, but I CAN'T keep entertaining ALL of you ALL OF THE TIME.
I'm going to bed. Hopefully, the phone won't ring.
~Helena*