You don't fuck with the United States Postal Service.
I just thought today would be a good day on which to discuss that. Today, a kid who was putting pipe-bombs in mailboxes was arrested. The little fucker.
Go ahead and bitch ALL you want about the USPS, and make all the "going postal" jokes you want, but kids, the USPS loves you. You ever see letter carriers outside in a 40-below wind chill bringing people their letters? Yeah. That's because they love you. Ever fly into Dulles Airport and see the "Welcome to Washington DC" sign pasted on the roof of the post office? That's because they love you. I swear it to you. There is ONE guy, one postal worker in Albuquerque, who does not love you. All the rest of them love you. Buy your favorite postal worker some flowers sometime. Bring them some french fries. Write them a letter. A love letter if the urge strikes you; after all, they DO love you.
Postal workers are the people who leave you the five dollar tips at the coffeehouse where you work. Postal workers are the folks who smile when they see you're sending mail to Bethesda, MD and tell you that's where their daughter lives. Postal workers are those geniuses who memorize all the Zip codes in Texas. Postal workers are your friends who stop by every day, and if you're home and walking outside when you're around, will engage you in a conversation about Franz Kafka. Postal workers give fifty cents to thirsty kids so they can go buy themselves a Sprite. Postal workers are fucking awesome. Postal workers ROCK. You don't fuck with postal workers.
Today, Helena would like you to do something nice for the USPS. Even if you don't write a ten-page love letter to your favorite postal worker, just scrounge up twenty-one cents and send a postcard to your best friend. That twenty-one cents will support one of the best fucking companies on this planet. Get a penpal today. Put some dandelions in your mailbox with a ribbon tied around them and a note that says, "Thank you, Postal Worker!" Hell, go to your local post office and fill out a comment card that says nice things about the people there! Not only will you be doing something to make some people smile, but the Postmaster General will send you a nice big packet of information about USPS history. With pictures in it. Invite your mailman over for screwdrivers and a game of poker. Give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him his wife and kids are very lucky. Talk about oldies' radio with him (because ALL postal workers like oldies' radio). All postal workers also like french fries...
And f'gahd's sake, don't fucking BOMB your postal workers, or we can't be friends. If you've ever even THOUGHT about it, we're no longer friends.
LoveYourMailman.
~Helena*