I don't want to grow up, I really don't. It's fun to have a driver's permit and to be able to buy a six-pack legally if I want, but I really hate this fucking "adult" crap.
The first time it occurred to me that I might actually have to grow up -- that it was some sort of biological imperative -- was in 1995. I was in the mall with my then-best-friend Peter, who was talking to this tall, lovely blonde girl named Katie. Katie had this smooth, low voice, and was talking about how she was applying at such-and-such college, and then she wanted to go to such-and-such grad school. Oh, and she had a really nice recommendation from "Andy." "Andy" was Mr. Andrew Beck, our music teacher. She called him by his first name. I mean, cripes, this girl couldn't have been much older than me. She was MAYBE eighteen. And here she had her whole life planned out, and called her teachers by their first names.
Katie always knew exactly what to say. She never got emotional about things that didn't concern her. She rarely threw shit-fits. (Okay, maybe she threw more than your average 18-year-old, but she WAS a drama geek, and so her average was actually well below her peers'...) And she had this tone of vouice that made it seem like she cared deeply about your problems -- but you knew she really didn't give a rat's ass when all was said and done. Katie was a grown up before she graduated from high school. And that day I saw her in the mall, it first struck me that I might have to become one too.
Fuck that shit.
So, I went to this conference this weekend in Centralia, Washington. About half of the attendees were about my age, give or take two years, and the other half were maybe forty, give or take. The conference wasn't BAD, exactly... I mean, I learned some things... I might even use some of them... But for the entire day, everybody kept talking about "techniques" and "strategies" and "effective communication." And these people who were MY AGE were walking around with clipboards, trying to "network" with each other, and discuss... oh fuck, I don't even know.
I felt like the only kid there.
...which was funny, because I know there were younger people at this place...
I was talking to this girl at lunch about people's accents. She knew a good bit about them, and it wasn't too bad of a conversation. But she never smiled, never showed any amount of excitement or joy. She just freaking sat there, talking. I mean, even if you couldn't care less about