I have a confession to make. It's going to make me sound entirely pathetic. But it's important that I tell you so that you don't follow in my footsteps and make the same mistake.
It's a bit lonely in my fifth-floor room. I've got the side that isn't even near the window. My classes take up two days out of my week, and neither one is really conducive to working with others, at least not for me. I have an ever-growing crush on Matthew the SexyBarrista, but one can only sit in a coffeehouse making small talk for so long. And the fifth-floor kids? Oh, I like them. They're okay. Sometimes they piss me off -- some of them more than others -- and there are a few I sincerely dislike, but for the most part, they're decent. But of the ones I have ANYTHING in common with, I spend all my damned time with them already anyway, so... Yeah. I've been a little lonely.
I know, I know, you nice Binghamton kids are going to read this and say, "Helena, you always have ME!!! You're not friendless!!!" Yes, I'm aware that I'm not friendless, but... my friends are sprinkled all over the world. And it's been an awfully damned long time since I've actually hugged anyone, or seen a movie with someone, or just shot the shit with someone for a few hours...
And it's so difficult to get around, just hang out in bars or whatever, to get to ANY social gathering places, when you don't have a car...
So, I did the unthinkable.
I posted a personal ad online.
NO, I will not tell you where it is. Bad enough I've told you this much.
Now here's the important part, so I hope you're listening: People who post personal ads HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM...
What's wrong with ME, you ask?
I don't have a car, and I'm kind of une âme solitaire sometimes. THAT is what's wrong with me.
What is wrong with everyone else? Hooooo-boy...
I'm pretty sure I've replied to all the responses I've gotten -- there are maybe six or seven. I've invited everybody to email me or to send me an instant message. What the hell; it's not like I'm giving out my social security number or anything. So, no matter what is wrong with people, they are free to contact me via the internet. Fine.
So this guy sends me an instant message last night. I say: "So, how're you? How's your day been?" Something like that.
He starts telling me -- within two minutes of starting the conversation, mind you -- that he spent the whole day drinking beer, then drove to his church in the next town over. Wow. What a GREAT first impression... Drinking. Driving. Dogma. Beers before DRIVING? Dude, that just doesn't sit well with me. Beers before CHURCH??? What the fuck is WRONG with these people!? I said I had to go. I DID have to go, but this guy reinforced my decision.
One guy left a response that says he could never date me because he didn't smoke. Huh? It might be noted that I did NOT say I was looking for "DATES" in my ad. I said I was looking for people to hang with. I also didn't say "I will not date non-smokers." But I DID give an age limit. I set that at 35. If you're old enough to be my biological father, you're too old to have good intentions when replying to my personal ad. Sorry. Anyway, so this guy who told me he could never "date" me was 37. What the hell? I replied back to him and said something like, "No, you never could date me. Because if you asked me out, I would say no. Because I don't date people who are presumptuous enough to assume that I'd date them just because they were a smoker." Then I told him he was too old for me and stopped replying.
Two emails this morning. One of them from another 37-year-old guy, this one in Seattle. Yeah, I'm going to take a two-hour bus ride to meet a stranger who's fifteen years older than me just because he says he's got a nice car? What the hell kind of girl do people think I am!? Dude doesn't even spell my name right in the email.
The other email this morning actually showed some promise. He said he'd gotten wrapped up in reading this journal, and was listening to Julee Cruise, and had rented "City of Lost Children" recently. At least that SORT of resembles somebody I could talk to... I mean, at least the dude kind of knows a little bit about me, and at least he's got decent taste in movies and music (or maybe just music; I just liked "City of Lost Children" for the soundtrack... *grin*). Yes! Somebody halfway normal, perhaps??? Please???
But he got my name wrong. I'm 95% sure I SAID to him, "if you email, my name is [*******], not Helena Thomas, although that's the name that will come up if I reply back to you... Helena Thomas is just a super-secret internet name." But he addressed me as Helena. Cripes. And here I was so excited about somebody who was sort of paying attention??? I don't know. I'm going to give this guy another chance, though, since he doesn't deserve to take the blame for ALL the other stupid people who've sent me messages... And there's a small chance I messed up, forgot to tell him my real name, and then actually signed my message from "Helena," although that seems unlikely to me... Oh well.
Just so you know, kids... Posting personal ads online is just stupid. Everybody has something wrong with them. I guess that goes for real-life folks you meet as well, but at least in real life you get the benefit of discovering these things along the way, and not all at once. This is just kind of depressing: one potentially quasi-decent person out of like, seven? Six people who've been just DUMB, and/or AWFUL? *sigh*
Have to go to class now. Try not to post any personal ads while I'm away...
~Helena*