01 April 2003

I went back to school today for the first time since December... I mean, attended classes and so forth... It was really quite an experience.

The campus is feeling fairly tormented right now. There weren't any protests or anything today, but it seems as though the students are sort of paralyzed. The first lecture that my professor gave was on "Education in a Time of War." Norman told me about Gulf War (v.1.0) protests he went to when he was a student at Evergreen. But then, Norman wasn't twelve during a United States war. When you're twelve, and you see that shit on TV, you sort of get the idea that you're entirely helpless about everything. I think it's ingrained, in myself as well as many of my peers, that protesting isn't going to change much. I think, having been so young the last time, many of my co-students are resigned to "whatever happens happens."

Just my guess.

It's going to be tought this quarter, dealing with my program. It's called "What Are Children For?" Yeah, seriously. It's a study of how "childhood" as a concept has sort of evolved into something completely different than it used to be in American society. It's a sort of history/education/sociology thing. Still... the first seminar today was on the borderline between tolerable and intolerable... All of the students in the class who HAD children were sitting there going, "you don't know what it's like to HAVE kids... wait until YOU have kids..." And all of the students without kids were sitting there going, "uh... yeah, but if and when I AM a parent, I'm still not gonna beat it with a yardstick...."

And I sat there and could be on neither side.

I'm taking this program because I know the professors pretty well, because I know I like them. Because I know what they expect, and I know what the work-load will be like. Because there are credits I need to take with "education" stamped on them, or I'm never going to end up being a teacher. I'm taking this class because it was either this, or one about wars. I am NOT taking this class because of the subject matter.

I think, though, it will be good for me... I think I'll make it through this and be all the stronger for it... I know, of course, that something or another is going to freak me out at some point, and I'm going to have to leave the room... But I'm going to try to be very, very brave...

It was good to spend the day away from Jake... I did my thing, and he, presumably, did his... And when he picked me up from school, it was like we'd been apart a week, and holding his hand made me tingle. We haven't spent much time apart recently. I think we both sort of need it. Not that we're actively sick of each other... just kind of needing space. So that, at the end of the day, we make each other tingle.

I'm still feeling sick. But it's not QUITE as bad...

That's today's news... I gotta go to bed now.

'Night, all...
~Helena*