I got stoned last night.
[Cue applause...]
I mention this because I really don't engage much in marijuana use. I've had a couple really shitty experiences with it, and don't want to revisit those occasions. (I ASK you! WHY does no one tell a first time pot-smoker that they shouldn't smoke FOUR bowls all at once!? Had I known THAT, I suppose I wouldn't be so terrified of it now!)
I wasn't entirely sure I WAS stoned last night. I only took two hits. I noticed I was talking a lot, but I ALWAYS talk a lot. I also noticed I was having this strange little recurring daydream about becoming invisible by concentrating intently on my forehead. Then again, occasionally, I'm just weird like that. Didn't feel anything else out of the ordinary.
I woke up this morning feeling very, very bad. Not tired, exactly. More like... comatose? And these strange little sensations of déjà vu keep happening: I was having lunch today when I suddenly, briefly had an almost-vision of the time my dog ran away and my family went searching for her...
I really don't think I like weed. I have to remind myself every now and again, though. Unfortunately, I don't think I've learned my lesson quite yet, and I suppose next time somebody passes me the pipe (or maimed Coke can, as the case may be), I won't pass it along immediately... I must also confess to a certain susceptibility to peer pressure: I always feel like a loser saying "Dude, it's not my thing." It's sort of juvenile, not to mention dangerous, to have an attitude like that, I guess. ("If everybody ELSE jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?") But still, it's a little bit like announcing, "hey, guess what! I'm a total prude!" in a crowded room.
I'm starting to feel a little bit more like myself; not quite so devastatingly sad, not so desperately stupid, not so half-asleep... Not so much like I'm going to hear voices in my dreams and have mini-flashbacks over lunch... Still, it's a Saturday night and I'm both restless and completely unmotivated. I want to simultaneously go to a party and sit home watching TV, and in either case, I think I'd be less than satisfied.
Rather than doing anything, I'm passing the time with the computer and my new CD: the "Macross Plus" soundtrack, parts of which are remarkably beautiful (and ALL too "Twin Peaks"-like.) Obviously, I'm rather uninspired at the moment, so wasting time here isn't going to get me much of anywhere...
Later,
~Helena*