Spent much of the evening in the Computer Lab working on my book.
There is maybe nothing in the world that makes me feel so alive and excited. Maybe being on a Greyhound for three days and seeing the sign for my destination city comes closest. Maybe that nice pause before an orgasm is pretty high on the list too. But really; almost nothing can compare to this.
My shoulders are aching, my head is aching, my jaw is aching -- so much tension builds up. It's like a gahd-damned workout, I'm telling you. The Computer Lab is nice at night, with only three or four people in it. It's completely silent. I may have been laughing, or crying, or wailing -- I'm never really sure afterwards -- and nobody appeared to have noticed. Maybe for the rest of Spring Break, I'll spend a few hours every night in the Lab.
I even learned to use a new computer program -- without asking for help, I might add.
Didn't do much all day: a decaf americano at Otto's, where a nice barrista boy sort of hit on me. Read a few dozen pages of my book. Parts of it are so beautiful. I will underline all the best parts and discuss them with my students someday when I am teaching an English class. Someday, when I am an English teacher, my class will be mostly show-and-tell.
Had dinner with Jen-Eriq. Sat around my dorm awhile. Wandered around the floor for awhile. Got into a ridiculously long chat with a nice Lynchfan boy from Indiana via AOL-instant-messanger. (They all seem so nice and innocent online; don't let them fool you... If you ever meet somebody online who will admit that they liked "Eraserhead," they're probably dangerous, and yes, that includes me.)
Couldn't let myself go to bed until I'd done something worthy of sleep. Ever have that feeling? Like you haven't done anything all day, so it's really been just a waste, and you shouldn't be allowed to go to sleep until you've remedies that? So I did some REAL work. Now I am allowed to go to sleep.
When I was in Santa Fe, and I was homesick, I would get into the shower and put my hands over my ears. The water would hit my hands and it would sound like rain. And rain sounds like home.
I am not homesick here.
~Helena*