03 March 2003

Today is 03-03-03. Pretty damned exciting, enh?

Tomorrow is March 4th; the only date of the year that's a complete sentence... Nyah-ha-ha... Thrills, chills, and shades of excitement...

I HATE things being this way...

The day before yesterday, one of Jake's ex-girlfriends came by to hang out for the day. She was really very nice, and we had a decent time -- and I wasn't TOO weirded out by her presence, although she did have an almost hissy-fit over some relationship-problem Jake and she had a billion years ago. ...But then, mysteriously, she just kinda flaked out, and went out to see a movie with Jake's brother and some friend of his. I mean, out of absolutely nowhere... I mean, she didn't even say goodbye. But she left her car at the house, so Jake and I had to stay home and wait up for her... Which we did... For like, ten hours or something. It was around four in the morning when she returned from her movie.

So, Jake and I really don't get out of the house like, ever.

If it's not one thing, it's another. If there's nobody asking for favors, the phone starts to ring. Somebody always NEEDS something. Which is fine, because I need things too... But I'm stuck in the house ALL the time, and Jake's stuck here often too... I'm bored, and very lonely -- ALL the time. I feel like I -- and WE -- need a little bit of variation...

We planned to go out yesterday. But then Jake's brother said: "I gave you fifteen bucks last night; I want you to tape this show for me..." Well, the "show" was actually a marathon, and it lasted from one in the afternoon until elevn at night. And Jake's brother wanted the commercials edited out.

For fifteen fucking dollars. It was a COP show, and I don't LIKE cop shows. At least if Jake had been home, we could have done the taping/editing in shifts, but Jake got called out on an errand by a friend.

So our entire day was wasted, and we didn't leave the house until the middle of the night. And in the middle of the night, what can you do?

Fifteen dollars is three-quarters of a tank of gas. Jake's friend bought him lunch. A whole day, gone from our lives, for three quarters of a tank of gas, and lunch. At least Jake got to hang out with his friend for awhile.

This just sucks... We're so desperate for money (our debts are into the tens of thousands, and neither of us is employed... and that's NOT counting student loans I'm going to have in a year and a half...) that we have to do this BULLSHIT (TEN hours watching a show I don't fucking LIKE!?) for fifteen bucks. It's humiliating. I made a promise that I'd do everything in my power to be a nice, kind person to Jake, and to do all of the nice things I can do for him... and I can't even buy him a soda without embarrassing myself for the money. TEN fucking hours... And the money's GONE now.

Today, we bought that three-quarters of a tank, and we drove around all day together.

We peed in the woods someplace.

Then Jake stopped at a hamburger stand that has purchased one of those ancient McDonald-Land hamburgers... The kind that the little kids climb around in? With the bars on them? When Jake and I met, he said I was so small, he expected to see me in one of those hamburgers. I think I punched him for that. Anyway, we both climbed into the hamburger -- with no small amount of difficulty -- and kissed each other in view of the setting sun.

And, out in the middle of nowhere, kissing my fiancé inside a large metallic hamburger, that gas money was worth every stupid minute of that stupid cop show....

"Someday, this will all make sense..." --Low

Someday, too, this will all be a little bit easier...

Love,
~Helena*