Spent the entirety of the day (Sunday) doing laundry and cleaning shit up in Jake's and my room.
The best part of the day occurred about ten minutes ago. I'd folded a buttload of Jake's laundry for him, ("not that it's a woman's job to fold shit, and not that it's my responsibility as your almost-wife, but I DO wear your clthes, so I'll take this one on..."), so I decided to employ him to do me a favor... There was this science experiment on the bedside table, see........
The science experiment actually has a fairly gross story (or several) to it... It was originally created out of psyllium husk (the stool-softener stuff? As in, "fiber"?), water, and milk. I never had a need for such a thing as psyllium husk until one fateful day, shortly after my surgery; apparently one of the medications they gave me decided to stop up my insides. So Jake mixed up this psyllium husk with water, and brought it to me while I was sitting on the toilet. Man, if that's not love, I don't know what is. Anyway, psyllium husk is disgusting, and I could only drink half of it before I started getting that gaggy feeling you get when ingesting something that's relatively nasty. So the rest of it sat in the cup for about a week.
We're just not even going to talk about how the milk got into the creation...
Anyway, the whole thing turned into this thick, rotten, clumpy shit... Kind of like very, very old condensed soup, with a thick layer of slimy mold on top...
HOW to dispose of such a thing?
Well, via the toilet, of course... Right? You DRINK psyllium husk with the intention of it eventually going into the toilet, right?
So, having done a bunch of Jake's laundry, I implored him to please dump the science experiment into the toilet. He did. I swear, I'm going to tattoo Jake with a sweet little calligraphic "HELENA'S" in a prominent area of his body. This one is SO mine.
Anyway, the science experiment, instead of breaking up when it hit the toilet water, sat there in this huge, semi-transparent, radioactive-looking glop. The glop was HUGE. It was approximately the size of a very small German Shepherd puppy. Imagine trying to flush a puppy down the toilet. A hairless puppy. A hairless, glowing, moldy puppy. Jake and I stood at the toilet and stared at our science experiment.
It must have looked pretty stupid, the two of us standing there giggling at the toilet, kind of hysterically, for about four minutes...
We were very worried that the hairless, glowing, moldy puppy wouldn't go down.
...But it did.
Jake commented that the hairless, glowing moldy puppy would now be cleaning out the pipes. Imagine it doing that to your intestines, he said...
UGH.
Imagine a hairless, glowing, moldy puppy joyfully and affectionately licking you clean... from the inside of your intestines.
I hate my imagination.
I was mildly afraid to sit down and urinate. I made Jake stay in the bathroom, just in case the puppy was angry for being flushed, and decided to swim to the surface and bite my ass. Jake gracefully complied. The puppy was afraid of Jake, and stayed where it was...
The moral of the story is to clean your fucking room once in awhile or you'll end up with a science experiment, and possibly a bite on the ass.....
Love,
~Helena*