07 February 2004 ~ My ideal mate?

I was checking my email a minute ago, and accidentally clicked on an advertisement. It wasn't exactly an ad; it was an article entitled, "Is Your Mate The One?" This article offers a checklist of ten questions you should consider before naming "your mate" as "the one."

I tend to think that ALL such quizzes are pretty fucken hokey. Hell, once, I took a quiz based on the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual), and it told me I had, like, ten different psychiatric disorders. How fun is that? (Actually, I've read the DSM-IV, and I'm pretty sure I'm okay...) But this isn't exactly a "yes/no" quiz, so I didn't just ignore it. This one, actually, is pretty damned funny, at least in light of Jake and I and our relationship... Here goes:

1. What is my mate's political position?

Heh! In the last election, I voted for Nader, then promptly got trashed with Aaron on Bailey's, screwdrivers (bad combo!), and Theo's cornbread, while watching Dan Rather fuck up his commentary. Oh yeah, and I voted against Hilary. I don't remember who I voted for; I think it was somebody running as a socialist. Whatever. I don't like Hilary.

Jake, on the other hand, did not live in New York, and thus did not vote for Hilary, nor did he vote against her. He did, however, vote for George W. Bush. In Florida. Many times, I've been accused of wrecking the election for Gore (I don't like Gore, either...), but one thing's for sure: Jake SURELY wrecked it for Gore. His vote counted 18 times, after all.

2. Is your mate loud and outgoing or quiet and reserved?

I'm quiet and reserved most of the time, at least until I know people pretty well. I'm a wallflower. Jake's the kid who can walk down the street, make three new friends, and be starring in their student films later that week. Seriously.

3. Is your mate a homebody or do they crave travel and adventure?

To be honest, I don't think Jake likes travelling as much as I do. Or rather, I think we like different styles of travelling. I like to see EVERYTHING. I like stopping in every shitty little town to buy a postcard and listen to see if the locals have accents. I like anyplace that has a "General Store" in it. I like independent coffeehouses and cities that are old enough to have a real downtown. And I freaking love Greyhound busses.

Jake likes planes. And big cities. And tourist attractions. And Disney World. And Starbucks. And dreams of going to Los Angeles.

Yeah.

4. Is your mate independent or does he prefer companionship the majority of the time?

Jake and I are both fairly independent. When I need companionship, I bug the shit out of Jake. When he needs companionship, he bugs the shit out of me. Here, at least, I think we're pretty even.

5. Is he neat and orderly or almost always in disarray?

We're both slobs. I think I'm slightly more organized, but I'm still a slob. To make up for what he lacks in organizational skills, Jake is regularly forced to perform disgusting household tasks, such as rinsing moldy food item down the toilet, plunging the toilet, and picking up dog shit. So thankful am I for his efforts in these areas, that I do the dishes and laundry, attempting (and usually failing, but I still attempt!) to keep my bitching to myself...

6. Are they laid back or extremely intense?

Me: "I have 300 pages of reading to do in the next two hours. And a final paper."
Jake (leaning back in his chair with a foot propped up against another chair): "Baby, don't WORRY about it! Come here and gimme a big old kiss and let me tell you all about the kind of XL-1 camera I want to get..."

7. Are there certain religious beliefs that must be shared?

On Jake's dog-tags, it says he's a Baptist. When we went to church on Christmas Eve, he fleetingly thought he was going to dump my ass and become a Catholic priest.

The Catholics sort of asked me politely to shut the hell up and not to return until I'd "matured." So I developed a reincarnation kick that didn't go away...

8. Do you share beliefs, attitudes or hang-ups about sex?

We both believe it's good...

Other than that...

9. How do both of you feel about having children? How many do you want?

Jake wants five. I want one. Maybe two. We've each chosen half a dozen names, and both of us hate the other one's choices. But, really, come on: William Martin???

10. How do both of you approach physical health issues such as eating, drinking and smoking habits?

We both eat what we like, and we both smoke. Neither one of us drinks, because Jake's on probation, and I just don't like being drunk (I mean, that's SOOOOOOO nineteen...). However, when Jake eats what he likes, it sticks to his ribs. When I eat what I like, I still look like a freakin' skeleton. For me, these things aren't health issues. For Jake, unfortunately, they are. Oh yeah... and I'd rather take a mile-long hike than set one foot on a damned treadmill. Jake, naturally, prefers to watch the freaking Nature Channel on TV while walking on treadmills. Yeah, I think it's weird too...

So there you have it... "MSN PERSONALS AND DATING" would probably tell both of us to run screaming for the hills.

Jake's out of town for the weekend working on a film project with sme kid he apparently met while walking down the street. He's been gone a whole four hours. I miss him already.

*sigh*

Love,
~Helena*