If things weren't bad enough already....
Jake and I came down with some nasty little virus or something. Inexplicably, Jake (despite massive doses of coffee, and large doses of nicotine) appears to have a better immune system than me, and was over his version of the bug in a day. I've been lying in bed whining, complaining about headaches, stomachaches, sore throats, and fatigue for three days now. I slept about sixteen hours last night, and I'm still exhausted.
This is so stupid.
I feel like I'm being tortured.
I feel like somebody just utterly hates me, and is causing everything in my life to fall to shit. I also feel like this somebody hates Jake, and is using my bitchiness as an attempt to utterly ruin his life.
What will the next great tragedy be? Maybe somebody will break into the house and shoot me dead. But then, that would be too easy. That would at least let me off the hook, right?
At least the last time I was laid up in bed and feeling miserable, I had a reason, a purpose for it. It wasn't so bad, being miserable for somebody I loved.
I heard a story once about a fellow who had a giant cancerous boil on the side of his face. Or something equally nasty and probably painful. This fellow refused to get treatment for a couple of reasons. One of these reasons was that he was devoutly religious and believed that he was suffering for others, that he was absorbing suffering from other people.
That guy's dead now. Oh well. I read his book a week or two ago. I didn't get it, really.
Somehow, this all feels very much like a jinx. Or a curse.
In our next episode, Helena will develop a large cancerous boil on the side of her face. But she'll only be suffering because somebody hates her. Or is trying to teach her some lesson about why it's fun to hurt all the time.
In pleasant news, Helena still has Jake, whom she loves very much. And Jake reminds her of a big warm teddy bear.
~Helena*