23 January 2002 ~ The Walk of Shame...

With my computer finally hooked up in my own room, I can finally play my own music while I type... I've got Tori Amos' first album on at the moment. I only play this one when I'm thinking about Neil, or "the old days" when I used to hang with him...

Right now, I'm thinking about this guy Steve, who Neil and Marianne used to hang with. He killed himself in spring or summer of 1997. He was 17. Jumped off the State Street Bridge. I'd never met him. I showed up to his memorial service though. They played this CD; it had been Steve's favorite. It was my favorite too. That tore me apart. Sometimes people are too important to die. Especially young people. Especially young, bright, beautiful people with good taste in music.

"...as the winter takes one more cherry tree..."

I've been thinking about Steve all day. I suppose if people become spirits or ghosts or angels after they die, he's hanging around with me now. He never should have died.

"...one more casualty, you know we're too easy, easy, easy..."

Really beautiful people shouldn't die young. They certainly shouldn't want to die. Shouldn't even say it. The world needs its beautiful people. Steve, if you're a ghost or whatever, do me a favor and let a few people know that...

* * * * * * * * * * *

On a much different note...

Something about college has really brought out the juvenile in me. Maybe it's not having to work a 9-to-5. Maybe it's not having to pay rent on an apartment. Maybe it's not having to cook. Maybe it's living with 18-year-olds. Regardless of the reason, I haven't acted this childish since... a long time ago.

The night before last, it was a "rousing" game of strip poker. Three girls and three boys. The girls ended up naked first. Because girls are so lousy at poker? Of course not! Because the boys were dealing, how about THAT? After awhile, it wasn't such a big deal. Three of us even consented to doing the Strip Poker Loser's Walk of Shame: walking down the hall, into the common room, around the table, and back again. Naked, of course. Louise and I did the Walk of Shame because it was sort of funny. Douglass did the Walk of Shame because he got an erection from looking at Louise and me. We figured he ought to be in on the Walk.

Ah, the sweetness of foolish teenaged games! I've missed them. It's not easy to stay up until 3 AM playing strip poker when you've got to be at work -- at one's nice, respectable restaurant -- in the morning. Not easy to spend your time WASTING time, when you've got things on your mind like groceries and whether or not your nasty boss is hitting on you. Not easy to be one of the kids when you're afraid somebody'll dump beer on your walls and you might not get your whole security deposit back at the end up the year... It's the little things, you know? They make your life great, or they really, really weigh you down.

I need to go to bed now... I've got a lot to do tomorrow, and I'm exhausted...

~Helena*