15 January 2001 ~ Poems in Barnes and Noble...

I dreamed I was in a town with blue skies and amber-colored tea. It was morning, and it was hot, and somebody was sitting next to me, just watching the sky float past.

I was supposed to go on a roadtrip this weekend, to Long Island with my friend Chris, who, inexplicably, decided he wanted to go alone. Well, okay. I was having a hell of a time getting off work anyway, so I stayed here, worked, ate, thought, and checked my email. I sort of doubt Long Island has blue skies, anyway. I also sort of doubt it's hot. It was a nice dream.

I spent this evening at Barnes and Noble with Nathan, digesting a nasty piece of Starbucks cake and reading poetry, sprawled out all over the floor. I'm not a big fan of Barnes and Noble, but they do have a lot of interesting books, and they actually leave you alone when you're lying on their floor mesmerized by something. Sometimes I wish my house was as comfortable as Barnes and Noble, and that I could walk in and find people in various states of trance, sprawled out on MY floor with a cup of tea and a book.

In German, the word for "petal" is the same as the word for "eyelid." Gahd, how I love foreign languages and wish I spoke them all.

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Ran into somebody today I used to sort of hang with -- not really "hang with," but we all knew the same crowd, which was mostly the sleazy Binghamton-drag-queen scene. He's moved on and moved up and forgotten about most of it, it seems, and I'm very pleased to hear that.

I've decided I don't much like the Binghamton "gay" scene anymore. Not that I don't like gay people -- certainly, my close friends are mostly gay, bisexual, or just charming examples of the Creator's "Fun with Gender" playset -- but the "scene," the bar-scene, the drag shows, the theaters, all the grossly stereotypical stuff I used to be fascinated with kind of sickens me.

Thing is, people can be gay or bisexual and still just go to Barnes and Noble and read without having to be swishy and play house music and quote theater and talk about sex. I don't really think most of the world knows that. I don't even think a lot of queer people know that.

I went to a gay bar the other night with my mother and Penny and Norman, and it was okay... I was still a little put off, but it was hard to be really squeamish while watching my boyfriend dance with my mom's girlfriend. My mom and I giggled so hard I thought we'd have to run to the bathroom.

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I exhausted. I think I'm going to make some spaghettios and go to bed.

Love,
Helena*