The night Andy died, everyone seem to be more upset that Andy
had committed suicide, that Andy had taken his own life, than by
Andy's death itself.
Tony, our youngest son, was 17 years old and a senior in high
school. Andy died September 28, 1984. Tony was to graduate in May
of 1985.
Tony said, "Mama, what's going on? Everyone has always told
me only looneys take their own life and my brother was no looney!"
"Tony," I told him, "Andy was no looney. Andy knew exactly
what he was going to do."
I was holding the bible we had bought to give Andy for Christmas.
Andy's wife Sherry asked me to look up suicide.
"Sherry, here take the bible and look it up for all of us."
Under the heading of suicide were approximately fifteen references.
Sherry asks, "What do I look up first?"
"Read the list again," I said. As she was reading, the word hopelessness
came across loud and clear. "That's it, look up hopelessness."
Never will I be able to thank God enough for His Grace as this led us to
the story of Samson and Delilah.
Samson committed suicide as he pushed the pillars of the temple
apart, praying at the same time he could die as the building came
down, crushing anyone and everything around him. Samson had been put
in prison. Samson had been tortured. Samson's eyes had been burned
until he was blind. Samson had been betrayed by a woman he loved
very much.
Tony was filled with grief. Tony was very angry. Andy was dead.
The Grace of God led us to this story in the bible.
Praise God! Samson and Delilah was Tony's favorite story in the bible. With God's
helping hand, Tony realized that Andy had endured enough and was ready to be with God and Jesus.
"And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer
me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them."
"Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines were there;
and there were upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld
while Samson made sport."
"And Samson called unto the Lord, and said, O, Lord God, remember me
I pray thee and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, God that I may be at once avenged of the
Philistines for my two eyes."
"And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house
stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other his left."
"And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life."
"Then his brethen and all the house of his father came down, and took him, and brought him up, and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the buryingplace of Manoah his Father. And he judged Israel twenty years." ( King James Version)---- (Judges16:26-31)
Anyone who tells you that suicide is a coward's way out is one who loves himself and this world more than he loves the Lord. The act of suicide is between you and God, taking lots of love and courage. Of course we don't want anyone to take his own life, but be careful not to judge the ones who do.
What death is more innocent, more pure, than suicide? A leap of faith to be with your Lord. Andy's final act of faith. My son, my son.
These words were spoken by Jesus Himself.
"He who loves his life in this world will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world
will keep it eternal life." (John 12:25)
"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemed: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)
When terrible things happen and our faith is weakened, the devil has won. When terrible things happen and our faith becomes stronger we are God's disciples.
Terrible things happen. God will give you strength when you need it the most. Haven't you ever felt you can't go on any longer? You have no will power? There is no strength. Then you get inner power you never knew existed. God's helping hand is at work even
when we don't ask.
When my son Andy died, I cried to God. Why didn't God let me die instead?
King David cried when he heard his son had been killed.
"O my son Absalom, my son, my son, my son Absalom, would God I had died for thee, "O Absalom my son, my son." (2 Samuel 18:13)
Andy, my son, my son, my first born, "O Andy my son.".
The bible tells us that Elijah and Job hated their life in this world.
"Elijah ran into the wilderness, sat down under a juniper tree, and cried out, "I have had enough Lord." He said, "Take my life, I am no better than my ancestors." (1 Kings 19:4)
Job wishes for death and prays to God to let him die.
"Oh that I might have my request; and that God would grant me the thing I long for!"
"Even that it would please God to destroy me; that He would let loose His hand, and cut me off!" (Job 6:8-9)
All of us have been taught that anyone who takes his own life goes straight to hell. This never was true. Anyone who thinks that this is true doesn't know the word of God.
Alcoholism is a terrible disease. There are miracle healings everyday. Always continue to pray for the miracle of being healed. If you or a loved one isn't healed; it doesn't mean your faith isn't strong enough!
Miracles give messages about God to those who are weak in faith and slow to understand that God's grace is sufficient for the one who doesn't receive the miracle of being healed.
The popular television evangelist of Virginia Beach, Virginia, helped my son make the final decision to take his own life. Pat Roberson told Andy that the reason God didn't cure him of alcoholism was that Andy's faith wasn't strong enough. Can you imagine how this made my son feel? Andy loved God and Jesus more than life. It is so sad that this popular evangelist doesn't know the words of God.
The bible tells us that Paul begged the Lord to heal him on three different occasions. The Lord told Paul, "No, "My grace is sufficient!"
"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure."
"For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me."
"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Corinthians 12:7-10)
This year of our Lord, 1999, will be fifteen years since we put my son in the ground and my heart with him. I really pray for God to send comfort to anyone who has lost a child. It isn't right to go on living after a child has died. You can't cope alone. There is no way anyone can help you but God. Through Jesus let go and rejoice that your child is with Him. Trust and faith in God is the only thing that will keep you sane.
If only I knew the words to tell of all the grace that has been showered upon me by my God and Jesus. There is no way I can explain or comprehend the greatness of it all. I will always feel guilty because I didn't know how to help my son want to stay in this world.
Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) and Al-Anon told us to let Andy hit rock bottom. The rules given to us help cause the death of my son. My son killed himself. My son is dead. We were trying to go by these rules given to us telling us not to help Andy period! If only we had helped as my heart and God told us to do. A.A. is needed fellowship for the alcoholic. But Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous people don't know how to tell the family how they should react. Several A.A. rules have been changed. Too many members were killing themselves. The definite proof that the A.A. rules needed changing is the grave of my son. Listen to your heart and give all the love and support that you can. You will save a life.
Anyone who has lost a child will not want to live. You will survive by accepting Jesus as your personal Saviour. Ask God to forgive all sins and through Jesus you will realize your child's Spirit is very much alive in Heaven. God's amazing grace and love will comfort you.
When you think about the past, you can see all with a blink of the eye. To me, our life here on earth is like that to all in Heaven. The Holy Spirit lets me know Andy is fine.
I want to see my son. Jesus lifts a veil giving a quick flash of how very happy Andy is serving his Lord. My pain becomes so intense that I feel I can't bear this pain any longer. By God's amazing Grace, I receive a quick flash again that Andy is happy.
Your mind lets you see what you want to see. The night Andy died God showed me a picture. Jesus and Andy were laughing together. Then I saw Andy floating like an angel; but I saw no wings. Then I saw Andy alone driving a large motor boat with all of his fishing gear in the back of the boat. Andy was grinning from ear to ear.
All of this ended with a huge gold cross shining with great bans of light like a star, leaving me with a peaceful gentle feeling.
I know your mind can play tricks with your emotions but I really believe what I saw was a perfect example of God's love, of God's Grace, and that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour. Believe me when I tell you that I didn't deserve such a beautiful blessing. I wasn't asleep.
Anyone who has lost a child will understand. We would like the pain to go away. We don't want this pain. The pain will never go away. Time will let you push the pain farther and farther into the back of your mind; but it is always there; a pain ready to grab you again anytime anywhere. The hurt is so bad that your mind automatically trys to make you forget. There is a similarity between childbirth pain and death pain. Your mind automatically starts programing a shut-off valve for so much pain.
Losing a child is more than anyone should have to bear. This automatic help is not working. The pain is never completely blocked out. I wish there was a hand valve to shut-off and block out such pain.
The tears I have shed for Andy are mixed in with tears for Jesus. God loved us so much that He gave the life of His Son so that a sinner such as I may live forever. The blood of Jesus has given us eternal life; a gift from God. No one in this world can even begin to comprehend a love this big. We would never be able to earn this love.
God didn't will my son to die. God didn't will your child to die. Great things will happen, great things will come. Our children are with Jesus. Our suffering will be to God's Glory. You are never alone.There is God. And where God is, there is hope.
Death is a victory. The victory over death is the door to Heaven. There is no escape from your time of tears, your loss, your pain; but there is a cushion; The Holy Bible. Anyone who has lost a child should read I Corinthians: Chapter 15.
"Jesus wept!" (John 11:35)
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
Let God through Jesus give you the comfort you need. God will keep His word. Surrender your pain. Surrender your tears. God will do the rest. I know I will see Andy again as I know you will see your child and loved ones again.
All Scripture is from The King James Version of The Holy Bible.
Can you possibly imagine going through Christmas when your child has died? My child, my son, my first born, my Andy is missing and is gone from family festivities and fun.
Andy's birthday is on December 14th. When it is Christmas the heart becomes heavier. A smile is not so easy; my child has died. Excitement over the Yuletide Season is a chore. I have wished I could quietly go away into the night and miss Christmas all together.
"I'll Be Home For Christmas" is one song that wraps around empty feelings of despair. A big chunk of my heart is gone and so much sadness going through another Christmas without Andy is too much to ask.
My happiness is seeing joy in the faces of my children. Going through this season without a beloved child, seeking strength, I turn to the Lord with thankful praise forever being blessed to be Andy's Mother.
I know I must face up to what still remains. It is Christmas, the birthday of Our Father's Son, Our Saviour, the birthday of Jesus Christ Our Lord.
I remember how much Andy enjoyed the delightful experiences of Christmas morning, the shouts of joy upon finding gifts left under their Christmas tree by Santa Claus; so many days, special days filled with love for each other.
Andy might never have been born to us. There would of been no way of knowing of all the pleasures this special person brought to this family. To have been allowed to love the child who really belonged to God, to have been allowed a place in Andy's heart is a gift from God to always treasure. I knew my son was only here to be shared. I acknowledge the fact that my child belongs to God.(EN-99')
"Your children are not your children,
They are the sons and daughters of God.
They come through you, but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies, but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of the Lord for which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams." (Gibran)
It is a grief like no other. We were never going to see our child again in this world, never hug him, never see him smile or hear him laugh; wanting Andy to be here just one more time.
I dare anyone to expect me to be happy.
How can I face another Christmas without this one?
The heart break never seems to end. Such a heavy load, remembering and seeing his face everyday. I can't bear
another day. I want to see my son.
Through Jesus, these times get easier. God sends comfort when we need it the most. The pain will never go away but we lean on the cushion of God's ever loving arms.
God has shared Andy with us. God leaves us treasures of beautiful memories as this loved one goes back to Him. God shared this precious child with us and now we share with God.
Andy was like a beautiful sunrise to everyone who had come to love and know him. Christmas wouldn't have been as bright if God had not given us Andy to love and enjoy for the short time he was with us.
Christmas will be here soon. How can I bear putting up the tree? Last year I took all of our decorations down to sort them out for our Christmas tree. The very first item on top was Andy's Christmas stocking; a big red stocking made out of scrap material when he was just a toddler. When Andy got married we added Sherry's name. After their children were born we added Amber and Heidi's names.
I hugged Andy's stocking last year with so much pain. I am going to put all of this away. I can't put up a tree. I am going off to hide some place seeking refuge from so much pain. Then I heard, "Away In A Manger," being song softly by my guardian angel. God and Jesus are my refuge. We got through Christmas. God and Jesus helped me bear the pain of Andy being gone. God will give you refuge under His loving arms any time you need Him.
Andy's absence has opened my eyes. Never again will I take Christmas for granted.
We were chosen and God let us see Christmas as He intended by giving us the experience of the loss of our son. Had we not known Andy, we would never have known how God felt when He gave His only Son so that we may live.
On Christmas Day, I will be singing praises to Honor Jesus's birthday. To the Glory of God, I give thanks for such beautiful memories of happy times shared with Andy.
Let your child be very proud of you. Make each day a loving living memorial to the memory of your child. A beautiful memory to The Glory Of God.
I ask myself, "How would Andy feel, who loved God and Jesus and the Spirit of Christmas? How does Andy feel when he sees me in all my self pity, all my selfish wants and joys, wishing everything to stop, especially me?"
Andy would be so sad to see me in such sorry state of mind, feeling so sorry for my self, wanting to crawl into a corner and weep forever. Andy would be very sad indeed when there are so many people who need help.
I want Andy to be proud of his Mother. I pray the holidays will be brighter and I will be able to help just one person have a happier holiday season.
When I hear, "I'll Be Home For Christmas," the tears still come. But come this Christmas our child will be having a bright Christmas and is in his true home with his true Father.
I try to find better ways to reach back for happy times and turn my darkness into sunshine. I love others more and more, turning to God, showing my appreciation for Andy being with us for a time. Even though it was a short time.
I will always
treasure those few years given to us.
Andy is very close to me when I shop for his children, for his brother and sister. I shop with more love in my heart.
I almost closed my heart to everyone around me. Remember, how sad your child would feel if you withdrew from all the other blessings God has given you.
Nothing is so heartbreaking as the loss of a child. Please make this the brightest Christmas since your child left you.
God has been my anchor through my darkest hours. My beloved Saviour Jesus Christ has stood by me like a rock.
en/1984-1999.
VALDOSTA STATE COLLEGE
JULY 26, 1988
To whom it may concern:On July 13, 1988, I was priviledged to review the surviving art work of James Andrew, better known to his family and friends as Andy. Having spent the greater part of my lifetime in pursuit of goals unique to the visual language, I was mentally prepared to witness primitive renditions of a host of stereotyped images created for the specific purpose of displaying mastery of the oil painting medium.
Andy's work is different. Although lacking skills of the formally trained artist, Andy found a way to match his techique to images which were obviously distillations taken from nature and literature; this young man acknowledged influences from each of these sources in an honest and direct manner. He forged a primitive technique into a compelling artistic statement. While the term primitive is used here, it is only word which is universally applied to artist who lack formal training in the arts; it is never used as a yardstick of quality. Motivation, dedication, and personal conviction are more persuasive evidence one seeks when judging the merit of any artistic work. In final analysis all paintings speak in a language unique to the placement of line, shape, or color on a flat surface, and they funtion as concrete evidence of the artist's relationship to his environment and general lifestyle.
Having viewed Andy's paintings, I feel that I know him. He was a sensitive and caring young man who left all of us tangible evidence of this innermost thoughts. The legacy he leaves to his children and family can never be sullied with words, changed by worldly concerns, nor manipulated to fit unborn times and conditions. As long as they survive, a great part of Andy will survive.
