Dear Sir David the Psychopathically Insane Midevil Newspaper Columnist,
I have a problem. I am the brother of the reigning monarch of one of the major European countries (Not France). My problem is, I want to be king, but I have another older brother, as well as two nephews, that are in line for the throne ahead of me. I do have several henchmen that are willing to carry out my dirty work, but I am still in need of a general plan. I really want to be king, so please tell me any ideas you might have. Sincerely yours, Murderous in London Dear Murderous in London, First of all, thank you for not telling me what country you want to be king of and then signing your letter with 'in London'. Real smart. Now I know for a fact that you want to be the King of Spain. Now, about your question. Killing the king can be a messy business; I suggest you wait for the king to die on his own accord. Princes and Dukes are easier to kill. My advice: Circulate a rumor that there has been a prophecy. This 'prophecy' should say that the next king's name will begin with whatever letter your brother's name starts with. Work behind the scenes to get your brother and the king to hate each other. Eventually the king will order your brother's death. This will not be traceable back to you. After your brother is dead, wait for the king to die of a sickness or old age. Also, find out which of the nobility will support your quest. If any don't, see if you can frame them for treason. Then have one of your evil henchmen forge a copy of a document saying that the other heirs to the throne are illegitimate. After all obstacles have been removed, don't immediately claim the crown, which would give people the impression that you wanted to be king. They might guess your plan. Instead, refuse the crown, and have another evil henchmen force you to take it until finally you 'give in' and become king. PS. After you become king, please send a token 'thank you gift' back to your ol' pal Sir David the Psychopathically Insane Midevil Newspaper Columnist.
