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  Cop Humor


Cop Humor
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Where is he now???????

Q What did the detective say when he solved the case of the missing mummy?
A "Well, that one's about wrapped up!"

Q Why did O.J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A Everyone has the same DNA.

Q What does CHAOS stand for?
A Chief Hasn't Arrived On Scene

Q What do you call a midget fortune-teller who just escaped from jail?
A A small medium at large. 

Q What do you call a handcuffed man in the back of a police car?
A Trustworthy

Q What do you call officer Bob when he retires?
A Bob.

Q Why do women make better police officers than men?
A Because they can bleed for a week and still not die.

Q What's the difference between an execution and a circumcision?
A With an execution, you get rid of the whole prick..

Q How is an erection like a prison sentence?
A Neither is stiff enough or long enough.

Q What's the difference between Amado Diallo and an Irishman?
A An Irishman would still be standing after 41 shots.

Q What do you call Tuesday's at a Texas prison?
A Fryday.

Q Why did the New York Police Department fire all their gay detectives?
A They kept blowing all their cases.

Q Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q Did you hear about the escaped murderer's new website?
A It's at slash, slash, backslash, escape.

Q Why couldn't Ted Bundy go out the night he was executed in the electric chair?
A He was grounded.

Q What was Ted Bundy's last job in prison?
A Conductor. 

Q What was Ted Bundy's emotional state the day of his electrocution?
A He was really hot under the collar.

Q How many cops does it take to throw a perpetrator down the stairs?
A None, he fell!

Q Do you know the sentence for bigamy?
A Two mothers-in-law.

Q Where do police officers keep their money?
A In piggy banks.

Q Why did the chicken cross the road? 
A Philadelphia Cop: I don't know, but give me five minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. 

Q How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Q How does an LA policeman go fishing?
A He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.

Q Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died?
A 10. Five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.

Q How does the LAPD play poker?
A Four clubs beat a king.

Q Why don't they give Polish police coffee breaks?
A It's too costly to retrain them.


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This site was last updated 03/15/03