ABUSERS and DEADBEATS
The "It takes two" mentality;
It takes one to stalk,
One to harass,
And one to kill...period
ONE
Thank God that old (and STUPID) mentality is dying out
The norm, my personal stories,
and What you can do to help yourself.
Deadbeats, male or female, are those whom look for ways to screw their kids, period. Dont bother sending hate emails, for deadbeats and their actions speak for themselves.
They don't think their kids needs come before them. I have researched tons of sites online, and yet, found nothing regarding fathers rights sites... where it doesnt whine about having to pay child support, and how it hurts them (the payee). I've never seen a mothers rights site whine about it, so, that is why I dont have any fathers rights websites listed anywhere on my site. It hurts the kids, in all aspects, so I refuse to list it.
Their needs come before yours, PERIOD.
Abusers, well, they end up being deadbeats most of the time too. Its the same 'ol story from the hundreds of women I have spoken to over the years. Funny thing is, these people think they are 'special' or unique and yet, they all do the same 'ol shyt.
Here I will list some of the most common tricks/things they try.
1 - THINKING
You know you don't deserve this treatment, you know its wrong. You don't want your kids growing up thinking its ok to treat people that way or to allow themselves to be treated that way. So, you want to leave. But you have no where to go. Apartments wont take you because you have 'too many kids' or relatives 'dont have the room for you, so just work it out', or you just dont know where to begin. Your scared to death; because you dont know if you can make it on your own or how you will. Or, you know that abuser will hunt you down.
Your not alone, trust me on that one. And YES, you can make it on your own, its just new, and thus, pretty damn scarey. Then, you have the worries of the abuser finding you. You have a right to be scared; anxiety, panic attacks are also common is these situations. Its your instinct kicking in, telling you of danger.
You can do it one of two ways; just up and leave (far far away), or quietly plan it. Both are risky, and trust me when I tell you the police are not much help (they dont like domestic calls and WILL NOT testify for you unless you have an attorney and they MAKE them come to court).
2 - GIFTS, MORE GIFTS, AND BOO-HOO
Once you leave.... if you NEVER recieved flowers or gifts before, you sure as hell will now. They give you cards, gifts, candies, meals, or whatever... all with the common "I'll change... I'll get counseling... I love you... Dont break up our family... I'll do what ever you want" crap with it. They will tell you what ever they think you want to hear. They are scared, never thinking that it was their own actions that brought on this reaction (of leaving), so, they just say whatever it takes.
3 - PISSED STAGE
Once they realize your serious (because they cant grasp the "I dont want you anymore"), then the 'pissed stage' comes next. They may take your kids from the bus stop (mine did), threaten you, threaten to take the kids (because its the only way to get to you and they know it), and here comes the court battles.
4 - THE FIGHT BEGINS
They fight for custody. Count on it. Mine faught me for 2 1/2 years, until I caught him on video tape being his *sshole self. I list that below.
They claim your unfit parent. They say you dont change diapers, dont feed the children, etc etc. Divorce lawyers are used to these claims, and I've been told by lawyers (as well as other professionals)that messy divorces are their bread and butter. They dont make money on quick, clean divorces, so some lawyers, stir up the messy situation, encourage it so to speak. I'll address that later.
They claim your abusive to the children. Oh yeah thats their favorite.
They claim you have mental illness. Yup, a common claim in todays courts.
Lord knows, if they didnt like to spend a dime before, they sure as hell are willing
to spend thousands fighting you for custody.
They may follow you (or have you followed) in an attempt to find 'proof' of what a terrible parent you are.
5 - WHEN THEY LOSE
Some loose the custody battles, and let me tell you, they don't handle it well. It doesnt dawn on them their abusive, lack of self control actions is not good for kids. Who would give custody to someone with an explosive nature?
Their attorney has been telling them all along they will get the kids, and its pretty much assumed they shall. They will suddenly 'lose' their job and/or suddenly become unemployed in some way, so not to pay child support. Count on it. Almost ALL of the parents I have talked to have the same 'unique' trick done to them as well.
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