author's + note
Meh. It's ok. S'a song fic, and it's Lifehouse's song, 'Everything'.everything
Gray eyes watched a form lying on a hospital bed, trying to blink away the tears. The doctors… they had to be wrong. Seiji? Dying? The two words just… didn’t compute, not with her. She sat Indian Style on a chair, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he slept. How would she get through, if he wasn’t here? The only reason she wouldn’t end it herself would be because she had to take care of Kaori-she wouldn’t leave him behind. She couldn’t. Kaori didn’t deserve that. But… But how could she just keep going without him? Seiji had always been there. Always. He was her adopted brother, so to speak, and never let her down. He couldn’t just… leave her here. She wouldn’t let him.
“Find me here,
And speak to me.
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you.
You are the light,
That's leading me.
To the place,
Where I find peace again.”
But her gray eyes landed on his gaunt form-he was just too thin. Too many days had he missed a meal, too many days had his body run on only alcohol and nicotine. Her shoulders slumped forward. This was just not her day… not at all.
“Seiji…” Of course he didn’t answer-he was asleep. And there was nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that he may never wake up again.
Nope. Nothing wrong with that.
She ran her hands through her navy hair, not knowing what to do. Her eyes glanced to the window, to the pitch-black of the night sky. She’d follow Seiji anywhere… Anywhere. But this time… This time, she wasn’t allowed to come. Wasn’t allowed to follow.
“You are the strength,
That keeps me walking.
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting.
You are the life,
To my soul.
You are my purpose,
You're everything.”
She could feel the tears dripping off her cheeks; she could feel the hopelessness setting in. The fact that in a few days, there may not be a Seiji to come to, a Seiji to talk to, hurt-and she wanted to run from it.
But there was nowhere to go.
So her next reaction was to fight it-but there was nothing to fight, nothing to hit, and nothing that she could protect Seiji from. Nothing, goddamnit. Nothing. Her hands balled into fists, and she could feel the tears dripping onto them.
She couldn’t cry… she was supposed to be done crying.
She wouldn’t accept the fact that she had been crying on and off for several days-not when others could see it, though. Never when others where watching.
Thing was, Ravi wasn’t used to feeling so friable, so weak. She had opened her heart to someone… and now he was dying. She was doing everything in her power to help, but nothing seemed to be working, like she was throwing all of her efforts into a hole that had no end. But she continued to try, and would until it killed her. She had to.
“And how can I,
Stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
Yeah…”
Letting her legs unfold from their position, she stared at the floor almost blankly. She had stopped crying, but there were still fresh tear tracks down her cheeks. It was travail to watch the person she cared about the most dwindle away; there was nothing she could do.
It was almost ironic that a person that had sworn off human bonds and relationships in any way, shape, or form would be attached to someone like she was to Seiji. Sure, she and Seiji had gotten into their share of arguments and fights, but in the end, they had the same brother/sister relationship as before.
Seiji wasn’t an expert on emotions or relationships-that Ravi knew. But he always comforted her when she was troubled, gave her hope when she herself could find none. Like he had said to her before-he would always be there for her. She didn’t understand anyone like she understood Seiji; no one understood her like Seiji did.
“You calm the storms,
And you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands,
You won't let me fall.
You still my heart,
And you take my breath away.
Would you take me in,
Take me deeper now.”
Ravi’s thumbs fiddled about as she turned her attention to them. She, most obviously, wasn’t going to sit here and watch Seiji disappear, regardless of what the doctors had said. They didn’t know Seiji-he had been through tougher then this. Much tougher then this-this? This was something trivial. Some petty problem.
Or so she liked to think.
She had to stop panicking, stop denying what had been laid out in plain view in front of her. She wouldn’t get anywhere like that, and wouldn’t be able to help Seiji. If she could lengthen his life by even one day, it gave her more time to help, more time to figure out what to do while the doctors sat on their asses and did nothing.
“And how can I,
Stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?”
Ravi got to her feet, sighing lightly. A had came up, wiping her cheeks to rid them of the water that had tracked down them. She padded up to the hospital bed, sitting on the edge as she watched her brother sleep. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed how bad he was-she had been too worried about Sri. Too worried about Sri, and look what she had missed. Look at the mistake made.
She sighed again, knowing that Seiji wouldn’t want her blaming herself-she had a tendency to do that. And if he didn’t want her to blame herself… well, for the time being, she wouldn’t. She would do almost anything he wanted-if he didn’t make it… well, then, maybe he could be happy.
She slid onto the bed, sliding up to her brother. If he… If he didn’t wake up, he wouldn’t die alone. And she’d be here, like he was for her. She gently picked up one of his arms, draping it around her shoulder. “I’m here,” she murmured softly, mist-like liquid in her eyes.
“Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need.
You're everything,
Everything.
"You're all I want,
You're all I need.
You're everything,
Everything.”