Im soo Tired
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: There It Go
3 day count down till skool. I was souped but now im like okay whateva skool lol.. I got ma hair done Sat. I told her to clip mii ends and she cut mii hair. So now its kinda short but I like it. I went to tha mall it was madd ppl in there I was so ready to leave. Rae wanted to go in Vicky's Seceret im like nah son cuz u kno how I get in that store lol. Well I went to tha bathroom early Sat. Morning I woke up to pee and I heard ma cops so I went to tha font window. And to make a long story short they found a dead body next door to my house. He was shot in tha head. Im kinda scared now cuz I aint hear no shots and its like right next door. But hey what could u expect living in Irvington I mean its not the damn surburbs. But that was jus a lil too close for comfort. Im sleepy and im watchin mi lol cousin so ima end on that note ~600~

Its September Yay!
Mood:  a-ok
Well school starts in 5 days. Kinda happy about that. Bye bye red. I dyed my hair back to brown. But u kno I had to mix that up a lil bit lol. Ima make it more x-clusive lata in tha week. Then ima get my streaks. Its growing and ima jus get my ends clipped then ima be iight. I talked to my Poo my lovely bro his bday was tha 31st. I kno he was happy to hear from me. He wished me a happy one so I had to return tha love. Thats my favorite brother right there I Love him. On a much sadder note im sad about the big diaster in tha NO. That is so depressing and I jus wish I could help in some way. I kno I can. So im thinking bout takin sum of my skool money and give it to red cross or sumthing. Them ppl down there need it wayyy more than I do. Im so grateful right now it aint funny. I wish I can go down there and get some of those children. Jus the thought of knowing a child might grow up without a parent or a parent lost a child in a sea of water. Hurts me alot. I hope things can be restored back to normal in a year or so down there. Then there's fools down there fighting and rapping ppl that a damn shame. Lotting I see that much. Shit they need clean food and water. There's babys down there that need milk and formula. So that I can see I'd do tha same if I was in that situation. I jus hope things get better soon down there. Well on that note im bout to go put some grease in my hair its burning from the perm lol

Take a Lo0k n2 my Eyes!!!
About a month ago I would've thought right now i'll be depreesed needing a man rather wanting a man. Having a Man in my life doesnt make me. It just adds to my happiness. See cuz Im good with or without feel me. Im without right now and I cant say im doing bad. Im doing particularly good right now. School starts in 6 days and Im on mi grind. See during school having a dude I could talk to always kept me grounded. I dont wanna speak to tha ladys all tha time they might be tha reason why im stressin so I always wanted that dude I could jus talk to.

Tru--Do I want him or do I need him?
See thats tha big ques. Do I need him No. But do I want him Yes. I want him for satisfaction. Satisfaction knowing that I got him and no one else. Physically,mentally and emtionally we connect on a level. But not on a high enough level where a relationship could start. Do I see more into tha relationship? Yup. But see I wont really know bcuz he doesnt xpress his feelings to me. Like I would like him too. I guess he thinks ima make sumthing of it. Do I feel complete with him? Yes I do. I mean I can manage without him. But its some type of feeling I get when I chill with him. I feel so comfortable and its like we fit together perfect. He's something I never had before. Plus I always admired that he was in college with a job. That was always an A+ to me. Honestly, I do believe he's someone I could bring home to mama and poppa becuz he has something going for hisself. He's very cute something the average female would want and beyond average would to. Thats why I always wanted him so I can feel he's mines and no u cant have none lol. I found myself lately tryna to get @ him. Why? Honestly yo I dont kno I think I jus got a lil too overwhelmed with knowing he's back in my life. That I jus O.D'd tryna get him get him. Ima fallback for a while. Get myself together in skool. Then pick up where I left off nah mean. I gotta do whats best for me!!!

Punkin--Now P. He's a book lol. Keeping it real I was attracted to him physically and emotionally. But we aint really click mentally. We agreed on somethings but he was always into tha hood girls that'll give it up. Probably succeed most tha time. Physically I loved his hair his complexion his eyes tha way he dressed his voice his whole style. Emontionally I loved the way he would baby me call me sexy...baby all tha shit a female wanna hear. He treated me some what good while the getting was good. We connected emotionally we loved each other thats safe to say. But mentally we jus wasnt there. I always wanted something to be between us becuz I loved him. Can get what cha want all tha time right?

Wayne-- Our whole relationship was jus wrong. I was attracted to him physically. Dreads died @ tha tips..nice clothes..job..money..hood statuz. And he wanted me. He admired and adored me. I aint wanna turn that down he was someone every girl would want. And P wasnt doing right so Im like damn its ova for us go head spurge in tha moment. Thats where I fucked up. I knew tha relationship he and P had and I still went on and did what I did. Do I regret bein w/ wayne. Nope not @ all. I just learn from my mistakes. When me and wayne went places together all tha females looked at us hugged up wishing they was me cuz my man was cute lol. Me and wayne had an akward relationship It felt as if we were bestfriends rather than bf/gf. I loved the attention we got when we was together. For once I felt love he's the only dude that ever took me out and paid for everything. Something I was longing for. But it was all wrong.

I never was the type to mess w/ alot of dudes so they are basically the only three dudes I had "relations". Of course there were dudes I had crushes on but once they found out I like them it was pointless me wanting them. Some I even bagged but shit looks good outside but I wasnt feeling them not one bit. I God honestly believe I found someone I could spend my time with. I say that to say this Tru is who I wanna be with. But it would be best if we waited till the time was right for the BOTH of us....

My Pain
This might not be alot of drama but how much bullshit can one person take?

Aint one for complaining. Not to be mentally draining. But sometimes just listen thats its only one thing im saying.

2004 was a crazy year real crazy and i thought 2005 would be a mellow year..i was wrong. This year started off crazy but it seems to be ending on a good note. Got my mind right.Money getting right.Gear on point [check]. But lets rewind to earlier in tha year. You wouldve thought things was all cotton candy from the outside but thats only on the outside looking in nah mean. Yeah I had a boyfriend and things started off good but u kno how u get tha feelings shit aint right..yeah thats tha feeling I got. So I already kne what it was..But shit I wasnt ready for what was about to happen. I mean I gave up alot to be with this dude and he went and pulled some mess like this. He cheated on me. See its not jus tha fact that he cheated on me ppl get cheated on everyday. Its who he cheated on me with. Im not gon state no name cuz i aint even on it like no more Fuck Em' lol.. But that shit was like a slap in tha face. All I gotta say about tha feeling i felt is dont take tha knife out my back too fast I just might bleed to death. No luv lost he's still my dude to tha end aint no chick gon come between us but he did hurt me. That night I found out Feb 1 I was so fucking hurt but after about 10 minutes of me crying tha hurting turned into anger. I wanted to take both of their heads of. My heart was on fire literally I felt my heart burning on the instead. I never once in my life let my self get so madd I dont kno what came over me I guess it was the thought that I given up ALOT for him and he did me dirty. Then tha chick who he cheated with i knew they had sumthing b4 and I had prior problems with her and he knew I aint like her. I had got tha feeling they was still messing around. So I was @ tha cemetry and I sent him a text and asked him and him being defensive said why u keep bringing her up. Then he got maddd. I knew that shit was a front. Shortii peeps games lets not forget that. But anywayz for a minute I had hate in my eyes ppl in skool knew I was not to be fucked wit cuz I was abnormally quiet. Tha ladys was ready to ride so was I. I said nah lets wait till tha summer she gon come to tha hood then its a wrap. But then after a while I said fuck it tha shit is done I mean it is what it is. So I jus let tha shit ride and whateva happened happened. Now me and him talk and laugh and joke about it lol. When we see each otha in tha hood or downtown we say our whats up and keep it moving. We act like human beings thats my brother 4 eva G-Squad chea. After that all went down me and Tru became close bcuz he said in the end ima wanna be on his side. Boy was he right. Im glad I have a Man in my life like him thanks for being there and having me realize tha shit was over. But I jus wanted him to realize tha shit hurt me like no other. A unexplainable feeling that no one would ever kno but me and God. I was surprised P was there by my side thru tha while ordeal. Every night he called me to ask was I alright. He was even madd and that was a surprise to me cuz they was bestest. Me and P chilled twice after the incident something I thought would never happen again but it did. P u ma best friend I apologize for what I did too u I Love U tho straight real. How could I forget about my BOOKIE BEAR Rae gurl u my twin mi sista mi otha half. We was ready to go G-Rydin on her lol. But wasnt even worth bringing it to tha hood right nah. U was there for me too thanks mama Love U. Thanks to beanie sigel's feel it in tha air and destiny's child is she the reason, if, and girl. For helping me mellow out at night and during tha day and helping me forget about it. But now I cant listen to tha songs as much Bring too many memories. Kneisha I kno we aint kool right now but thanks for being there for me mama. Dannie my homie 4 life thanks for being there for me too. And Corey lol what u said in CP's was so funny u can pay that bitch a dolla to jumpoff right. U said "I dont blame him for fuckin wit her she a jump so hey lol"...U already knew what it was. I almost forgot bout mi Nico. Thanks mama Whoeva is readin this, this aint even on here tryna dis nobody cuz im bigga than that. Im jus expressing mi Pain in words rather than go and do something stupid. So take it for what its worth.

AHHHH...yo whats messing with thats only tha beginning of tha year. Lata on round April shit got crazy in skool I was failing classes but I brought them up 2 sec. style. I got into beef w/ ppl who I thought was FRIENDS. tha word Friend is highly over-rated. Some people shouldnt even be able to be labeled as a friend. See me I kno ima damn good friend told by many. I wont turn my back on u and ima keep it real w/ u no matter tha circumstances. So when shortii sat there ran it down to me and thought I wasnt gon keep it real was a joke. and then get loud with me like she has no sense and expect me to stand there and tolerate that hell nah. I said what needed to be said and I dont regret it. Reality is harsh and I dont bite my tongue for nobody so I wasnt gon start that day. Then tha shit jus out of control @ skool she started to believe what everybody was telling her. And u gon only believe what u wanna believe hhether u kno its tha truth or not. But tha thing that fucked me up was when she believed this habitual liar she knows tha girl lies even lied on her once before. and u believe her ma shame on u. But see thats when I realized she probably was never really a friend. But yo it is what it is. My life is going good without her and im pretty sure hers is doing tha same. No hard feelings here ma. When that shit took place thats when I began to mature like why keep arguing with these childish chicks for no reason. Why even waste my breath. Theres no logic behind that only to get my point across is not a good enough reason to argue wit u. So u wanna argue wit me step ya game them u might be blessed wit hearing my words and it jus my inspire u..Fuck Em' Girl Fuck Em'...

Oh damn how could I forget about tha chicks calling my phone and my house phone where I rest my head at that. Its still a mystery to me about how they got my number but I think I know. So shorty calls me on sum her boyfriend shit im like ma if thats ya man like u say approach him about whateva u talkin bout. I told him a relationship between me and him aint gon happen cuz he aint got shit going for his self. I dont back track anymore I go forward so me fuckin w/ him would be holding me back. No time for it. So then she got into G mode like well im in ya Bio class when I see u its a wrap we fighting. I said tru mami and I hung up. I was ready for anything @ that point I wasnt fighting ova a dude I was fighting cuz for one she called where I rest my head disrespecting me and then she testing my G like im a fagg. Try tha next bitch my. Im built for war if u aint kno by now. So i seen this bitch and she had tha nerve to speak to me. I laughed and kept it moving. I seen this nigga like tha next week and he aint even look my way he already kno what it is. He's a fuckin snake and u cant trust em'. So this for him tha next time u try to set sum shit up get a gangsta bitch. Step ya fuckin game up lol....


See but what really made me realize it was time to grow up is when I almost lost my bestest for good. I had a problem with assuming and making an ass out of myself. But sometimes I jus knew I was right and till this day I stand strong knowing I was right. Fuck it being a coincidence lol. But thats tha past forget about all that. Now I jus wont comment on away messages. It took alot for me to stop that but now its out of my system. I might be young but I never acted my age but I had young tendencies. E.I.--arguing w/ chicks...jumping to conclusions about everything. See that may not seem like alot but my name was Drama back then. I must admit once n a while I did think about starting shit but neva really acted upon it. I always brought *her* up so he'd get madd and then we'd stop talking. OMG lol i remember when I THOUGHT they was gettin back together cuz his pic was on her page...I mean who wouldnt think they was gettin back together pic on tha page u do tha math lol. Then we stop talking again. But tha last and most recent was when we stop talking over a memphis bleek quote...then tha jay-z quote..Its like when niggaz makes subliminal away messages if it aint directed directly at me I dont respect it. That shit got him heated and he got sooo madd. We got into a big arguement and he went into my age and how i need to grow up. Same Shit Different Argument. See tha whole thing I hated about him is that in his own lil way in MYYYYY opinion I think he does lil things to get ME madd or see my reaction. Tha away message he put up was indeed about me cuz for one earlier he aint respond to mii message and then he put memphis bleek is garbage so whoeva quotes him is garbage. C'mon b for real whats tha fuckin odds that same day that same time his boy "Rob" was quotin bleek. Coincidence nada. But see I was weak minded so I got all madd at myself and beat myself up. So we stop talking again but this time I thought it was over cuz he wouldnt say shit to me but -1- i was hurting real bad cuz I hold a special bond with him and to think he might never come back in my life was depressing real depressping. So tha day he came back into my life i was so obliged. I had grown up alot within tha 5 months of us not talking and I was sure I wasnt gon mess it up. And im not...Love Ya Tru

---My hand tired i'll finish lata

It was Jus on Mii mind!!
Mood:  not sure
When I clean up my room I engage in deep meaningful thought lol...tru story lol....All day I've been thinking about this same thing so I decided to write about it. Tha only way its gon get off mii mind..When I was younger I found myself loving someone who didnt love me back. Giving him my all and he was only giving me his half. Was it his good half that would be left un-said. lol. In the beginning it all started out good feelings between us were mutual. Things change. People change. I grew up. I thought to my self why keep loving someone who doesnt love me anymore. But my whole thing was lets make something outta nuttin Brit. Maybe there's still something there. Yeah thats it maybe we'll be together lata on. Granted I still have love for him but im not in love him anymore. I've moved on. As time went by we slowly but surely grew apart. But sure as my name is Brit I always seen something there for us. Even if he had a girlfriend. When he called oh he wanted me back lol. But thruth be told he was gon long before and little did I kno my true feelings were too. He's my first love and till this day still is. But things arent as they seem all the time. Everyone thought we would be together forever get married have kids and live happily ever after. So did I at one point. But thats until I found someone new, someone rare, someone unique in his all lil way. And thats when things changed maybe he wasnt the one for me after all.