Dear Diary,
Things have been going very very well. So well, in fact, it's almost scary... Well, my roomates have been the greatest blessing from God that I can ever imagine- there's Sarah, Grace, and Rhea. We're all getting along wonderfully and it's been constant growth since I've gotten there- it's honestly been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life... At first Sarah and I had our differences, but with some repentence, it's been so wonderful getting to know her and we're becoming good friends.
And about Hannah- we're getting along really well. It's a good test for me because she's so passive, it's so easy to fall back into old patterns, but I don't at all and her and her family (they feel like my family 'cause I can't ever remember NOT knowing them) they really see a wonderful change in me, and so much of the work God has been doing. And we've become closer than we ever because we're living by God's rules of interation and we're living as two sisters in Christ and learning (and trying to practice) healthy boundaries.
Randy. He's going away to Europe and I'm going to miss him a whole lot- more than I can even imagine. I deal alot right now with jealousy with him- he's getting this wonderful oportunity... but not only that, I feel like when he hangs out with other people that he likes them so much more than me and I have this intense need to be the
best and it's hard. it really is- living in this fear of rejection and abandonment. And I have to call that what it is- sin. I can feel that God is going to do some intense changes in me while Randy is gone.
I was praying the other night and giving the fear up to God and it was then that He told me how wonderful it was going to be when he came back (Jesus, too, but I'm talking in this case about Randy) and that we would be two different people and we would love each other so much because of what we have shared in the past but that we would be able to get to know each other all over again- and I can feel the changes God is going to produce in my life in the mean time. it's a scary thing, it really is, but I know I'm going to get through it and it's going to be hard, no doubt, but I'm going to try...
Gary never called. Not at all. I pretty much ave up on him for awhile, a long while I think because he has caused me alot of hurt and I know he doesn't even give a second though to it...
Carl and I have been friends at work, but past that I refuse to do anything with him because he always says we fool around and I don't like seeing him one day and reading about it in the paper the next...
Then there's Mick and Tom. They're two of the cooks at work and I think they're just wonderful people... They're perverted and completely living in this world, but they can be really great guys when they want to and I just pray that God uses me as a witness in their lives, as I know he already has...
I'm not sure what more to say... well, I was struggling awhile with emotional dependency with Randy alot over this sumnmer, and I basically found myself repenting of it, just pouring our my heart and soul to Jesus, and I could feel God working in me, healing me as I repented. I can't wait to see what other wnderful things God has planned for me, but things, overall, in the midst of trials, have been good.
-K Koval
