Dear Diary,So much has happened in the last three days it's almost disgusting...
Well, for starters, Gary just showed up at my house Mon night (right now it's wends night) with flowers and the whole deal and when I saw him (don't tell him this) I just forgave him that instant. Of course that doesn't mean that everything's ok and perfect, it means I'd like to try to work it out. I may need very defensive boundaries, but nonetheless I am willing to work things out, which is an amazing thing God has done in my heart because I was very far from there just a bit ago...That's all she wrote for now- it's mad hot in here... need air... tata until later:) ...Monday I hung out with a co-worker named Scott and it turns out he wants a "relationship" with me. I was like, ok, slow down, that's a very big word to me right now, you know? Anyhow, everyone knew he like me alot and I don't know... it's hard because I see him now at work almost every day and I don't know what to say or how to act sometimes... I feel so high school with that whole situation...
Well, Carl did come back Tuesday and I handled it well, as if it didn't matter and he appologized for never calling me saying he left my number here- whatever- like he couldn't call work...? Anyhow, but today he was all macking it to me again and sometimes it's just so hard to resist flirting or whatever back... and he asked me when we were going out again, possibly this weekend he said and I said I didn't know because I was going home this weekend... I couldn't just flat out say no! The truth is, I can picture what would happen and I don't trust myself around him- it would end up in hurt and pain like before, and do I really need that? I would regret it later... I think I'm going to do it anyhow, actually, I know I'm probably going to do it anyhow, telling him we're "just friends" prior to going out, as if that might help things... We'll see... I will surely pray I don't though
Hannah. We're going to schedule a meeting maybe. I don't know if I want to meet with the girl, I mean, she tore out my heart and didn't even really care. I mean, I needed her most and she wasn't there for me, why should I get back involved with her??? It hurt! I don't want to be hurt again... it's like the same thing as Carl except I'm all ready to jump back into it with him and get hurt... why? Because it makes me feel wanted and important and worth something.. I hate it, I feel like I'm nothing all the time... and things like the situation with Carl give me some definition physically... I don't know...
Well, that's the low-down... still love Randy to death... This is going to sound crazy, but I feel slightly lost without him down here... like a piece of something is missing, and I just can't put my finger on what it is and it flusters me... I suppose I just miss him a whole lot, I mean, I love the kid...
Rhea and I had and issue and sucessfully worked it out- I finally got to talk to her and told her how much she hurt me... it felt so much better... :)
-K Koval
