What a horrible sounding word! Menopause! It conjures up scarey thoughts of what will happen to every woman in her lifetime. Yahoo! I'm just about there! For years I couldn't wait for it to get here, for the day when I would no longer get my "period", my "friend". (Whoever decided the menstrual cycle was a woman's friend? It must have been a man.) I'm still waiting for the cessation day to come. Sometimes my body fools me and I think, "Ok, my period is late (or skipped), it must be menopause!" Or the mood swings: stomach-hurting, snorting laughter to evil bitchiness spitting uncontrollably from my mouth in the blink of an eye, must be menopause. Waking up in the middle of the night laying in a pool of sweat, my night clothes clinging to my wet body, freezing the moment your wet skin hits the air, must be menopause. So far, I've experienced almost no hot-flashes at all, but I know they are just lurking around the corner. Feeling ultra-sensitive to the point where tears come when least expected, when words and phrases I've heard for years, wound me to the quick, must be menopause.
I swore I would go through IT (menopause) naturally, the way Gram did, never taking any medication. I also swore I would do it silently, the way women used to pass through it. But, alas, I am not my grandmother. Give me pills! Listen to me when I am talking! At first I thought I would just take herbal remedies like Red Clover (helpful for hot flashes). But when little or no relief from my self (my moods) was apparent, and with much soul- searching and health concerns, I decided to get medication from my doctor. Of course, he readily prescribed birth control pills for me [not that I need birth control (boo hoo)]. It has been three months since I've been taking hormone/birth control (kind of ironic at this point in my life, birth control). My night sweats have lessened so as not to waken me from sleep. My period is regular again, however, much less and quicker. I haven't cried (without true reason) for quite some time. And my favorite symptom of all: my swinging moods have calmed to a slow sway.
Okay, I'll admit it, there are a few other things about menopause that are hard to handle, like the fact that I have put on a few pounds, mostly in places I don't want them (my stomach and my butt). My skin isn't quite as firm as it used to be. The fine lines on my face are turning into full fledged wrinkles. The other day I bent over the mirrored tray on my coffee table and just happened to see myself. I was mortified! Bending over that mirror, I saw myself, my face, as a sagging, flabby and wrinkled older woman and I couldn't get away from that mirror fast enough. It was shocking. When did that happen? When had I aged so much? Then all I could think of was, "Is that what I look like while being intimate if I should happen to be looking face down at my partner?!" With that thought in my mind I ran into the bathroom. I opened my bathrobe and let it slide to
the floor. I looked at my body in the mirror. I thought, "Hey, not bad, I still have a decent figure." Feeling pretty good, I turned around and looked back over my shoulder coquettishly... oh noooo! What had happened to my perky, tight little butt? It had every so slowly slipped down further and further until my butt cheeks were slouching, resting on my thighs. Right then and there I decided I would never have sex again unless it was in the dark and I could back out of the room when it was over. Here I am a single woman again after 23 years of marriage. What man would want to be intimate or have a relationship with this flabby, wrinkly-bodied, maniacal mood-swinging, menopausal woman? No man in his right mind!
(Sorry, I digress, another wonderful symptom of menopause, lack of concentration! Yippee!!)
I was numb. The pictures of my face and body etched in my mind. Slowly, the shock of my earlier body revelations began to fade. I had been divorced for 7 years and had made a life for myself, a very calm and comfortable life. I hadn't dated regularly and was beyond the point of even caring. It slowly dawned on me that I liked my life and I had never been at more peace with myself. I didn't need a man in my life. Other than working and paying bills, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. I didn't need to be pretty, firm, or thin. I was past all those stages of life where looks were measured so heavily. I was a mature woman, who had been through all life's stages: dating, marriage, child-birth, child-rearing, working mother, working wife, empty nest, divorced, dating. I had come full circle and I was content with me. It no longer mattered what I looked like. If people didn't like me for the person I was, not the shell of that person, then to hell with them. I had learned over the years to make myself happy. And that's just what I was now. Happy, middle- aged, menopausal, solo, me.
I went off to work that morning after my revelation and the world looked bright.
At work that day, I went through more mood-swings than people through a revolving door at the grocery store. My co-workers actually backed away from me in disbelief at the Jekyl/Hyde I had become. (Funny too, I was aware of my behaviour but seemed unable to control it.) Later I apologized to everyone. Most women understood, either having been through it themselves, or in full knowledge that someday they, too, would become like me. The men, well, they nodded their heads yes, they understood, but I could still see the fear in their eyes (**giggles**). That was the day I called the doctor for the pills. At this point in my life, why should I have to put up with anything I don't want to? Okay, I do have to put up with menopause for a few more years, but I don't have to suffer through it. I won't. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I can finally sell my stock in Kotex. Some other newly christened woman-child can take up the torch I have been carrying for 35 years, and carry it through years and years and years of life's ups and downs, with cramps, headaches, bloating, crying, back-aches, always fearing their "friend" will come at the most inopportune times of their lives... and believe me, it will! Ha Ha Ha..... I'm out of here..... hey little girl, it's your turn to carry this torch! But only for about 35 or 40 years... don't sweat it, the years will flash by like wall lights in a tunnel, then you'll be free, too!
By Emerald Twink (aka Peggy)
3/26/01
[Hey, if you can't laugh about it, you'll end up crying. Most likely you'll probably do both! **giggle**]
2/11/03
Just when I thought it was over with.... that I would never have to buy pads or tampons again.... WHAM!!! There it was, the "red river", flowing again as if there had never been a six-month drought, accompanied by the little demons that ride the rapids...the cramps, the headache, the back-ache, the demon nasties!
I guess I was deluding myself thinking I was through menopause. What a cruel trick my body played on me. After 37 years of periods I had gone 6 glorious months without the curse. Oh well, I know that every faucet has an occasional drip. I hope this is my last "drip".
I did find my own cure for the wonderful symptoms of menopause. I stopped taking hormones (birth control pills) 7 months ago and began taking "natural" remedies. Within 6 weeks of faithfully talking my cure, my hot flashes STOPPED completely, as did my mood swings, night sweats, and everything else I associated with menopause. These are what work for me:
BLACK COHOSH - 40 mg daily
EVENING PRIMROSE OIL - 1000 mg daily
SOY BALANCE - contains 65 mg Soy Isoflavones - 1 pill daily
MULTIVITAMIN for Women with vitamins, minerals & herbs
I'm not saying these will work for you, but it's worth a try. If after a few months, you don't feel any better, chances are these are not the right combination for you. But, thank God, they work for me.
Good Luck Ladies!!!
