But, there you were, every day and every night, same time, always,

and after dinner each night, you would cuddle up in the little

shelter I had made for you under Azure and Josh's cage, behind our house.

I did the best I could to make you safe and comfortable,

you had your own box with your blankees, it was carpeted, and warm,

but I'm so sorry, my little love, that I was afraid to bring you inside

because of the dream I had that you had hurt the others.

Then one day,

you came home all beaten and bloody,

how it broke my heart to see you that way.

I was given a trap so that I could take you to a vet.

It took me two whole agonizing days to find a vet who would treat you.

We didn't know what kind of animal had brutalized you, or if you had rabies.

I later found out that it was an opossum.

Then, when I finally did find someone to take care of you,

I didn't have the heart to set the trap.

You were so trusting of me, that you just walked into the carrier case I held for you.

I took you to the vet, where you stayed for 9 long days of your little life.

I thought that since you would be there,

you could be tested and given your vaccinations,

and then I could take you home.

To my great distress,

the vet called me within one hour to let me know that your AIDS test came back positive.

I had you tested several times, by different methods,

hoping and praying that it would come back negative.

My precious, little boy, it wasn't to be.

After your hospital stay, I took you to a kennel,

until the time that I could find you a loving home, where they would take good care of you,

give you the special care that you would need,

and be deserving of such a precious gift.

Meanwhile, whenever I visited you,

you always looked so sad, and never came out of the carry case that held you favorite blankee and toys.

My heart just broke watching you day by day, and I knew,

I had to take you home.

So, we made arrangements to have latches put on the bedroom door

so that you could have the whole room to yourself while I was at work.

You used to play footsies under the door with the babies.

I would come home and give you lots of hugs and kisses,

and you would give me nips and love bites, but I was no longer afraid.

Not for me, but I just couldn't make the decision to let you play with the others.

I was responsible for them too.

I was afraid for them, my love.

You loved belly kisses the best, God how I wish

I could give you more belly kisses, and hold and hug you tight and tell you

how very much I love you, right now!!

You were such a perfect little angel when it came time to go to sleep.

You would go without complaining into the crate we got for you

so you could still be with the others while it was sleepy time,

and no one could get hurt, or sick.

We spent 3 wonderful months together.

Each day, I tried to give you all the love and attention you deserved.

I tried to make up to you for all the horrible things you experienced in your little life,

knowing all the while, there may not be many more days, or weeks or months for you,

but I knew, I had to try to make them the best I could.

You would know, that you were loved.

Gosh, you were about three years old, and I don't even know if you ever had another meowmie.

Somehow, I think you always knew that you were different,

and I knew I did what was best for you when I found that wonderful lady who would take you in.

You would be able to run and play with other sisters and brothers.

They were also sick with either aids or leukemia.

When ever I called, she would tell me how well you played together.

Sweetie, I was so happy for you.

You had your own little door to a porch that overlooked the woods,

where you could watch all the goings on.

You had a little couch and lots of toys,

and of course, your favorite blankee.

Then one day, soon after you left me, I got a call that you were very sick.

My little love, I am so sorry that you were sick,

and oft times I believe that given the chance again,

I would not let you suffer.

But, God was good,

He probably knew I couldn't take it if I knew I subjected you to a life of suffering.

I believed that you could live at least 8 more healthy, normal years.

You didn't have any outward signs of being sick,

I just didn't believe, not really,

that you were so sick, and it wasn't real to me that you would get sicker.

When we were together, your little eyes would gleem,

your coat was so soft and shinny.

It came as a complete shock to me when the lady called to say

that you had gone into a full blown heart attack and

I had lost my precious little boy.

My love, I'm so sorry that I wasn't with you,

but that lady was,

and she assured me there were plenty of people who would give you belly kisses for me,

one of them, I am told, was with you when you crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.

I'm glad you weren't alone, and that it was fast, and you didn't really suffer.

God was good to us, my little love,

and he will be even better when I cross that Rainbow Bridge

and see you and hold you in my arms once again.

Until that time, you courageous little boy,

you will hold tight to a piece of my heart that no one else can touch.

I love you, My Little Rusty Love.....