BIPOLAR DISORDER
(Manic Depression)
Below you will find a more "medical" definition of Bipolar Disorder but thes faces say it all for me. The euphoria that comes with the mania (the high part) and the despair that comes with the depression, (the low part). The contradiction of this week being a "Super Woman", able to leap tall buildings then, next week, barely leaving the darkness and solitude of my bedroom. One week i feel blessed but it is always followed by the curse of the crash. And even these blessing comes with pitfalls as the mania spins out of control.
Oh the joys of bipolar disorder: Hospitalizations, stigma, medication (should we or shouldnt we and god help us when we dont), unpredictability, great ideas that never get followed through on, all that compassion that the world has for us (not), and so much more.
KAY JAMISON, PhD., describes what it is like to be a bipolar. "There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you're high it's tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people. Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistable. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one's marrow. But, somewhere this changes. The fast ideas are too fast, and there are far too many, overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorbtion on friend's faces are replaced by fear and concern. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against.... you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrolable, and emeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind. You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality. It goes on and on, and finaly there are only other's recollections of your behavior.... your bizarre, frentic, aimless behaviors..... for mania has at least some grace in partially obliterating memories. What then after the medications, psychiatrist, despair, depression, and overdose? All those incredible feelings to sort through. Who is being too polite to say what? Who knows what? What did I do? Why? And most hauntingly, when will it happen again? Then, too, are the bitter reminders..... medicine to take, resent, forget, take, resent, and forget, but always to take. Credit cards revoked, bounced checks to cover, explainations due at work, apologies to make, intermittent memories (what did I do?), friendships gone or drained, a ruined marriage. And always, when will it happen again? Which of my feelings are real? Which of the me's is me? The wild impulsive chaotic, energetic, and crazy one? Or the shy, withdrawn, despairate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one? Probably a bit of both, hopefully much that is neither. Virginia Woolf, in her dives and climbs, said it all, "How far do our feelings take their colour from the dive underground? I meant, what is the reality of any feeling?"
AN UNQUIET MIND Kay Redfield Jamison, 1st edition NY: A. A. Knopf, 1995.
Now, for a slightly more proper definition:
Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression - Bipolar Disorder is characterized by mood swings. There are several varieties of the illness, with a continuum of symptoms that range from the moodiness of cyclothymia to the affective storms of Bipolar Disorder type I, the classic "Manic Depression" whose extremes are still sometimes misdiagnosed as schizophrenia. Bipolar Disorder is believed to be caused by imbalances of neurotransmitters in the brain. It is treated with lithium and other mood stabilizers as well as with antidepressants and/or anticonvulsants. SSRIs, which affect neurotransmitter levels in the brain, are also effective.(Definition taken from The Bipolar Planet)
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THE BIPOLAR PLANET
MENTAL HEALTH NET - ALL ABOUT BIPOLAR DISORDER
MAD CAP MANIA
NATIONAL DEPRESSIVE-MANIC DEPRESSIVE ASSOCIATION
ALLIANCE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL
BIPOLAR DISORDER
BIPOLAR DISORDER: A DIGEST
FACTS FOR FAMILIES
A MANIC DEPRESSION PRIMER
MOODSWING DISORDER
PENDULUM RESOURCES
THE WINDS OF CHANGE
WRITES, RANTS, POETRY AND DELUSIONS OF A BIPOLAR MIND
JOY'S FAMOUS PEOPLE FILE
RIDING THE CYCLONE
MENTAL HEALTH GLOSSARY OF TERMS">
BIPOLAR POETRY
DR. BOBS PSYCHOPHARMACOLOGY TIPS
INTERNET MENTAL HEALTH
CHECK BACK, I'LL BE UPDATING THE BIPOLAR LINKS REGULARLY.
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