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The following is an audio documentary of answering machine messages left by my closest friends. Although they are a unique bunch, I'm sure you'll hear similarities between them and your circle of friends.

Ironically, my group calls me crazy, bizarre, and weird at the drop of a hat. Listen to a small sample of their messages and tell me who the real freak is.

This series follows a chronological order that begins in high school and extends roughly one year after college graduation. All names have been changed to protect the callers' identities.


Big news (1995)
Josh in a nutshell. This was the very first message I saved to tape. It's gold. 0:11

The car prank parts I and II (1997)
Our friend Charmaine left a traffic cone on Dotto's truck as a silly prank. In return, me and Dotto left 20 stacks of newspapers on her car. A perfect introduction to Dotto. 1:20
Dotto's priceless account of our prank's unforseen consequences. 4:56

Josh and Robin (1998)
Josh paged Robin from my house. When she returned his call, the answering machine recorded the entire conversation. I later used part of it as a greeting. 2:31

Dotto run-on (1998)
Dotto on guitars, Ed, and other random nonsense. Pete checks in at the end. WFMU was playing some prime beats at the time I recorded this to tape, so I mixed it. 2:55

Ed (1999)
Ed before the Great Betrayal. He was a decent rollerhockey goalie. 0:25

Grand Saloon parts I and II (1999)
Rob makes an appeal to the anti-social retard in me. 0:40
Dotto live and intoxicated at the Grand Saloon. "Hey bitch, we're coming over!" 0:37

Dude  (2000)
Jeff gets a new toy. 0:20

Monday Nite Raw parts I and II (2000)
Josh challenges my computer repair skills, then completely wigs out like a goat on crack. 0:37

Visual C++ parts I and II (2001)
Nothing at all suspicious about this. 0:26

Cocksucker (2001)
Stephanie in a nutshell. 0:26

Spencer  Tunick (2001)
Dotto recollects our time on the Williamsburg Bridge. 1:10

Hey stupid (2001)
Josh, as vague and obnoxious as ever. 0:15

I bought a handgun (2001)
Dotto raves about his new toy. Arguably the most frightening message of the bunch. 2:07

I bought a Harley (2001)
Jeff gets another new toy. 0:32

Windows 95 CD (2001)
Fwaaant, it's Cathy. 0:33

You borrowed (2001)
This is my favorite type of messages-- the "Bri, I really need my stuff back" message. Here, Stephanie does her best librarian impression. I wish I saved more of these kinds of messages. 0:19

Rob goes spastic parts I and II (2001)
Typically low-key Rob bounds off the deep end. Note his manic excitement over the cartoon Invader Zim. 0:44

The  great betrayal (2001)
Ed dicks Dotto over in a bad, bad way. 1:41

Birthday parts I and II (2001)
As per tradition, Josh covers The Ramones version of Happy Birthday. 0:25

From India with love (2001)
Dotto again, shows his appreciation for the far left end of the radio dial. 0:30

Operation Flashpoint parts I, II, III, IV, and V (2001)
Josh brags with raw obsession about a pirated copy of a new video game. 1:37

I hope you enjoyed some hearty laughs at the expense of my friends. I love them all very much (except for Stephanie, Robin, Cathy, and Ed). I encourage you to make an answering machine tape of your own. It's fun, easy, and it's alot like a photo album.

For more programming like this, tune in to WFMU or visit

©1978 Plaskon

After the Tone