Famous (and not so famous) words

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off and also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow." ~ Anonymous

"When life hands you lemons, shove them up life's ass." ~ Kim

"I'm 2/3 of a rice krispie, I've snapped, crackled and I'm going to pop." ~ Me

"You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny." ~ Mrs. Aronson's bumper sticker

"Is it hot in here or am I sweating?" ~ Brak

"Remember, if your nose starts bleeding, it means you've been picking it too much...or not enough." ~ "Chief Wiggums" on The Simpsons

"Constipated people don't give a shit." ~ Anonymous

"There are 3 kinds of people in this world, the ones who can count and the ones who can't." ~ Anonymous

"Take a really big bird, fill it up with pretzles, and BAM! no more llamas." ~ "Pinky's Dad" on Pinky and the Brain

"For all I care, everyone can wear clown pants!" ~ Brain

"...And now we are going to visit the original home of homeless people..." ~ Dr. Farber

"Bako-Bako doesn't smoke, you shouldn't either!" ~ my Health magnet

"I grow tedious of these oyster crackers." ~ Maggie

"I grow weary of this onion dip." ~ Maggie

"She who lives in a glass house gets dressed in the basement." ~ Delia's catalogue

"Do you dream in color or black and white? Cause I dream in black and white. One time I had a dream about lime jello but I didn't know it was lime jello til I tasted it." ~ Eddie Murphy on SNL

"The early bird drinks too much coffee." ~ Delia's catalogue

"For every minute of anger, you lose 60 seconds of happiness." ~ Delia's catalogue

"A dream is the fulfillment of a wish." ~ Delia's catalogue

"I couldn't help but notice how the moonlight reflects off of your sticky, gelatinous tongue." ~ Budweiser commercial

"Girls have to mature and give up their toys. While boys stay immature for all their life and play with toys until they're 50." ~ Unhappily Ever After

"Herbal Essesences: a totally orgasmic experience." ~ Caty

"What is that bewitching scent you're wearing?" "Vicks Vapor Rub." ~ Bill Murray and Gilda Radner on SNL

"You've got a pixi stick for a dick and an ass for a brain." ~ Dead Man on Campus

"The people who had fun in high school now work in bowling alleys and on weekends, drink paint thinner." ~ Dead Man on Campus

"I've always loved U...nited Airlines." ~ "Elaine" on Seinfeld

"Everything's better with pudding snacks." ~ Pinky

"Old Macdonald had a farm and look what happened to him. Now he's a clown." ~ Pinky

"Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." ~ "Ferris Bueller" from Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Kids in the backseat cause accidents, but accidents in the backseat cause kids." ~ Anonymous

"Mr. Johnson is not a twinkie." ~ Caty

"Cameron's house is like a museum. Very cold, very beautiful, and you can't touch anything." ~ "Ferris Bueller" from Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Wanna get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait." ~ a keychain

"She scored with a stick!" ~ Jenna

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Don't give me piss and tell me it's perfume!" ~ Cheri Oteri as "Judge Judy" on SNL

"Snow is just angel piss that has been crystalized." ~ Mad Magazine

"Sucess is like jello, there's always room for more." ~ my Guidance lesson worksheet

"Maybe ‘bah’ means ‘love.’ I bah you Mr. Peepers!" ~ Claire Danes on SNL

"Chess: the game of strategy, thinking, and bubbles." ~ "Chess for Girls" commercial on SNL

"Danny, I was taking a shower this morning and I was thinking about you." ~ Mrs. Coyle to Dan S. during 1st period Math class

"Their weak noodles are perfectly distracted." ~ Ben Franklin

"He was a cocky, arrogant son of a b-- gun." ~ Mrs. Aronson during 5th period Social Studies class

"This is the 90's. You can't just dump a boyfriend, you have to recycle him." ~ Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

"Like it says on my refridgerator magnet: 'Love is dot dot dot.'" ~ "Pinky" on Pinky and the Brain

"He killed himself to death." ~ Josh

"I've made my decision. I want you to supersize my balls." ~ She's All That

"Let's clean up the lakes so that the whales can live!" ~ Gweynth Paltrow as "Sky" on SNL

"It would be bad for the whales if they were extincted." ~ Gweynth Paltrow as "Sky" on SNL

"Do they make canned vegetables specifically for the homeless or do humans eat them too?" ~ Unhappily Ever After

"Just enjoy the Ozzy and keep your mouth shut." ~ SNL

"When you're hot, you're hot. When you're not, you're Ed Koch." ~ Cheri Oteri as "Judge Judy" on SNL

"The gays are coming. Soon you won't be able to pick your nose without finding a gay up there." ~ SNL

"Life's a beach, and then you die." ~ Mrs. Aronson

"They weren't just bear calories! They were my parents!" ~ SNL

"Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent persperation." ~ Albert Einstein

"Maybe I'll change my look, or cut class. And I'm going to eat this banana right now. Lunch time be damned." ~ "Willow" on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have your lower torso shoved into a meat grinder whil your poor, dying heart sits in front of your bloodshot, horrified eyes in a pool of your own blood, beating its final beats. That always sucks." ~ Nitin

"I'll take a pig to the butcher if I want to eat bologna." ~ Cheri Oteri as "Judge Judy" on SNL

"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." ~ Judge Judy

"Vomiting, yes...very sexy." ~ Horatio Sanz on SNL

"I'm so mad, I make little race cars out of my poop." ~ Steve Buscemi as "The Mad Hatter" on SNL

"I'm a mawg. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend." ~ John Candy as "Barf" in Spaceballs

"I didn't get along well with my housemates. They said I hogged the bathroom with my creams and ointments." ~ Darrell Hammond as "Jack Perkins" on SNL

"The imperious Emporium of Evil. Formally the Foot Locker." ~ Chris Kattan as "Asrael Abyss" on SNL

"It's my Virgin Alarm. It's designed to go off before you do." ~ Joan Rivers as "Dot Matrix" in Spaceballs

"The devil's virtue is in his loins." ~ The Devil's Advocate

"Am I supposed to believe that the son of the creator of all men drives a '73 Mustang with a broken tailight?" ~ Will Ferrell on SNL

"Nothing can be made foolproof because fools are so ingenious." ~ Maggie

"You know, love is a happy time. All throughout the universe. It's when a male part of the species goes to a female part of the species and says, 'Hey, you wanna go on a date?' and then she says, 'Why, yes, I'd like to go on a date.' If you're lucky and you go to a restaurant, and she orders something called a salad and he orders a big piece of beef, that he eats. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is love." ~ Brak

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"I have made good judgments in the Past. I have made good judgments in the Future." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." ~ Vice President Dan Quayle

"You've got lights, you've got cameras. Bitchin' technology!" ~ Jimmy Fallon as "Nicholas Cage" on SNL

"Your answer was 'Buck.' I guess that was your wager. So your answer was 'Futter.' I don't get it." ~ Will Ferrell as "Alex Trebek" on SNL

"In her, I put my thing and make a little me." ~ Chris Kattan as "Antonio Banderas" on SNL

"Her lips are like 2 Twizzlers covered in penis butter. I meant peanut butter. No I didn't." ~ Chris Kattan as "Antonio Banderas" on SNL

"Sugarbreath and I wear terry cloth. It's very comfortable and beautiful. And if someone throws a drink at you, it will absorb it right away." ~ Tim Meadows on SNL

"You wouldn't know true beauty if it came and gave you Hepatitis C in the parking lot, which it will on 10 minutes." ~ Will Ferrell as "Terrence Maddocks" on SNL

"Chet is more excited than Dennis Rodman in a Clinique store." ~ Tim Meadows on SNL

"And he celebrates, like a slave who made it North." ~ Ray Romano on SNL

"Like a fat girl waving a trophy from winning a smell contest." ~ Ray Romano on SNL

"That's what life's about: loving and giving and tickling and sucking." ~ Ray Romano on SNL

"You have the heart...of a tampon." ~ Chris Kattan on SNL

"You're not my boss anymore cause you eat poo!" ~ Will Ferrell on SNL

"Monkeys are balls of furry clay." ~ Anonymous

"Remember, you hold in your hands our nation's most precious resource, the school bus." ~ "Principal Skinner" on the Simpsons

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things." ~ Ben G.

"It turns out I was in Hell, and the only channels we get are Vh1 and Showtime." ~ Darrell Hammond as "Alfred Hitchcock" on SNL

"Nacho likes to eat pieces of raw hamburger meat from my mouth." ~ Vince Vaughn as "William Alexander" on SNL

"I hate my mother cause she's bossy and I hate little Japanese-America girls who can't speak English and have identity problems." ~ Molly Shannon on SNL

"You're playing with the big boys now. This is not NASA. This is Delco Cat Toys. We clean our own asses." ~ Will Ferrell on SNL

"I tripped over a kiss and fell in love." ~ Mindy

"I had a dream last night that I was eating a 10 pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone." ~ Anonymous

"Those crawdads tasted funny. Does this month have an 'r' in it?" ~ "Brain" from Pinky and the Brain

"I don't talk trash, I recycle." ~ Josh Jackson as "Pacey" on Dawson's Creek

"You lift one finger against me and you're going to have to answer to MOO." ~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"A good man is so hard to find. Well, actually, a hard man is so good to find." ~ TLC

"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump in after them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them when they fell." ~ Anonymous

"You do your thing and I do my thing. I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not here to live up to mine. You are you and I am I. And if by chance we find each other, it'll be beautiful. If not, it can't be helped." ~ Anonymous

"If my thoughts of you were turned to stars, God would have to make another universe, just for you." ~ J. Fritts

"Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late." ~ Kurt Comish

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if not, hunt them down and kill them." ~ Caty

"It’s all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back." ~ Mick Jagger

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~ Mother Teresa

"Enjoy yourself. These are the good old days you’re going to miss in the years ahead." ~ Anonymous

"There are always two choices, two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy." ~ Anonymous

"To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." ~ Ghandi

"Shared joy is double joy. Shared sorrow is half sorrow." ~ Swedish proverb

"Love is not what we become, but what we already are." ~ Stephen Levine

"The older you become, the better you get...unless you’re a banana." ~ Anonymous

"The worst prison would be a closed heart." ~ Anonymous

"Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream world into reality." ~ Anonymous

"Love dictates, but a kiss writes the secrets of the heart." ~ Anonymous

"Kisses that are easily obtained are easily forgotten." ~ Anonymous

"And love is loveliest when embalmed in tears." ~ Anonymous

"I was wrong to love you. Now I will never be free. You will always be a part of me." ~ Anonymous

"It takes a minute to like someone. It takes an hour to love someone. It takes an eternity to forget someone." ~ Anonymous

"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." ~ Anonymous

"I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay." ~ Anonymous

"The love I give you is second hand - I feel it first" ~ Anonymous

"You know it's love when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." ~ Anonymous

"Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too." ~ Anonymous

"It's what you do unthinking, that makes the quick tear start, the tear may be forgotten, but the hurt stays in the heart." ~ Anonymous

"An angel of the Heavens, I've found before my very eyes. A picture of perfection, in my heart is where he lies." ~ Linh Le

"But the eyes are blind, one must see with the heart." ~ Anonymous

"I'd rather be a fool with a broken heart, than be someone who never had a part of you." ~ Anonymous

"To meet, to know, to love -- and then to part, is the sad tale of many a human heart." ~ Anonymous

"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind...love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." ~ Anonymous

"The heart has its reason which reason does not know." ~ Anonymous

"Heavy the sorrow that bows the head when love is alive and hope is dead." ~ Anonymous

"I wanted to write you a letter, my love, a letter that would never tell of this desire to see you, of this fear of losing you." ~ Anonymous

"If, out of time, I could pick one moment and keep it shining, always new, of all the days that I have lived, I'd pick the moment I met you." ~ Anonymous

"Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I like to watch the power lights." ~ Election

"You're beautiful. I can touch your eyeballs and you don't even blink." ~ Sarah Michelle Gellar on SNL

"The rainforest? That sounds wet!" ~ Tracy Morgan as "Brian Fellow" on SNL

"If you could buy any drink for your favorite hottie, which would it be and why?" "I'd get Mountain Dew for James Van der Beek because I want him to do me." "I'd have Dr. Pepper for Scott Speedman because I want him to examine me." "I'd pick Drano for Neil Patrick Harris so we can drink it together and live in Heaven forever." ~ Sarah Michelle Gellar, Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, and Ana Gasteyer on SNL

"Gravity is not to blame for falling in love." ~ Anonymous

"Get thee down. Be thou funky." ~ Ben G.

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder." ~ Ben G.

"My kid can beat up your Honor Student!" ~ Bumper Sticker

"I saw a computer company commercial today. It was with people holding a sign saying 'I am.' I guess they forgot to add 'an idiot.'" ~ Unhappily Ever After

"How do you spell intelligent?" ~ Hilary, while writing an acrostic poem about herself

"I want someone who wants me but doesn't need me. Someone who really, really wants me, but doesn't need me. I mean, desire is about what you want, not what you need." ~ Commercial for Contradiction for men by Calvin Klein

"It is okay to kiss a fool, it is okay to let a fool kiss you, but never ever let a kiss fool you." ~ Anonymous

"Sometimes in a relationship, going through hell isn't so bad if you come out of it a little stronger. I guess the same is true about friends." ~ "Sally" on Felicity

"The key is to trust people to be who they are. Instead we trust who we want them to be, and when they aren't, we cry." ~ David Duchovny

"And always remember this: never say I love you, if you don't really care - never talk about feelings if they aren't really there - never touch a life if you mean to break a heart - never say you're going to if you don't plan to start - never look me in the eye if all you do is lie - never say hello if you really mean goodbye." ~ Anonymous

"Crying is for babies and men who have just lost an arm." ~ Gianni

"Loves a sensation caused by temptation, a guy sticks his location in a girls destination, to increase the population, of the next generation, do you understand my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration?" ~ Anoymous

"If I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart." ~ Mulan

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