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HUMOR DIRECTED TOWARDS THE NEVER ENDING BATTLE OF THE SEXES


SHE/HE DEFINITIONS
-Wants & Needs (wontz and nedz) n.
Female- The delicate balance of emotional, physical, and psycological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship
Male- Food, sex, and beer.

-Thingy (thing-ee) n.
Female- Any part on the hood of a car.
Male- the strap fastener on a women's bra

-Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n.
Female- A woman who makes love to other women.
Male- A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

-Glass ceiling- (glas see-ling) n.
Female- The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business
Male- What would be really nice at work since that hot babe took over the office one enter flight up

-Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female- Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male- Playing baseball without a cup

-Butt (but) n.
Female- The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger"
Male- The organ of mooning and farting.

-Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female- A desire to get married and raise a family
Male- Trying not to pick up other women while one's out with his girlfriend

-Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n.
Female- An embarrassing byproduct of disgestion.
Male- An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding

-Making Love (may-king luv) v.
Female- The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve
Male- What men have to call sex in order to get a women to have sex

-Remote Control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female- A device to change television channels
Male- A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 90 seconds.

-Taste (tayst) v.
Female- Something you do frequently to whatever your cooking
Male- Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.




WAYS TO REJECT PICK-UP LINES
1. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

2. Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants!"
Woman: "No thanks, there's already one asshole in there."

3. Man: "Want to Dance?"
Woman: "No thanks."
Man: Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you!"

4. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's you number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name!"
Woman:"It's in the phone book too."

5. Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "Female impersonator"

6. Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

7. "Sorry, I don't date outside my species!"

8. Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason!"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"



WHAT GIRLS SAY...AND WHAT THEY MEAN
1. Can't we just be friends?...There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of my body again.
2. I just need some space...without you in it
3. Do I look fat in this dress...we haven't had fight in a while
4. No, pizza's fine...Cheap bastard
5. I don't know, what do you want to do...I can't believe you have nothing planned
6. Come here...My puppy responds to this too
7. I like you but... I don't like you
8. We're moving to quickly...I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy I met has a girlfriend
9. I'll be ready in a minute...I AM ready, but I am going ot make you wait because I know you will
10. Oh, no, I will pay for myself...I'm just being nice, you know you better pay for me.
11. Oh Yes! Right there...Well, near there; I just want to get this over with
12. There's no one else...I'm doing your brother
13. Size doesn't count...and that's lucky for you stumpy!

WHAT GUYS SAY...AND WHAT THEY MEAN
1. It is just orange juice, try it...3 more shots and she'll have her legs around my head!
2. She's kind of cute...I want to bang her until I'm blue
3. I don't know if I really like her...she won't give it up
4. I need you...my hand is tired
5. I had her...in a dream the other night
6. I really want to get to know you...so we can do everything I told my friends we already did
7. You're the only girl who ever cared about me...You the only girl who never rejected me
8. I want you back...for tonight at least
9. We've been through so much...If it wasn't for you, I never would have lost my viginity
10. I miss you so much...I am so horny that my roomate is starting to look good
11. I am different from all of the other guys...I am not circumcised
12. You the only girl for me...come on, the rest of them fell for this one
13. Me and her, we're just friends...real intimate friends.


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