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Things That Piss Me Off



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Ok, if you can't classify yourself as anyone in the list above, then I guess you can read this. As you probably have seen, I have determined a way to make the world a better place by cutting down on people who are allowed to have children. First on my list was geared towards extreme animal rights activists. There is absolutely no good reason for you people to act the way you do. If your mother was diagnosed with heart disease, and the only way to save her was to replace her heart with that of a monkey, you'd do it in a minute. I'm tired if hearing you complain that we shouldn't use bunnies, mice and rats to test cosmetic products. Bullshit, I'd rather see a rabbit with blue fur, bright yellow lips, and an orange tail, than a good looking woman with pitted skin, no lips, and ingrown toenails.....

Next comes driver example A: I was driving home from a friend's house one day, when I passed a Mercedes that had just backed out of a driveway. The driver of the car evidently became upset with my driving tactics, and proceeded to follow me for 3 miles to my house. While the bitch was following me, she swerved her car a total of 6 times, ran 2 yellow lights, and was tailgating me for most of the ride. When I pulled up my street, she seemed a little unsure, but in the end wound up tearing up the block after me. This stupid whore pulled up next to me, rolled down her window, and proceeded to tell me how I'm an asshole, and I almost killed the little boy in the back of her car. I shrugged it off, apologized for not doing anything, and then began to follow her. I was behind this bitch for less than 2 minutes, and she almost killed her kid twice. She pulled out into the middle of oncoming traffic, and was almost sideswiped by a pickup truck, and then when she finally made the turn, she ran a red light, and almost got hit again. If that isn't a person who needs her tubes tied, I don't know what is.....

My third topic deals mainly with kids between the ages of 16 and whatever age the move out of their parents house. I am tired of hearing about your asshole parents, and how they don't care or love you. Most of you stupid bastards probably live for free, and deliver pizza and have never paid a dime in your life for anything expensive. (Cars, college, clothes, TV, insurance...) In the town I live in, when I was in High school, I knew of at least 100 people who were making their parents pay for their cars (brand new), insurance, and gas. Shit like that makes me wanna vomit. I could go on for weeks on this topic, but I’ll end it now, to save your energy.....

People with college degrees, and no common sense are around too much in today's society. You all know who I mean, the person who is a master at computer applications, but has to call a technician to figure out that his computer isn't on. To make it a little more simplistic, a person who fumbles around in the dark to find something on the floor, rather than turn on the lights.....

This is for all of the Ex-jocks that insist on talking about their glory days on the high school football field. I don't know if you realize this, but you're starting to sound like Al Bundy. No one cares that you were captain of the football team in high school, you have entered the real world. I know it upsets you that you have no excuse to shower in front of a room full of boys slapping eachother in the ass anymore, but you have to move on. If you still have that urge, you need to seek professional Help.....

I love people who speak badly broken English. The reason why I find them so funny is because I like to imitate them. Among my favorites are the Polish, Japanese, and Mexicans. If you live in NJ, take a ride to the R&S Strauss auto parts store in Rutherford, you'll meet quite a few key Polish people, and then you'll understand me. If there are no polish customers in the store, ask an employee to tell you a story, tell them I sent you.....

I don't know how else to say it, so I'll say what I feel. People who always have to blame stuff on everyone around them give me gas. I work with computers, so I see this kind of shit every day. If anyone can explain to me how a person can erase ALL of the information stored on their computer, and then blame me for not having a way to recover it for them, I'll put your picture on the front of my webpage.....

Cops are a completely different situation. Maybe it's just because the high ranking officials in my town all remind me of Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons, but I just don't understand them. I was pulled over one time for doing 34mph in a 25mph zone, downhill. As the cop was pulling me over, I noticed that the people 2 cars in front of me were smokin a blunt, and laughing at me (Ironic). Another time, I was coming back from a friend's wake (RIP Duff) when I got stopped, and was issued a $43 ticket for having a decorative license plate on the front of my car. But I guess there's nothing I could do about it so I'll shut up on this topic.....

White trash makes the world go 'round. If we didn't have white trash, there wouldn't be such great entertainment. Daytime talk show hosts have made millions off of people like this for years. I can't figure out why none of these dumb hicks has realized that there is a strong market for white trash in TV, and they can make loot for themselves. Look at the success of shows like Roseanne. That show explored the outer region of White trash in Chicago, and people loved it. White trash is always the life of the party in any local setting.(diners and bars are always key)How many times have you been out, and you see some guy decked out in flannel, with a mullet, and a pack of Marlboro reds rolled up inside the sleeve of his Budweiser shirt; you point him out to all of your friends, and he becomes the center of attention until your food arrives.....

I love women, without good women, this world would be at war 24/7-365. However, this paragraph is dedicated to all the dumb ho's out there. When your man breaks up with you, and says that he wants nothing more to do with you, GO AWAY. Don't key/egg his car, threaten girls he talks to, or try and get people to jump him. Chances are you messed up if you got dumped, so learn from your mistakes, and move on. Oh yea, and sleeping with his friends really might win him back, stupid... There are plenty of great women out there who will be offended by this, but like I said before, this only refers to chickenheads and silly ho's.There are rules to finding the perfect woman, and here are a few:

  • 1) Try to find one with as few physical defects as possible, that way no one can talk shit...
  • 2) She's gotta be able to understand your friends, as soon as she says she doesn't like your friends, run, because it's all down hill from there...
  • 3) Don't let her see your beeper or answer your phone. I don't care how faithful you are, it's a well known fact, that at some point another female will call you for something, and when she does, your girlfriend will answer and blow it all out of proportion...
  • 4) Don't marry the first girl you got intimate with, at least not immediately. Try all the food at the buffet, you may see something else you like. If there's nothing else out there you like, you can always go back to what you had first. 16-25 is a good time to do this, you've finally got good experience; don't let it go to waste...
  • 5) Finally, never trust a GIRL (not woman)completely, because as soon as you do, it is guaranteed that the bitch is gonna play the field. You have to always keep her in check, but do it carefully. If she catches on, she'll screw you over twice as bad, remember that.....
  • Please stop smoking at the table. There's nothing that makes me sicker than when a person lights a cigarette while I am still eating. Don't you realize that cigarette smoke smells horrible.....

    !!!ATTENTION ANYONE LOOKING TO BUY ANYTHING RELATED TO ELECTRONIC TECHNOLOGY!!! DO NOT BUY ANYTHING FROM 6TH AVE. ELECTRONICS. I have had a CD changer that has been in repair since August 1998. Finally, in January of 1999, they told me that it could not be repaired, and that they would give me a new one. I have now been waiting for 2 weeks for the new one. I was told that it would arrive on 1/7/99, and it is now 1/12/99, and they don't even have a clue when it is supposed to come in. So please think twice before you buy anything from these people..... UPDATE: I finally got my replacement cd changer, and the piece of shit skips worse than a heroin addict at a rehab meeting. I just can't win I tell ya...

    I'm not even going to waste my breath talking about people who can't be themselves. Like Team Fatty says, "Grow your own identity!"

    I absolutely can not tolerate people that think they are important. From dickheads in high school to CEO of Microsoft, no one is better than anyone else. People that interrupt others because they think they're more important are gonna have to start recognizing that they ain't shit. At work the other day, I was busy trying to do 25 things at once, and some sushi eating black toothed Japanese executive barreled into my office and started giving out orders, like he was the only person there. I wanted to get Godzilla on this bastard, and crush his ego, but I definately would have been fired. I wound up (against my will) having to go help Ho Chi Minh, because my supervisor has his lips suctioned to every executive ass in the company. That dumb Indian pisses me off too, but I'll have to get into that another time. The same thing happens every day to me and this guy Chris that I work with, these exec's all suck. I guess what I'm saying in this paragraph is that action needs to be taken. I refuse to be treated like some lackey by assholes wearing arm suspenders, pompous Indian assholes that think they're of a higher class than me, and ball lickers that live and work in America as highly paid executives, and they can't even speak English. All of you people are being warned to stay away from me; if you don't I will not take responsibility if you get launched through a window.

    Eat A Dick!!

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