(8/28 MEZZO) Mezzo, wringing her hands, takes a big breath and knocks on Roms basement office door. Knock, knock ROM: Come in. Mezzo enters cautiously. ROM: Oh, it's you. What do you want? I'm busy working on that FREAKIN' 3 Bible verse you nitpicked . . .I mean, what the FREAK is that all about? MEZZO: Look, I know we don't get along. I know you find my nitpicking trite and unfounded. I know I'm the last person you want to see in your office. But, there's something we gotta do. . . ROM: WE don't gotta do nothin'. MEZZO: Yes. We do. We have to, um, rescue Reds and Chels from the mother ship. And we don't have much time. I got an anonymous tip yesterday that they're in extreme danger. I hear that they have them suspended in a frozen goo virtual reality chamber. They think they're eating cheese, oreos and pastry strudels while watchin' XF when really they're just sitting there--suspended in the goo, naked and strapped to a VR chamber. They're gonna die of starvation if we don't get there quickly. ROM: Why do you need my help? MEZZO: Well, the gas tanks in the snow cat are kinda heavy and I thought you could help out. Besides which, my source says we have to work together to save them. Chels is my right-hand, Rom is yours--but they're stuck in that thing together and its up to us to get them out. Rom remains skeptical. ROM: How do I know that you won't leave me out there alone, that you won't take the gas tanks and the snow-cat and leave me out there, without any gloves or anything. .. Mezzo knows what to do to convince Rom. She apprehensively reaches in her case and hands Rom a case of Double Stuffs. . .her hands shaking . ..she hands over the prized goods as a sign of her dedication to the mission. MEZZO: Here. Take it. It's yours. ROM: Oh, my. . Oh. Thank you. I know that must have been hard for you. .. I didn't think you were serious. I thought it was a ploy. . .I can see now how much this means to you. MEZZO: I knew it was the only way you'd take me for my word. Please, there isn't much time. ROM: OK. Let's go. I'll get 1N5 to charter a plane for us. MEZZO: Can we stop at the gore-tex store on the way. . .I gotta get some stuff. ROM: Yeah, ok.. .maybe they have some of that elastic stuff so my clothes will miraculously fit Chels. Ya think? MEZZO: At this point, anything's possible. They walk off on a mission to save Chels and Reds . . . (1N5) (Rom and Mezzo are bumping along in a snow cat across the icy landscape. Rom breathes out shakily as Mezzo drives, looking around. Mezzo pulls the snow cat to a stop.) MEZZO: These are the coordinates I was given. They should be around here somewhere. (Rom nods, not saying anything but stepping forward a few steps. After a moment, Mezzo moves up next to him... the ice that they're standing on collapses, and they shoot downwards, sliding through tunnels of ice and snow. When they finally come to a stop, they look at eachother dazedly.) ROM(gruffly): You okay? MEZZO(nodding): Yeah... you? ROM: I'm fine. Now, let's get to work. (They look around, seeing a huge open area with various strange, mysterious parts. Through Mezzo's binoculars, she can see two cryopods side by side on the level below her. She can see a trace of Oreo crumbs and sunflower seeds on them.) MEZZO: Rom. Take a look at this. (She hands him the binocs.) ROM: What do you make of it? MEZZO: Someone made a mistake! I can't imagine anyone leaving something so obvious out in the open like that... there's an error there, plain and simple. ROM: What are you talking about? There's a simple explanation for it. There always is. (Both Mezzo and Rom are getting tense with eachother. Rom takes a deep breath.) We need a truce now, okay? As soon as we get Reds and Chels out of here, I'll be more than glad to 'splain exactly why those pods are out there. For now, let's get down there and save them. (Mezzo nods, and the two go through a set of daring escapades, making their way near the pods. They head down a dark corridor, with rows of people floating in tanks. Finally...) MEZZO(quietly): Over here. (Reds and Chels are floating in the tanks of goo, seemingly unconscious. Rom gasps at the sight. Then he and Mezzo find sturdy metal objects to break the tanks. Eventually, they break through, and the goo drains. They lie the two, dressed in body suits, on the ground. But they don't wake up.) ROM(to Chels, trying to resuscitate her): C'mon. You can make it. Breathe. Wake up! (Mezzo is doing and saying similar things to Reds. There is no response. Rom and Mezzo look at eachother in anguish. Just then, a shadowy figure walks into the corridor. The face is hidden, but cigarette smoke can be seen.) MEZZO(angrily): What did you do to them? (No response.) ROM(furious): Listen, if you're hiding anything, I swear, I will do anything, whatever it takes, I will find out what they did to them. (The two become increasingly angry, but the figure is stoic. They pull out guns and point them at the figure. Finally, it speaks.) ????: I don't have to be psychic to know you're in a very dark place, much darker then where Reds and Chelsey are right now. Willingly plunging deeper into darkness cannot help them at all... MEZZO: What's going on? We need to save our friends. Enough with the harmonic convergence crap, alright? ????: Why is it so much easier for you two to run around fighting eachother than to express to Reds and Chels why you feel the way you do, why you choose to nitpick and to 'splain? They're deciding whether to stay here or move on. For them to be free, they need to decide where they stand in the never-ending battle between nitpicking and 'splaining. (The figure starts to walk down the corridor, tossing a carton upon the floor. It speaks one last time before it disappears.) ????: MezzoMania? Special Agent Romney? They need the strength of your beliefs. (Mezzo and Rom stare at eachother in awe. Rom slowly picks up the carton on the floor... "Virginia Slims". The two look down at their friends, gathering their thoughts...) (LYGIA) Scene starts in the cafeteria. Lygia, 1n5, Trustno-1, Maggie, and C-Sue are all sitting aroung talking over lunch. Suddenly, an ominous looking man in black clothes approaches. The group ignores him as simply a pointless extra. "You realize, that many people who watch movies actually feel that they are in the movie." The group continues to ignore him, but they begin to grow a bit uncomfortable. "It is identified as a rare form of delusion, but what do YOUR scientist and shrinks know? They know nothing of alternate timelines, and parallel dimensions." "What are you driving at?" Lygia ask, looking up from her coffee. "Just that even a President of these United States has visited an alternate dimension." "Hmm, I wonder which one that was?" C-Sue states to the group. They all ponder it for a moment and then shrug. "Are you not paying attention?" The MIB asks. "Are trying to tell us the stars of this motion picture have been sucked into the camera, and are now in an alternate reality?" Lygia asks incredulously. "Prove it." Maggie demands as the rest of the group stands up as a challenge. "No, you have to find the answers yourselves." With that, the mysterious stranger disappears into a blinding flash of light. "Hey guys, did anyone notice what time it was when he disappeared?" Lygia asks. "One-o-four by the wall clock." Trustno-1 answers. "Its now 1:13. We lost 9 minutes." The group starts dancing around. "Wait a minute, should we spray paint the spot with a red x?" Lygia asks. "Nah, what can we do, we're just the costars" C-Sue answers. "If this is true," yells 1n5,"we have to save the others! To the snowcat and don't forget the gas!" Panicked, the group runs out of the doors and down the street to the soundstage. (9/08 ROM) ANTARCTICA--12:45pm (Rom and Mezzo are sitting on some rocks which are jutting out of the snow. They are eating lunch, sittin' back relaxing and enjoying their food. Rom is quietly munching on his turkey sandwich, while Mezzo is looking off into the distance, sipping on some hot, chocolate milk. It's peacefully quiet, and although neither one of them are talking, the atmosphere is quite amicable. After several minutes, Rom finally speaks.) (Rom, still munching on his sandwich.) ROM: ....Mezz, can ya' pass my Sprite please. (Mezzo grabs Rom's Sprite which was sitting in the snow, and hands it to Rom.) ROM: Thanks. (several more moments pass with neither of them speaking to one another...) MEZZO (sincerely): ...So....are we gonna' go rescue them? (Mezzo grabs an oreo from a large box marked "EMERGENCY RATIONS". She looks at Rom who seems to be contemplating while sippin' on his Sprite.) ROM: It sure is peaceful out here. (Mezzo reaches in the box for another cookie. Her 85th one since the day began.) MEZZO: Rom? Chels and Reds...are we gonna' go help them? (Rom is quiet, with a thoughtful look on his face, he reaches into his bag and pulls out some chocolate.) ROM: ...ummm....why don't we just let them marinate in that goo some more... MEZZO: But, Rom... (Rom cuts Mezzo off) ROM: Yeah...I think they could use a little more time in the goo. You know...it'll be good for their complexion. (Mezzo rolls her eyes and devours another cookie. Rom looks over at her and has this puzzled look on his face. Mezzo looks back at Rom, and he awkwardly tries to disguise the look with a cheesy, half-hearted smile.) MEZZO: Cookie? (Mezzo puts a cookie in Rom's face, offering it to him.) ROM (a bit sick): ..n..no...thanks... (Mezzo shrugs and pops the cookie in her mouth whole. A few moments pass, it's quiet...) MEZZO: You know...I heard about that 'lactose intolerant' comment a couple of weeks ago. (Rom, who was looking away from Mezzo, stiffens up, obviously startled by Mezzo's comment. Mezzo sits patiently staring at the back of Rom's hooded head.) ROM: Um...naw..that..that wasn't me that was someone else... (Mezzo just stares at Rom...Rom is becoming a little more flustered) ROM: Yehal..lekuali...um..uh... (Rom chokes off a forced laugh) ROM: CSue...it was CSue who said that.. (Mezzo looks doubtingly at Rom) MEZZO (sarcastically): CSue? ROM: No..actually it was..it was Reds! Yeah...I told him that was really mean, he ..he apologized. MEZZO: Reds? ROM: Did I say Reds, *forced laugh* actually, I meant to say..I meant to say that Karithisa said that... (Mezzo is still looking at Rom not believing a word he's saying) MEZZO: You mean Karisitha? ROM: YEAH! YEAH, Karisitha....that's..that's what I meant. I talked to her and (Mezzo cuts Rom off.) MEZZO (noticeably miffed): SHUDDUUUUUUP! (Mezzo back hands the chocolate bar Rom was munching on, knocking the bar into the snow.) MEZZO (forceful): Now you listen... you are going to get your arse out of the snow, and help me rescue Reds and Chels! Because if they die...because of what you don't want to do...in 5 seconds...NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STOP ME FROM BEING THE ONE THAT SETS THE TIMER AND BAKES YOU OUT OF THIS LIFE FOR GOOD YOU SORRY SACK OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!!!!!!! (Rom is already about 100 feet away, clumsily running and stumbling towards the site where Reds and Chels have been moved. Mezzo stands looking at her temporary partner with a slight look of amusement. She turns and looks out into the horizon one last time...a look of awe and respect comes over her face. She untwists an oreo cookie, pops one of the halves in her mouth, turns around and heads off after Rom to rescue Chels and Reds.) (9/09 REDS) Musings of a Nit-Picking Woman. (An abandoned building. Rats scurry along the floor as the door opens. One rat remains still until an oreo cookie crumb falls next to it, in front of a woman's high heels. The woman, the Nit-Picking Woman, steps on the cookie crumb and stares at the broken windows across the dark room. She sets down a briefcase on a table, pulls out a small leather case, and opens it. Inside the case is a velvet cloth with the words "Trust No One" embroidered on it. She removes an oreo from under the cloth, twists it in half, and pops half in her mouth. She flicks a switch on a switchboard next to the table and a few small red lights flick on and a humming sound is heard. She plugs a pair of headphones in, sits, adjusts her skirt, and begins listening.. Redlummai can be heard speaking in the headphones.) Reds: Look at you guys, you're shaking. Rom: One at a time guys, now what's going on? Karisitha: 1n5 is getting close.. 1n5: Don't use my name! What the hell's wrong with you? Now I'll have to take away your chocolate. Scotty: Karisitha and I performed 3 sweeps... 1n5: She's everywhere... She's everywhere... Scotty: .... with the NPW 700.. it did not detect a single bug.... 1n5: The NPW700 is a piece of crap! Rom: We've been here 20 minutes and still don't know what the hell is wrong! No-one would harm you 1n5, you're just a teddy bear. 1n5: I don't utter another syllable until the NPW25 counter-measure filter is activated. (Static and a warbling sound is heard.. NPW flips a switch marked NPW25 countermeasure filter.. and the sound returns.) Scotty: No electronic surveillance known can cut through the NPW25. (NPW smiles and eats another cookie.. she takes a tripod out of her briefcase...) Reds: Ok. Now tell us what you're so close to. 1n5: Not a "what." A "who." If you find the right starting point, and follow it, now even secrets of the darkest women are safe. (NPW locks the main part of a sniper-replica water rifle onto the tripod.) Rom: Oreo-woman? What did you find? 1n5: Possibly everything. Maybe her background. (NPW hooks a nozzle from a large tank marked "water and alum concentrate" onto the sniper-rifle and aims at a sign that reads: THE NITPICKING 'SPLAINERS: Publishers of 'The Magic Bullet' Magazine. The scope is bright green, the crosshairs centered on the sign.) 1n5: Who she is.. who she wants to be. (NPW sits back, uneasily, content to wait a bit and listen.) 1n5: August 20th, 1940, Mexico City. A secret agent assassinated a top ranking Keebler Elf with an icepick. Shortly thereafter, he entered the United States a thousand miles north, in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The man was an ardent anti-cookie activist. During the Keebler-Nabisco pact, he kept the Hostess chocolate goodies people informed about the Keebler and Nabisco plans to market fat free cookies after World War II. He was eventually executed under the Espionage in Baked Goods Act... sadly, before his daughter got her first tooth. (NPW looks down, taking another bite of cookie, her face hidden in shadows) 1n5: The mother, an avid cookie eater, suffered severe sugar overdoses for years. The daughter became a ward of the state, sent to various orphanages in the Midwest. Didn't make many friends as a child. Spent all her time watching tv and recording continuity errors in a journal... alone.. and then.. she appears to have just vanished. Until a year and a half after the X-Files premiered on Fox. (NPW shows no emotion) 1n5: Henry David Thoreau wrote: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Her life has been anything but quiet, yet I believe nothing but desperate. She's the most dangerous woman alive, not so much because she believes in her actions, but because she believes her actions are all which life allows her-- nitpicking from dawn till dusk. (NPW looks up, still showing no emotion.. a few tiny crumbs in the corner of her mouth.) 1n5: And yet.. the only person who can never escape her... is herself. (NPW turns a valve and fills the sniper-water-rifle with the alum and water mixture, and readies herself) 1n5: So far, this is based only on a story I read in one of my weekly subscriptions that rang a bell. I'm going to check out a few private hacker sources that can produce definitive proof, and then we'll have her nailed. (NPW pulls back on the trigger of the sniper-rifle-water gun ever so slightly.. a bead of tiny sweat on her forehead.. 1n5 is seen leaving the building across the street, looking around, and moving down the sidewalk. The crosshairs are directly on a chocolate bar in her hand) NPW: I can ruin your chocolate any time I please.... (slight chuckle).. (NPW squeezes the trigger slightly and a bit of the concoction dribbles out the front of the gun.. Then she releases the trigger and lowers the gun as 1n5 disappears around a corner) NPW: ... But not today.... (NPW starts to pack up her belongings again, content in her position of power over her enemies... )