Lord Saturn

Bio 1 written by Chris Porter

Hi, I'm Chris Porter, or, as WAW fans know me, Lord Saturn. I know what your thinking, why isn't he acting stupid and being silly. Because i'm not lord saturn right now. Lord Saturn is a complicated thing. More a condition than a person. Allow me to explain...
As a kid, i never had many friends, hence i felt the need to create imaginary friends. Also being shy as a kid, i let my imaginary friends push me around, so they eventually possessed me. My mind, body and spirit seemed to be controlled by an outside source. One of my imaginary friends, Lord Saturn was the first and most powerful to control me. He was an odd one, never made any sence and always got into fights. There were others, but no others that are relevant to this story. Now i can keep Lord Saturn repressed unless a match is coming up. Lord Saturn thrives on matches and takes over when he hears of them.
the following is written by me, when in Lord Saturn mode...
Bio written by Lord Saturn

Hello, my name is Lord Saturn, you can call me LoSat. That's what everyone calls me. Except for most plant life, which don't talk too much at all. But when they do talk, all they do is complain about their xylem and phloem and that their chloroplasts are itchy. That's when i take a chainsaw to them. I don't listen to such crap from any species who's phylum is of a lower class than my own.
But, on with my story, I was born on Saturn and shipped here in a box. The box was full of neat styrofoam peanuts. I ate them. After the box burned up in the atmosphere of the earth, taking all those delicious packing peanuts with them, i landed on earth, creating a large crack. Today it is known as the San Andreas Fault. I can take such impacts with a smile on my face, for saturnian skeletons are made of a saturnian element called portairium. It's 37 times stronger than earth diamonds.
My first encounter with a human was in 1877, i was 2388 blings old, that's saturnian for about 2 months old in earth standards. The mans name was bob. I threw him into the fault that i had recently created. after i did this, i wondered why i did it, and come to the conclusion that sometimes a man just has to get thrown into a fault. i then threw pigs in the fault. i rode one pig to the bottom yelling hoorah for dirty swine! hoorah! i then realized that i had to climb back up. the pig made me ride him, so that i would have to climb back up. damn deceptive swine. Once i climbed up, i got thirsty, so i went to find a nice glass of vapresium. unfortunately earth has a lack of vapresium and it's closest match is water. so, i searched for water. I saw a building that said "Water Company". So i asked them for water. they said "we dont sell water directly, we just install water pipes to houses." so i said "I'll give you a house... of death!" then i threw that person down the san andreas fault. the moral of the story is:
give me water.
~fin~

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