MANCH-VEGAS
Manch-Vegas NH
Manch-Vegas NH: AKA: Manchester, AKA: The Queen City, AKA: The city that always sleeps,
AKA: Where the cows go to die.
12 TIPS FOR GROWING UP IN MANCH-VEGAS
This is my message to all you wacky kids in Manchester. READ THIS. Live by it. Think of this list as a guidline
for growing up:
1. Don't cruise Elm Street. Don't drive up and down Elm Street pretending that you're not cruising elm street. And this is key: No
teenager has ever gotten laid because some girl in the car next to him thought he was cute. You look like a moron and driving mommy and daddy's
volvo is NOT a turn on for the opposite sex. It's sad.
2. If you find yourself hanging out at Bickfords or On the Run, you are not cool. I'm sorry it had to come out this way. I really am. But Jesus! Will you
look at this from a logical standpoint? I know that there is nothing else open, but don't dilude yourself. People don't go to Bickfords because of the fine dining,
they go there in hopes that they'll run into their friends. Now, if these kids were really your friends, you wouldn't need to go to Bickfords to see them would you?
3. Sorry. As far as "dating options" in Manch-Vegas are concerned: It's dinner and a movie, or bowling... at least until you discover sex. (and don't you dare fucking
pressure her because you're sexually frustrated) You can always skip out to Litchfield for Mini-Golf, Hampton Beach for a change of scene, or
Hooksett for decent theaters, but that's about it. Trust me, I've been there and back. But don't "just-chill" with her at your parents house, chances are, she hates that.
4. Central is better than Memorial, Memorial is better than West and West fucking blows. No I didn't go to Central, this is an unbiased opinion. Face facts Fonzy.
5. Um, it really doesn't matter which school has the better football team. Breathe in deeply, then let it go.
6. Please stop hanging out at the Mall. The mall isn't cool. If you have to do it, then see how many times the mall cops will actually ask you to leave before they
physically remove you. Fun. Fun. You trendy potheads.
7. Don't make fun of kids you think aren't as cool as you. Don't shout out of your car window at homeless people. Think about this: If you're cool, chances are
you don't get picked on, if you have a car, you probably have a home. Don't harass people who don't have things as good as you do. If you're not going to help them, leave them alone.
Don't you think they have it bad enough?
8. Stop complaing about Manchester. Stop complaing about your torchered life, and how you can't take the car out this weekened. Stop complaing about how your parents don't
appreciate you. Don't complain about school. Who cares if you don't have the money to buy into the latest corporate trends?
SOME PEOPLE DON'T HAVE LEGS!!!!
9. If you fuck up, apollagize. Be a MAN, or a WOMAN, repectively. And do you really think that the latest drugs will make you interesting? I'm always amazed at how you Manch-Vegas kids can
stand up straight without a spine.
10. Eat at Bob Nato's baby.
11. Don't go to class!!! Biggest mistake you'll ever make when growing up is assuming that high school will be of any importance to you. HERE'S A TRUENT TIP: If
you have a car and you're running late, get your mom to write you a note. That note will get you into school at any time. You can then spend your entire day relaxing and
having fun. Show up with twenty minutes to the final bell. Also, when you're getting a note from a teacher, hand her a pencil, if you hand it to her, she'll just write the note without
thinking. Then erase the time and date and use it accordingly.
12. Hey T2-Pac, you are not tough. You live in NH. Believe it or not, Manchester barely makes the cut for "city-status." Don't wear your Compton hat sideways, pull up
your pants, cut with the fucking Brooklyn accent. And don't pretend like your in a gang. You're only kidding yourself. I bet it feels really cool to be tough doesn't it?
Growing up on the mean streets of Manchester? Don't you wish you really were tough? You might as well be playing with Barbie Dolls, same thing, it's not real.
Yes I'm talking to you, stop hanging around outside of On the Run and go get a style.
As soon as I can think of something nice to say, it's gonna go
right here, yup right here.
New Hampshire State Motto: We have moments.
