A MESSAGE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND
You may never have a Princess like Nat Portman, so share this list with your girlfriend and try to bring her up to code.
This really has nothing to do with Nat, but damn she's fine.
10. Just randomly bring your boyfriend food. It doesn't take that much effort to call for some takeout pizza, calzones, wings or Chinese while he's studying. Why do guys always have to be the thoughtful ones?
9. A girlfriend should respect the relationship her man has with his friends. When around your boyfriend's pals, don't try to impress them. Be yourself. Don't
talk with his friends for an extended period of time, say hello and be cordial. Never flirt. Your man doesn't want you to be close with his friends,
he just wants to impress them with your body.
8. Stop bitching. Your life isn't as tragic as you think it is. Some people don't have legs.
7. Cut the word games. It's okay when your boyfriend says: "I love you." It's okay when your boyfriend doesn't say: "I love you."
If you are not dating exclusively, you are not his girlfriend. You are both a girl, and a woman, and your man can call you either. Closure was invented by Seinfeld.
Your mom is a bitch.
6. When your man can't afford to take you out, it does NOT mean that you are not worth taking out. It does NOT mean that he doesn't want to take you out. It means that
you've sucked him dry like a leech. To drain is one thing, but stop before you kill him.
5. Stop telling all of your friends every intimate detail of your current relationship. If you have to do it, don't twist
everything. When girls get together, they can make "getting roses on Valentine's Day" seem tragic.
4. Cheating is in no way acceptable! If you are flirting with another man, you are cheating. If you are thinking about flirting with another man,
you are cheating. If you are making eye contact with any boy who might be considered "better looking" than your boyfriend, you are cheating. If you are
wearing makeup for a reason other than your boyfriend, you are cheating.
3. Things your boyfriend dosn't want to talk about or listen to: The issues you're having with your mother, tales of your ex-boyfriends, menstration in any context,
your insecurities channeled into misdirected hostility, entrapment contradictions for the purposes of getting your boyfriend to say something he normally wouldn't and then holding
it against him, whether or not you have a fat ass, and how much you hate his friends.
2. Validation is for parking tickets.
1. Men don't understand cramps, tampons, cycles, and makeup the same way you don't understand privacy, football, honesty, and common sense.
Nat would like to thank you for for spending a little time with her.
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