THE RULES
So you want a girl like Halley Berry? First, know the rules of the game.
This really has nothing to do with Halle, but this shorty has got flavor.
GUY RULES
These rules are right from the handbook that all men are given when they are born. Although sometimes
I feel like some of you lost your copy.
10. So you find yourself sucked into an argument, and you're not exactly sure who to side with (diplomatically speaking).
If you follow this progression, you'll never have to worry about having to justify your logic: When in an
argument, first side with: (in order of importance): your best friend, your other guy friends,
your mother, your girlfriend, your father, your male siblings, that dickhead in the grocery store
who asks paper or plastic, your female siblings, your girlfriend during her period or a mood swing.
9. Always support a friend's purchases. When a guy spends money on himeself, this is a rare
occurance and should be treated as such. If your best friend rushes out and buys a new car,
congradulate him. (even if you don't like the car) Point out it's good features, (much in the
same way you would have to compliment your best friends's girlfriend) The only time that this
rules doesn't apply, is when your friend purchases a really awful CD. Music is fair game.
8. Any time a friend needs you to hand him something, the object must be tossed. It
then becomes your friend's role to verbally acknowlege the toss: "good-toss" Followed by your
acknowlegement of this aforementioned acknowlegement with a refutement: "The toss sucked, good
catch."
7. When a friend returns from a date with a new girl, you must alway inquire as to whether or not
he got laid. Always ask. If your friend respects the girl, he will say no if he did sleep with her,
and he will say no if he didn't sleep with her. If he doesn't repect her, he will claim that he
did sleep with her, even if he didn't. The truth is irrelevant.
6. If you are ever hanging with a friend, and your friend screws up, you have to offer him
an out. You know he scewed up and he knows he screwed up, giving him an out allows him to
save a little dignity. Never completely absolve him. He should understand that he
owes you one. POSSIBLE OUTS: "I dunno dude, there must have been a knot in the wood." -
"That asshole just totally cut you off." - "The grass is slick, anyone could have fallen
on their ass." - "Man, given the situation, I would have puked on the bar too." - "By this time
next year, her parents won't ever remember how your car looks flipped over on her front lawn."
5. Appropriately reacting to your buddy getting hit in the nuts: Every guy must laugh. We've all
been there, laughing let's him know that it's going to be okay; however, know the difference between a
light hit and a near death experience, cause hey man, some shit just ain't funny.
4. Make many smart-ass comments. Some guys are blessed and can work in smart-ass comments like
most women work in guilt. This gift comes in varying degrees. The male that works in the best
smart-ass comments, most frequently, is the most respected amongst his peers, in certain circles;
however, his close friends are about ready to kill him if he opens his mouth one more time.
3. The token protest. If you are working on something, and a friend offers his assistance,
before relinquishing power, there must be one token protest. "No it's okay, I lift and carry my
refrigerator by myself all the time, it's no big deal." It is a total breech of ettiquite if
your friend accepts the token protest at face value. If the offer of help comes from a female,
there is no such thing as a token protest. The protest had better be genuine.
2. This is very important: Never reveal your true lack of automotive knolwedge. Safely
share what knowledge you do have, often drifting off as if to imply, that some things are
just so complicated, they shouldn't be put into words. If you find yourself being grilled by
an asshole about how to fix something on his car, simply note the make and model, and explain
that you only know how to fix the older one.
1. Don't ever attempt to show up your buddy infront of his girlfriend. It doesn't matter how hot
she is, or how cool you want to seem. Think of it as protecting the president. If something goes wrong,
jump in front of the bullet, accept responsiblity. Make him look good. It's hard enough for him
to impress her on his own.
Some rules were paraphrased from "Guy Rules" by Green
Halle would like to thank you for your time.
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