"I can't even swallow. Oh, damn, there goes my day job." - Mel
"Your toe looks like a condom." - Mel
"I feel your pain. And it hurts." - Jenn
"Where the fuck is the world? That's possibly the most dumbest thing I've ever said." - Sarah
"I love pigs." - Mel
"Don't do this to me, I need a positive affirmation of your love." - Betsi
"I have pictures of me." - Jenn
"Damn dividends." - Jenn
"Posto closing trial balance." - Jenn
"Pots closing trial balance." - Mel
"Oh my golly." - Jenn
"Isn't it fun to stretch?" - Sarah
"I'll just molest you at your funeral." - Danny
"Kamikaze freshmen." - Sarah
"Do you like Japanese midgets?" - Ruth
"Could you write 42 on there in big letters?" - Sarah
"News claper pipping." - Jenn
"Kevin's really big." - Mel
"Nick's prancing around like a poof with a deformed head." - Sarah
"Kevin could fit between his legs." - Sarah, in reference to AJ
"For my money the best doctor is Dr. Scholls." - Luke
"...from the LIFO to the FIFO." - accounting book
"Why does it feel like the lights changed?" - Jenn
"Friggin bajeesums." - Mel
(british accent) "I can't write adjusting entry." - Jenn
"He likes to stroke his pate." - Mel
"I thought you said he was hung like a nervous breakdown." - Jenn
"Wanna come Jenn? We can defibrillate you too!" - Mel
"Poofing is bad." - Jenn y Sarah
"That means you are the happy Spanish man." - Jenn
"I'm too focused on peeing." - Mel
"They called it digibooty which gave them warm fuzzy thoughts of JC's arms and cybersex." - story by Sarah
"I'll probably write nad." - Jenn
"Sand dan's nads." - Jenn
"Keep reading Sarah, keep reading! Posthaste!" - Carmen
"Whump." - Jenn
"People are so dirty!" ::whining with arms flailing:: - Mel
"Wow, that's a big head." - Jenn
"Damn you Christian women!" - Carmen
"Enjoy your summer because spring is coming." - Mrs. Cantera. This is how fucked up our weather is.
"And if someone asks 'Did someone give you a present?' you can say 'Yeah, someone broke open my white out and ripped out it's guts.'" - Sarah
- side note: in the new nonliquid white out there are approximately 20 1/2 feet of white out per roll. -
"You know what they say about a big pen." - Adrienne
"Adrienne's a pornographic dictionary." - Sarah
"I'm gonna get my cream on you." - Adrienne
"I guess I wore a thong and lost my head." - Mel hearing totally wrong Aaron Carter lyrics.
"A bandaid doesn't do as much as a condom." - Sarah bein' retarded
"I'm so excited by the Backstreet Boys that I can't even eat straight." - Sarah
"I'm trying to fix the mess he made on my pants." - Mel
"I'm a primitive woman who likes her meat raw. Grr." - Sarah
"Would you like to play with my luft balloons?" - Adrienne in a crazy demonic voice.
"We're going to get some male men." - Mel
"Really, yes, I can't." - Jenn
"The rainbow ends at Wal-Mart." - Adrienne
"Close your eyes so I can take your picture. It won't steal your soul that way." - Carmen
"That happened to me and apparently I'm disabled." - Adrienne
"It was totally horacious. Wait, that's not a word, is it?" - Betsi
"I want Aaron Carter to spank me." - Adrienne
"I was playing with Billy Idol - okay, that came out wrong." - Sarah
"Jello is not good. At least for limbs." - Jenn
"Epsom is ghetto." - Jay
"The little flamin' flamey boy." - Mel
"Chris is my fruit snack." - Sarah's new motto
"You're a dragcow." - Jenn
"I'll make Lance prance. Dude, that rhymed." - Sarah
"You little cocksucker." - Jason, in reference to Sarah
"My hand's stuck in my pants." - Mel
"He thought she was the prostitute bellhop." - Jenn
"I have a legitimate question!" - Mel
"I am broken." - Jenn
"EBS - Exploding Bladder Syndrome." - Mel
"I have always wanted to have this woman in my fridge." - Betsi
"I'm beautiful Casey." - Sarah's mom. She was reading a game of hangman that really said 'beat him up Casey!'
"Wyatt EARPP." - Mel
"Ear peepee." - Jenn (I have now discovered that earp is spelled with one p, not two, but it was mad fun like that)
"I'm sorry, Dan's nads make me out of control." - Sarah
"One, two, three." (simultaneously bang menus on their forheads and giggle like morons.) - Mel y Sarah
"Chris has chinaman nads." - Sarah
"Son of a whore, it better fucking equal." - Mel
"You listen to the Backstreet Boys, you're going to hell anyway." - Jay
"I'm pregnant by AJ every day." - Mel
"I don't want to sleep with a Backstreet Boy!" - Jenn
"You made me sleep with a Backstreet Boy, so shut up." - Jenn
"I wanna touch AJ's nads." - Mel
"It's Texas. Do you really think they give a shit about education?" - Betsi
"She's coloring my o." - Jenn
"If I drew it, it would probably come out looking like a penis." - Sarah
"That was desecration of a... thing." - Mel
"What is all this talk about urine today?" - Sarah
"Maybe if you knock yourself unconcious and jump in the river?" - Joyce, trying to come up with a painless way of commiting suicide by going over a waterfall.
"I love Nick! I love Nick! I love Nick! I love him!" - Mel
"You guys are a little weird." - Mrs. Ehmling
"Act your age, not your penis size." - Mel
"I'm acting zero years old 'cause i have zero amounts of penis." - Sarah
"My mom told me I have a Melly jelly belly." - Mel
"Why would you want to have one orally?" - Jenn
"When you nad the net income..." - Sarah
"I wasn't felt up, I was groped. There's a difference." - Mel
"You've got the ass to go with the dick." - Sarah
"How often do you have Nick on your lap?" - Mel
"This morning, I bent down to get something." - Jenn
"That is a pelvisey person." - Sarah
"He gives hope to all the stupid people everywhere." - Mel
"Ruth, simmer down, you secular freak!" - Carmen
"Justin was grabbing something he shouldn't have been grabbing." - Mel, on how Chris hits notes that high.
"You've got mahoobies on you."
"Sarah said mahoobies." - Sarah and Mel
"Nick, when did you get so hot?"
"Nymph?" - Sarah and Jenn
"G14!"
"G14!"
"Bingo!" - Sarah, Mel, Jenn
"G14!"
"G14!"
"You sunk my battleship!" - Mel, Jenn, Sarah
"G14!"
"G14!"
"meep." - Mel, Sarah, Jenn
"G14!"
"G14!"
"Can I use one word twice?" - Mel, Sarah, Jenn
"G14!"
"G14!"
(silence)
"Well, I'm equal there." - Sarah, Mel, Jenn
"Ben and Jerry's!"
"You sunk my battleship!" - Jenn and Sarah
"So you lived in a grocery cart?"
"No, I lived WITH a grocery cart." - psych video
"What happened to AJ's crotch?"
"Mel happened." - Sarah and Mel
"You are denying the teenybopper within."
"I have killed the teenybopper within." - Sarah and Jenn
"You mean sign language for the deaf?"
"No, sign language for the blind." - Mrs. Gardner and Sarah
"You just slid it in there?"
"Nonchalantly." - Mel and Jenn
"We have accomplished the Backstreet Boys."
"It's like conquering Mount Everest." - Sarah and Mel
"...with a visible tendency to kill and avenge." - What Your Face Reveals by Henry B. Lin, about Betsi
"...they will have good foods to eat throughout their lives." - same book, this time about Sarah
"Focus, Sarah, focus!"
"Locusts, Sarah, locusts!" - Mel and Jenn trying very ineffectively to get Sarah to do her accounting.
"Whoever wrote this spelled primitive wrong."
"I wrote it bitch. I can spell permanent." - Sarah and Mel
"N as in nads?"
"N as in dan's nads." - Sarah and Mel
"All I can think is dan's nads."
"Since when did dan's nads get an 'r' in it?" - Sarah and Mel playing hangman
"She's turning into a girl."
"I know, I hate it." - Sarah and Mel, talkin' about Mel and her pink nail polish
"Wesley died?"
"No, and stop smiling when you say that. It won't bring Doyle back." - Sarah and Betsi, with Sarah trying to guess why an episode of Angel depressed Betsi
"That was ghetto!"
"I go to West, what do you expect?" - Sarah and a different Sarah
ihavefoundmyfeet: bad sad nads, dan
Ajlancejc: i can't even type a response to that
Ajlancejc: i can't stop laughing - Sarah and Mel being wacky on AIM
"That's a funny word."
"You're a funny word."
"Yes I am." - Jenn and Sarah
"You know what the old income statement looks like, right?"
"No."
"Well, pretend you do." - Jenn and Sarah, when Jenn was getting very annoyed trying to explain accounting to Sarah
"Your pen is leaking glitter on me."
"Yeah, I know, it does that."
"I just put it in my mouth." - Sarah and Jenn
Stupid Quotes
Idiotic Chuck Norris Jokes
