To have fun, give your friends this 63-question test about computers & tricky living.
Here are the questions and answers. You also see which pages discuss the answers, in the 31st edition of the Secret Guide to Computers & Tricky Living.
Computers
Which company owns Gateway and eMachines? Acer (page 13)
In WordPad (and Word), how can you type "é" by using the Ctrl key? Press Ctrl with apostrophe, then type the e. (page 81)
When discussing Internet companies, what are a "pure play," a "story stock," and a "dot snot"? Internet-only company, exciting company that's made no profit yet, annoying kid who manages an Internet company (page 112)
What are these Websites for: Zillow, Snopes, Hoovers? Real-estate valuations, rumor debunking, company financials (page 121)
Define ROTFL, LMAO, and PRW. Rolling on the floor laughing, laughing my ass off, people are watching (page 134)
Define "advance-fee scam," "phishing," and "word salad." You're promised riches but must pay a fee first, a fake Website steals your identity, extra words in email make spam filters think the topic is legitimate (page 141)
What's the name of Microsoft's free antivirus program? Microsoft Security Essentials
If the Start button's in wrong corner, how can you move it? Point at the taskbar's middle, then drag. (page 162)
How can you empty the printer queue? Double-click the taskbar's printer icon. Click "Printer," "Cancel All Documents." (page 165)
How can you make Word translate to Spanish & Chinese? Right-click in the document. Click "Translate," follow prompts. (page 184)
What word does Microsoft use instead of "alphabetize"? Sort (page 190)
How can you widen an Excel column to fit its widest data? Right-click the vertical line that's right of the column's letter. (page 229)
Health
What's "jungle grease," and should you eat it? It's tropical oil and too high in saturated fat. (page 347)
Which is healthier: chicken or turkey? Turkey, because it has less fat (page 348)
If your food's too spicy, what should you drink? Milk (page 348)
Which fad diet is healthier: Atkins or South Beach? South Beach (page 351)
Why should carrots and tomatoes be cooked instead of eaten raw? To make their carotenoids digestible (page 353)
How is "light" tuna healthier than "white" tuna? Light tuna contains less mercury. (page 354)
In diner slang, what are "frog sticks," "cow paste," and "blonde with sand"? French fries, butter, coffee with cream&sugar (page 356)
What are the advantages of sleeping face up, face down, and facing left? Face up for infants & comfort, face down for improved breathing & masturbation, face left to stop acid reflux & leg spasms (page 357)
Which sexual activity is most likely to transmit AIDS? Anal sex (page 358)
Daily survival
What's the best time of day to water a lawn? 4:30AM (page 362)
In freezing weather, why should you turn on your car's air conditioner? To defog the windshield (page 362)
Whose truck has this sign: "Let us remove your shorts"? An electrician (page 371)
Intellectual life
How can you make your teacher stand at the window while lecturing? Look more interested when the teacher stands there (page 377)
On which day of the week are you most likely to commit suicide? Sunday (page 378)
Arrange 10 coins so they form 5 rows, each containing 4 coins. On a 5-pointed star, put coins at the 10 corners. (page 381)
How can you "prove" teachers can't give surprise tests? If the promised test were on the course's last day, it would no longer be a surprise. Work backwards from there. (page 381)
What famous non-zero number, when squared, gives zero? Epsilon, which is infinitesimal (page 386)
Arts
Picasso said bad artists copy but good artists do what instead? Steal (page 390)
What's the most popular music composition in the whole world? The Happy Birthday song (page 390)
What famous tune is beautiful, sad, and contains just C, E, and G? Taps (page 391)
What famous actors were born as "Marion Morrison" and "Issur Danielovitch"? John Wayne and Kirk Douglas (page 394)
What short English sentence is the hardest to pronounce? The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick. (page 400)
Government
Why did President Harry Truman want a one-armed economist? He was tired of economists saying "On the other hand..." (page 407)
How did Will Rogers define "diplomacy"? Saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock (page 410)
American cultures
Which of the 50 states is closest to Africa? Maine (page 415)
Which state has no sales tax, no income tax, and requires no driver license? New Hampshire (page 416)
What do Texans mean when they "split the sheets"? Divorce (page 423)
When you hear a Kentuckian say "can," what does he really mean? Can't (page 423)
Foreign cultures
Which is farther north: Venice (in Italy) or Halifax (in Canada)? Venice (page 424)
Why do German women like cockroaches more than Americans? The German word for "cockroach" is "kitchen scraper." (page 424)
Why is Hewlett-Packard's nickname, "HP," embarrassing in Spanish? It means "son of a prostitute." (page 426)
In French, what do God, kids, and criminals have in common? They're all called "tu." (page 427)
When reading pinyin Chinese, how should you pronounce q, x, and c? Ch, sh, and ts (page 429)
Why can the French speak Chinese better than Americans? Chinese pinyin uses French vowels (page 429)
What does "No Naked Light" mean? No cigarettes or other exposed flame (page 433)
What's a "pedicab"? A taxicab powered by human feet on a tricycle (page 438)
Why does a Chinese driver turn on his left blinker to go straight? To warn he's passing cars that are in slower lanes (page 438)
Fill in the blank: "Guangzhou people eat every 4-legged thing except ______." A table (page 441)
Donna's comments
Why shouldn't you give a Chinese person a clock or a green hat? A clock means a funeral. A green hat means a cuckold. (page 445)
According to Chinese tradition, who gets blamed if you're uneducated? Your father (page 447)
Morals
Who said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"? Mahatma Gandhi (page 461)
Who said "Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted"? Martin Luther King, Jr. (page 461)
Who decided "It's okay to be nice to blacks, if you don't make a point of it"? The Supreme Court (page 461)
Why is Whoopi Goldberg called "Whoopi"? She farted a lot. (page 462)
How does the Bible force every Jewish holiday to start at sunset? Genesis says, "It was evening then morning, one day." (page 470)
Why do Jews prefer to eat at Chinese restaurants? Chinese restaurants provide ethnic adventures that aren't kosher. (page 472)
Why is football more Jewish than baseball? Football requires more strategy than baseball. (page 474)
Sex
What is Candice Bergen's advice about how to fake an orgasm? 10 seconds of heavy breathing, roll your head from side to side, simulate a slight asthma attack, and die a little (page 482)
Why do women say, "Men are like chocolate bars"? Men & chocolate are sweet, smooth, and head right for your hips. (page 488)
Programming
What does the abbreviation "PHP" stand for? How about "APL"? Personal Home Page, A Programming Language (page 637)
How many bits are in a nibble? How many nibbles are in a byte? 4 bits in a nibble, 2 nibbles in a byte (page 661)
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